It wasn’t D&D 2: Curse of the White Dragon. A movie that, impossibly, manages to trump its predecessor for sheer stupidity.

“When the random white dragon attacks, the epic druid will use Burning Hands!”

Tom Baker.

Granted, it seemed as if he phoned in his 2 or 3 lines, but you can never go wrong with Tom Baker.

What I want to know is – who will be playing Snow Job?

Yes, but here in the US it was GI Joe. If they want to redub it for the rest of the world I guess I don’t have a problem with that, but it somehow annoys me that they’re changing the base concept from the get-go. Somewhat silly I know, but the annoyance is still there.

Lots of people thought Transformers sucked. Even after they got Peter Cullen to be Optimus. Witty insults like Bayformers and Gayformers got thrown around like candy.

“Naturally, the conservative fans are up in fat, hairy arms about how GI Joe isn’t an All American Hero anymore and that they belong to the UN instead of the USA.”

“You can have a movie about a multinational anti terror team, but it wouldn’t be GI JOE.”

Back in the ’80s, when they showed GI Joe in other parts of the world, it was “Action Force: International Heroes,” rather than “GI JOE: A Real American Hero.”

Now what I think could be cool is if they wrote a script that involved the October Guard. I have this image in my head of the core members of GI JOE, their team long de-funded after years of no COBRA sightings, getting together with the likewise impoverished and disbanded October Guard to defeat an attempt by COBRA to take over Russia. You could do all kinds of references to the cold war and how GI JOE started out as a publicity stunt and ended up saving the president from COBRA, or something similar. The October Guard being created in response to GI JOE, because it was the cold war and all.

But then Hasbro went and said they’re based out of The Pit (somewhere in PA, I believe), so basically I don’t think anyone involved in this film is talking to anyone else.

While I will probably see this movie (What, I like explosions), I have the barest memories of the cartoon and therefore no real vested interest beyond the fact that IF Joseph-Gordon Levitt is Cobra Commander, I will never be able to stop laughing.

http://movies.ign.com/articles/815/815454p1.html

Gi Joe is no longer a real american hero.

“G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer. The property is closer in tone to X-Men and James Bond than a war film.”

Admittedly, the last time I watched that movie, me and my buddies got ripped on Jack Daniels and argued loudly about what exact rules were being violated by each scene and what the players were doing wrong.

But yeah, Wayans. Yikes.

Like the MASS device, the weather controller, the pyramid of darkness. That’s just classic Cobra technology.

Naturally, the conservative fans are up in fat, hairy arms about how GI Joe isn’t an All American Hero anymore and that they belong to the UN instead of the USA. Like their base location will matter if Cobra isn’t the fanged serpent they’ve all known and loved.

Thank you interwebs for making me feel less alone.

On the other hand the D&D movie was the purest pike of crack I have ever seen. So many quotes. Such a bad movie. I love it. And yet, I still can’t for the life of me remember Wayans in it. Obviously I am surpressing.