So I have triumphed, as anybody looking to my sidebar can see, and become the Best Canadian Humour Blog for 2008, stomping my competition into the dust where they rightfully belong. However, in the midst of victory I am disquieted, for while I of course dominated the category, much like Hulk Hogan dominated his opponents during the 1980s, I did not dominate my category most powerfully when compared to a certain other category. That would be Best Activities Blog, won by a tsunami-like margin by Yarn Harlot, and if history is any guide Stephanie Pearl-McPhee will also win Best Blog overall by the same redonkulous amount.
This cannot be borne.
Some might say, “but Mr. Bird,” (no first names, you people, I’m better than you now because I have an award) “isn’t this only a self-aggrandizing plot to sate your own monstrous ego?” And the answer is of course no, for this is not the case. I am on a mission of divine providence, because it is obvious that Yarn Harlot is a blog filled with Nazis. Not the safe, adorable face-melting Nazis of Indiana Jones, but the most terrifying Nazis one could imagine! Like Edward Norton in American History X (before he went to prison and learned that black people are actually really cool), but EVEN WORSE!
Consider!
Fact. Consider this Yarn Harlot post from December 12th: “I’m still behind, and thanks to the schedule, I know exactly by how much – and that’s about 3 knitting hours. Three knitting hours ago I should have finished the Madeleinetosh Earl Greys, and I haven’t. God! I wish I could just invade Poland right now!”
Fact. “Yarn Harlot” anagrammizes to “Aryan Rolth.” I am not sure what a “rolth” is but you just know it has to be bad, because it is Aryan!
Fact. Yarn Harlot’s knitted garments conceal secret swastikas! They are not always evident on first glance. Consider, for example, this hat.
But now take another look!
You see? YOU SEE?
Fact. “Stephanie Pearl-McPhee” sounds uncannily like “Adolf Hitler.”
I believe these facts speak for themselves. We must stand up, as one, and unite to defeat this menace! And by “unite” I mean “do whatever I say.” So march forth! March to BLOG WAR! Though they may stab you repeatedly with knitting needles and entwine you with purl stitching, soldier on! We (IE, you) march for justice and honor and so forth! (Those readers who may themselves be knitters are permitted to act as noncombatant medics, pursuant to their ability to successfully pass a loyalty examination.)
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16 users responded in this post
Not to mention that “Harlot” implies a lack of moral values. And we’ve all heard about the morally bankrupt state of the internet these days. Whereas this site has “God” right in the name, and after absolutely no further investigation on the topic we can only assume that this site is filled with enough moral fiber to keep all of North America regular…in a spiritual sense.
Anyway, congrats on the Humor Blog victory, Sir. You are now officially better than us. 8D (Though it has been suspected for some time).
My allegiances, they are torn!
Wait. no they aren’t. I voted for Yarn Harlot.
What?! A girl’s gotta keep her knit on.
How did I miss all the signs?!
There is also the infinity sign in that hat. She’s an infinite Nazi! That’s like a Nazi, but infinite times worse!
Oh dear oh dear oh dear, two of my favorite Canuck blogs are at war, however will I decide…? Let’s see what each one is doing… Hmmm, MGK, indulging in American-media-style trash’n’burn slander campaign… SPM, knitting earl-grey tea socks… *looks outside at record cold temps* *votes*
…What?! Like Charlotte said up there, a grrl’s gotta get her knit on! You’ll be sorry you picked a fight with knitters, buster, your flames won’t keep you warm when the wind chills dip back down to -40! You’ll come crawling back to us and begging for forgiveness (and toques) ^___~
I’m still waiting for a long purple and green striped scarf from a friend of mine. alas, I don’t think I shall ever see it.
Canadian knitting Nazis, I hate those guys.
This is exactly like the time I saw the word “Stu” in the art on the MXM Longshot.
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Now start knitting!
Canadian geek vs. Canadian knitter going to war? This can’t end well. Pointy sticks can stab you. What can the comics do, give you paper cuts?
Drat it. Couldn’t you wait until you were further along into your term as Best Canadian Humour Blog for 2008 before abusing your mandate and causing massive scandals? Do you want to be impeached and have your position be replaced by whoever you appointed as vice-Best Canadian Humour Blog for 2008?
You can have my Harmony Wood Options Interchangeables when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.
Just trick her onto a plane bound for America. Security will catch her with knitting needles and think she’s a terrorist.
You’ll never see her again. Use the evil idiocy of the waning Bush era to your advantage!
This is why your site was down. You know it.
…Great, this post will now cause marital discord between my wife and I.
For I must follow you unto, and possibly through, the gates of hell!
i think you missed the REAL anagram:
Yarn Harlot = Aryan Thor-L
NAZI THOR CLONE FROM EARTH 2!!!!!
…i’ll show myself the door
Hey, lower-case, I laughed, at least. And clearly a Kryptonian Asgardian would mop the floor with Clor.