KIRK: Hey, man. You up?
FLAPJACKS: Blurrrgh.
KIRK: Yeah, but are you up?
FLAPJACKS: Ugggggh.
KIRK: Great. So can I borrow some rubbers?
ME: (opening door) Okay, look, you were here last night.
KIRK: Yeah.
ME: When he ate that sandwich from Subway.
KIRK: Yeah.
ME: And when he started vomiting two hours later.
KIRK: Yeah.
ME: And it turned out he had a mild case of food poisoning.
KIRK: Are you going somewhere with this?
ME: My point is you are aware he’s been up all night, sick as a dog.
FLAPJACKS: Guuuuhhhhg.
KIRK: Actually, that’s an observation. You haven’t made a point yet.
ME: All right - if you knew he was sick, why would you knock on his door at ten o’clock in the morning asking for condoms?
KIRK: Because I don’t want to get AIDS.
ME: No, that answers “why do you want to use a condom?” There are other places you can get condoms at ten o’clock in the morning, you know.
KIRK: Awesome. What brand do you use? I like Trojans.
ME: I was actually talking about the drugstore.
KIRK: I dunno, man. That comes suspiciously close to paying for sex.
ME: …just go to the drugstore, Kirk.
KIRK: Oh, all right. Hey, what’s that smell, by the way?
ME: I believe that would be vomit.
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9 users responded in this post
There are times in real life when a boot to the head is called for.
Is Flapjacks any better by now?
Flapjacks wishes me to tell everyone that he has the stomach constitution of whatever Greek god ate something really bad and then felt just fine afterwards.
God, that brings back memories…
Oh God, was he serious when he said that was almost like paying for sex? What’s wrong with this guy?! LMAO here.
Isn’t buying a bed also paying for sex by that logic? As well as paying for sleep?
So if paying for a condom is paying for sex, getting a condom off a friend would be?
Stealing sex from your friend? Your friend paying for sex for you?
I think the real question is, why does your friend still refer to condoms as “rubbers”? Is that some kind of retro-chic lingo?
Or is he a 1960’s dockhand?
I thought he was talking about wellington boots at first.
Which did nothing to alleviate my confusion.
Don’t kid yourself, you always pay for sex.
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