May

Not Quite Improved Archie

Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time Party

The Improved Archie’s Fear (May 13th, 2014)
Improved Archie: The Ragin’ Climax (April 8th, 2014)
Archie Comics: The Improved Story (March 11th, 2014)
Who’s Afraid of Improved Archie? (January 30th, 2014)
Fifty Improvements of Archie (December 3rd, 2013)

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Sage Freehaven said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:06 am

“Hello, Betty. I want to play a game.”

CapnSilver said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:12 am

“You are now under my complete control. Everytime you see Veronica Lodge and Archie Andrews together, you will attempt to kill them both”

Betty Cooper: Secret Confidential Origins

thornae said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:19 am

“Electricity generated from sheer insanity. My god, I’m so fucking brilliant.”

Joe Mama said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:26 am

” . . . and then I gave Jughead a post-hypnotic suggestion to drown Mr. Lodge. Now to use you to get Veronica out of the way, and Archie will be ALLL MINE! MUAAAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Odd King said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:30 am

THE EXPERIMENT WAS A SUCCESS! DO YOU HEAR ME, MOOSE? A COMPLETE SUCCESS! …Moose?

utter scoundrel said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:41 am

“Dilton Doiley is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life. And he’s great in the sack!”

SHolmes said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:43 am

“Soon, your brains will light up like Zinzinatti!”

Foxhack / Kit Sniper said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:53 am

Twenty years ago:

Miss Coulter, I have removed all common sense as well as your soul. What did you want to do again?

katzedecimal said on May 27th, 2010 at 10:24 am

“Hold still. This won’t hurt a bit.”

J.H. said on May 27th, 2010 at 10:26 am

“Reemmber your mission Betty… PROTECT JOHN CONNER!”

drmedula said on May 27th, 2010 at 10:56 am

Eventually, Betty’s relentless sexual experimentation moved into more esoteric techniques…

PMMDJ said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am

Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Zed Alpha said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:10 am

“Yes, Betty, I’m sure that enough electroshock therapy will make Archie love you.”

Fred Davis said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:39 am

“…And when I hit this switch poof! You will now believe that the finale to LOST answered all the questions you had.”

Alternatively:

“We’ve secretly replaced Betty’s brains with folger’s coffee crystals, and sewed a hat onto her head to stop her from scratching at the hole we drilled into her skull. Let’s see if anyone notices.”

solid snake said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:42 am

I’ll have what she’s having.

Joe X said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:42 am

“Veronica’s going to be pissed when she sees you wearing Archie’s picture as a tramp stamp.”

_JM_ said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:44 am

Aha! My hat making machine is a success. Now to disconnect.

Mister Alex said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:53 am

Dilbert has parts… many parts… and now Dilbert must FEED… feed… on YOU!

Clayton said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:53 am

“When I snap my fingers, you will take the shotgun to Cobain’s house. Once there, await further instructions.”

Mister Alex said on May 27th, 2010 at 11:54 am

Very sorry, that should read “Dilton”. I have cut myself in penance.

Carter said on May 27th, 2010 at 12:40 pm

“Just a few more minutes to make sure that we got all of the cooties and then we can go out on our date.”

BELOW THE PICTURE: At that moment Betty realized that the nerds’ lack of success with women was their own fault.

Mister Alex said on May 27th, 2010 at 1:02 pm

“I love it when we play Barbarella.”

CB said on May 27th, 2010 at 1:05 pm

“Your soul is mine!”

Chris Lowrance said on May 27th, 2010 at 1:20 pm

“Actually, I never did see ‘Lawnmower Man.’ Why do you ask?”

Prodigal said on May 27th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Those fools – FOOLS! at the Academy laughed at me! But at last, my electronic sombrero-growing apparatus is COMPLETE! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ben said on May 27th, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Tell me Betty… all you have to do is tell me how many lights there are. There are five lights… aren’t there, Betty?

Daniel said on May 27th, 2010 at 2:17 pm

“Your name is Elmer J. Fudd… You own a mansion und a yacht…”

Alternately:
“So, Jughead. Have you ever seen the movie ‘Weird Science’?”

buzz said on May 27th, 2010 at 2:46 pm

You beat me to the Elmer Fudd joke, Daniel!

Greg Manuel said on May 27th, 2010 at 3:28 pm

“THE I-QUUM IS A SUCCESS! And now, to reverse the polarity and restore Betty’s Mensa-level intelligence…”

Greg Manuel said on May 27th, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Now, repeat after me: “Why yes, I CAN relate to Peter Parker more, now that he is single again. Why do you ask?”

Evan Waters said on May 27th, 2010 at 4:20 pm

“You vill soon be as big as a giant! Or, like all the others… DEAD!”

Greg Manuel said on May 27th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

“And now, to unleash the awesome power of TAP WATER!”

Thousand Sons said on May 27th, 2010 at 7:57 pm

“Now, we’re supposed to start with these operation programs, that’s major boring shit. Let’s do something a little more fun…combat training.”

“Jujitsu? I’m going to learn… Jujitsu?”

Ben said on May 27th, 2010 at 8:15 pm

“They’re just questions, Betty. In answer to your query, they’re written down for me. It’s a test, designed to provoke an emotional response… Shall we continue?”

Piranhtachew said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:12 pm

“Good news. I removed at least two gallons of water on the brain!”

genericus said on May 27th, 2010 at 9:26 pm

“… starving!”

Quixim said on May 28th, 2010 at 12:39 am

Filling my Betty-Blowup-Doll with WATER instead of air! Brilliant!

John C. Bunnell said on May 28th, 2010 at 3:21 am

“Once I flip this switch, the Bettybot will activate, and she’ll protect Sunny–er, Riverdale from vampires and demons until the writers can find a way to bring the real Betty back to life. And since she’s a perfect replica of the original, no one will know the difference!”

Stig said on May 28th, 2010 at 12:35 pm

“It seems, in your anger, you killed her.”

LadyRhian said on May 28th, 2010 at 5:53 pm

“I have sucked out all her brains with my diabolical machine… and yet, I can see no change!”

LadyRhian said on May 28th, 2010 at 6:47 pm

2nd try:
Alien: “Completely unused brain cells are incredibly rare, and yet, in this small town, there seems to be a never-ending supply!”

Joe England said on May 29th, 2010 at 2:05 am

“This is sex, right, Betty? I’m sure I got it right this time!”

PaulW said on May 29th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

“…somewhere there’s a mind-control fetishist having an orgasm just thinking about this moment…”

…wait, didn’t Sue Chan already draw this issue…?

Zed Alpha said on May 29th, 2010 at 8:13 pm

Soon, Betty, all your thetans will be gone!

sgt pepper said on May 30th, 2010 at 10:30 am

“Based on my appearance, you might think that I’m completely unfamiliar with female anatomy, but trust me, this device is the best dildo ever invented!”

UnSub said on May 31st, 2010 at 11:42 am

“… not gonna die alone not gonna die alone not gonna die alone…”

Keogh said on May 31st, 2010 at 5:42 pm

“Sorry I have to do this, Betty, but Mr. Lodge wants you to kill Archie, so brainwashing you is the best way. It’s not like this could ever backfire and turn you into a crazy person, right?

Right?”

Mistervader said on June 19th, 2010 at 11:04 pm

Don’t worry. Here at Lacuna technologies, we take all your pain away. When you wake up, you will forget Joel Barrish ever existed in your life.

Not Quite Improved Archie

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