12
May
Not Quite Improved Archie
Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time Party
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48 users responded in this post
Now THAT’S how you do the hokey pokey!
No. I don’t think that there’s anything that could fill that word balloon that could make that image better.
“Now we’ll never get the combination to the safe!”
Hell of a party, Arch! Have you seen my hat?
We’re in over our heads Archie, I told you not to put so many ‘ludes in the coffee!
“Christ what an asshole!”
“He set his ballsack right here. Right here. No way. Jughead don’t play. Bitch had to die.”
When he said “Come to Europe and carry my luggage” I thought it was a free trip to France!
“The Styrichine didn’t work, so now we had to drown the bastard!”
“…whilst pining one arm behind his back and holding his head under like so. HA! The game is afoot!”
or…
“Hey, it really IS harder to pat your head and rub your ass.”
“Talk? …No Mr. Lodge, I expect you to die!”
or
“Has anyone seen my hat? Its about this big, has sharp points, and is full of my medication.”
“Not again?! GOD-DAMMIT! I just cleaned that fucking pool!”
Weekend at Mr. Lodge’s!
(with Iraqi accent) “That’s right, I’ve killed Dogen… and his sidekick, Lennon, too. There’s still time for you to escape the smoke monster, Arch, but… not for me.”
“I’ve had it up to HERE with cleaning up your dead bodies, Arch!”
“Your process for creating vat-grown supersoldiers is…disappointing, Mr. Andrews. Your funding is canceled.”
Now that you’ve killed her father, there’s NOTHING stopping you from marrying Veronica now!
Yeah, agreed- I don’t think there’s any improving this image. What the eff? And this is how the comic ENDS?
Hello, Archie. I want to play a game…
“Disrespect the crown, yo bitch ass will drown.”
“This is his Aquaman impression or something. Goes right over my head.”
“Bitch took my hat.”
“I said ‘sleep with the fishes’ not ‘throw him in my pool’”
“He must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about…like that ashen, fantastic figure gliding toward him through the amorphous trees.”
Pool party, young man, old lecher… I saw where this was going, but the last straw was asking if I liked Michael Barrymore.
“Mr. Lodge drowned, my hand is glued to my ass, Reggie’s raping you from off-panel and NOW you’re spilling the drinks too?! Seriously?! Come on!”
Jesus, Arch, I have to do EVERYTHING for you, don’t I?
“I once drowned a man THIS BIG!”
“Wow, he took the death of [DC Character that died today] pretty damn hard, Arch.”
“No, I’m a MONKEY! Geez Mr. Lodge, you suck at charades.”
“Hello? Mr. Lodge? I pulled the trigger with my eyes closed, just like you said but I think it might have been loaded by mistake and I’m kinda freakin’ out here!
. . . Hello?
Can I- can I at least open my eyes yet? Please? And, hey, what did you mean by ‘just like Sunset Boulevard?’ Is that where you grew up or something?
. . . Mr. Lodge? Hello? Seriously, are you still there? I want my five million dollars now!”
This is begging for a CSI Miami opening parody…
YEEEEEAAAAAH~!
“…sodomized me with my own hat. No, Archie, don’t clean it up. Let the blood stain the deck. As a reminder.”
“…polo!”
“He was an SP, Arch. The tech don’t lie.”
… and then the water nymph will be claimed by the sky spirit, while you act as the protector, and the twist is that there are no twists!
“Do you need more any proof that Ronnie comes from the Innsmouth branch of the family?”
“Yes, Arch, my charades was Chuck Palahniuk’s ‘Guts’. Kinda hard to do a ‘sounds like’ for that one. … So who’s next?”
FUCK YOU, OLD MAN!
“Look, Arch, When we do the ‘breathing underwater’ joke again; Have the glasses *ready*…”
I am free. FREE. Free from that wretched containment device you laughing called a ‘hat’!Lodge was the first but not the last! Now starts the reign of DARK JUGHEAD. All bow before me. NOW.
“One word, Mr Lodge: plastics.”
Camels and needles, rich man. Where is your Heaven?
Worst. Aquaman. Impression. EVAH.
_or_
Although this death was purely accidental, we have to cover it up Archie. It’s the only way. And then I’m sure this will be the last we ever hear of it.
“Archie, I’ve killed the one guy you wanted dead. You have to kill someone I want dead.
Archie, I want you to kill Betty.”
“Hey, the pool’s freezing over early this year. Maybe we can go ska… wait, why is Mr. Lodge’s rotting corpse down there?”
“We both know who did this, Archie. Tell me where Betty is.”