Peanut butter cookies are and will always be inferior to regular cookies with peanut butter smeared on them. The best type of homemade fried rice is hot dog fried rice. If you reduce 7Up enough, you eventually get something suitable for glazing ham that looks like Crystal Gravy from that SNL fake ad. Beer can [...]

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Okay so you are going to a nerd place where the nerds are and you are thinking “right I need a costume.” Everybody understands this. If you are going to be in a giant roomful of nerds then clearly the thing to do is stand out, and you can’t do that by wearing a black [...]

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So I been thinking that it’s time I stopped working at the pet store because seriously, the pet store sucks. You’re over by the doggy bins and you’re marking down the puppies because they’re a month old now and they just look at you like “if you drop my price by another two hundred dollars [...]

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Is it okay that I am kinda skeeved out by this? I mean I been busy the last few weeks because I was in America and all and I’m totally gonna talk about that later when I’m not busy being me, but… ewwwwww, Kevin Church! Ewwwwww!

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8:05: Okay I’m a bit late but I am totally stoked to do this because liveblogging awards shows is the coolest. Okay, so your host is Andre Braugher. Starting off with a musical number by Fergie. I guess they couldn’t get all of the Black-Eyed Peas. That’s why this show isn’t the Oscars. Although they’re [...]

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So I read that Sarah Palin is gonna get her own TV show and I was all “well I bet that will kind of suck” but then I thought about it some more and I was all “you know, there is no reason that this cannot be an entertaining show.” Because when you think about [...]

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So I am looking at the World Cup draws and MGK was complaining about how “fucking Italy gets a walk to the semis,” and he doesn’t like Italy because he thinks they play the game like dicks somehow. I’m not up on soccer beyond the basics, but I assume they try to bribe referees or [...]

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So for everybody else in Canada it is “Thursday” but for me it is Thanksgiving II because my dad is American and he always insists on having Thanksgiving on American Thanksgiving but my mom is Canadian so she always insists on having Thanksgiving on Canadian Thanksgiving, and eventually they compromised by having two Thanksgivings. I [...]

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Someone oughta edit a Youtube where Sandra Bullock, the abusive boss in The Proposal, falls in love with Sandra Bullock, the unappreciated assistant in Two Weeks’ Notice. If you do this you owe me a million dollars.

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So I been paying all sorts of attention to the whole American healthcare debate, by which I mean MGK pays attention to it and when we go out for beers he is all “healthcare this Republicans that” and I am all “dude drink your beer” and he is all “but this affects our own healthcare [...]

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Okay so like imagine in your mind that there is a public men’s room that you are about to use in a place that gets a reasonable amount of traffic. The men’s room has two urinals and one toilet stall. When you walk in to take a leak, there is one guy, using one of [...]

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So I am watching The Good Wife which is a TV show that is all “what if a cheating politician’s wife had to be a lawyer and defend innocent people from the electric chair?” (Except that that’s not quite right because she is not defending from the electric chair. If lawyers had to do that [...]

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Now maybe you go to a big convention and you see someone in an unfamiliar costume and you are all “gosh I wish I knew who that was, but I can’t say that out loud or I will lose valuable nerd cred, and nerd cred is the only cred I have since I came to [...]

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…an entire table full of mousepads, where the mousepads are Japanese anime girls and the wrist protectors are their titties. (insert Rutger Hauer’s death speech from Blade Runner here)

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