Doesn’t mean I didn’t laugh aloud several times, nor that I think it ain’t solid.

I’d go with recasting/rewriting Julie all together. And I like the porno idea, which is what I think I’d push. So much of it is kind of over-the-top slapstick; I’d cut it with a bow-bow-chicka-bow guitar riff. Like a porn without the porn.

“I tried to cook. It was a disaster.”
unbuttoning shirt “You thought I came for the food?”

Cut to black.

Sorry, I just had to cancel out all this blind praise it’s getting.

I know what you mean about looking back on stuff, though. I’ve had that experience to some degree with my collection. Rather than analyze all the ways it could be better, though, I try to view it as a record, and remember that if I want to revisit those stories I have to do so in new, different ways. There’s an old Internet drawn-graph that maps incremental changes one can make versus where one needs to be that shows a distinct disconnect to note the point where you have to do something major to break out of previous patterns and grow. That’s usually how I look at it; sometimes the best way to grow, as a writer or filmmaker or anything, really, is to finish what you’re doing, accept that it may be flawed but still functions, and start something new. That there are flaws doesn’t negate the achievement.

Anyway, yeah: nicely conceived, nicely executed. Well done, sir.