Welcome to the results of the 2017 Theszies / Rec.sport.pro-wrestling Awards.
Anyway. Here, we present the “worst” Awards – those Awards which celebrate the awfullest things in wrestling during 2015. If this disturbs your sacred chakras, you can go read the “best” Awards here.
This year we had 532 voters participating. As always, for next year we encourage all of you wrestling media people to nominate yourselves and your favorites, and try to get your fans out to vote for you. Fair is fair!
As always, thank yous to Justin Henry, Christopher Robin Zimmerman, Herb Kunze and all those who have previously run the Awards and contributed to their legacy; everybody who chipped in to promote the awards; all of you voters, of course; and finally and most importantly an extra-double-sized thanks to mgkdotcom’s Tech Guy, James Young, without whose invaluable assistance these Awards would almost certainly have failed to be anywhere near as successful and user-friendly as they in fact were.
And without further ado…
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| JINDER MAHAL | 76 | 41 | 25 | 553 |
| Enzo Amore | 61 | 48 | 38 | 525 |
| Sexy Star | 62 | 28 | 22 | 438 |
| Shane McMahon | 39 | 21 | 23 | 304 |
| Lana | 28 | 32 | 35 | 306 |
R. MANNING: Lana is a wonderful manager who has no business ever trying to wrestle. Jinder Mahal, while not actually *bad*, technically, is the one thing that’s even worse than being a bad technical wrestler–he’s *boring*. Add in how he’s only getting pushed because his bloodstream is at least 50% bull steroids, and that’s good for my #2 vote. #3 goes to Sexy Star for being an unprofessional bitch who didn’t just go into business for herself, she shot on the WRONG PERSON when she did.
JACK C. PHELPS: I want to vote for great khali so bad dude
RHENCH: I liked the idea of pushing Mahal up the card at first, but his execution ruined it for me. He wrestled the same bad match over and over again, with the Singh brothers interfering in every one of them. His finisher was protected like crazy for no obvious reason even though it is a transitional move at best for most wrestlers. He has no finesse in the ring, and he cuts the worst promos of the year. Doing the ‘you’re all racists’ act might have been interesting if he wasn’t also doing the ‘America sucks’ act at the same time. It’s terrible, classless, and while Jinder may not have had any say in what his character did, he certainly could have delivered more convincingly, or wrestled better, or something. He got huge, and he got pushed. Right after Mojo Rawley beat him clean. Then he’s beating Orton and Nakamura. What? Also, I had been calling the “Hot tag to Big Cass” Enzo’s finisher for so long I never noticed that Enzo was doing all the actual work in their matches. Cass is mild to bad in the ring, and totally wooden doing anything but his fist pumps as he says SAWFT. He’s not main event material, and honestly, he’s not even midcard material at the level he was at before he got hurt.
TONY HUDSON: Sexy Star may not be as technically inept as others up for this award, her flagrant unprofessionalism more than makes up for it. How she still gets booked after the stunts she’s pulled is a total mystery.
LEWITT: There is a reason Bone Soldier is the only shirt left when you go to Hot Topic.
MZAK: Bray Wyatt did not have a single match I remember as being “good”. And he was in two of the most garbage matches in years.
GIG GAB: There are a lot of good Big Boys in the WWE right now. No reason Goldberg or Kane or even BROCK should be gumming up the Universal title scene when we have perfectly good Braun Strowmans and Samoans Joe.
RED HORSES: Jinder Mahal isn’t really that bad; he’s just an enhancement talent who got a push because sometimes you throw shit at the wall and see if it sticks. He didn’t stick. It’s fine. Now, Randy Orton, on the other hand, is exceptionally talented in the ring and one of the laziest, least motivated fuckers I have ever seen. He visibly doesn’t give a shit, and it makes everything worse.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| LANA AND TAMINA | 73 | 59 | 30 | 602 |
| Colons: Primo and Epico | 41 | 39 | 36 | 394 |
| Enzo Amore and Big Cass | 44 | 29 | 20 | 347 |
| Hype Bros: Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley | 36 | 34 | 29 | 340 |
| Golden Truth: R-Truth and Goldust | 27 | 32 | 31 | 293 |
TONY HUDSON: What is the point of the Riott Squad? From a stupidly spelled name, to the fact that they just blatantly copied everything Absolution did the previous night. It made them all look like chumps. None of this is the fault of the three wrestlers, who all have value, but oh boy did this booking stink.
ETRIGANZOLA: All of my choices were based on the booking, not the actual wrestlers or even the tag team performance. Which is kind of amazing — there isn’t a tag team I can think of that I just *dislike*.
CAP’N ANDY: Write-in for 2nd place is Rhyno and Heath Slater, aka “Creative Has Nothing For You Right Now”.
MAGACID: I am voting Tino Sabbatelli and Riddick Moss #1 here only on the (de)merits of their bad matches earlier in the year. They’ve already improved leaps and bounds and I hope they don’t break up before they reach their final form, because I can absolutely see them making the “best tag team” conversation before even the end of 2018. Just a couple of real unlikeable shitheads. The tag team we deserve.
RHENCH: Is Hunter Club really a thing? Do the Bullet Club care? I have no evidence of this.
FLIPDAWG: Maybe one day Ohio Versus Everything will be great. They clearly want to be. Unfortunately, right now they are not great; they are green as hell and overexposed by a promotion that should know better oh wait it’s Impact never mind. Plus, they’re hanging around with Sami Callihan, who seems to not care if he hangs out with Nazis, so…. yeah.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| STEPHANIE McMAHON | 104 | 47 | 37 | 735 |
| Dolph Ziggler | 55 | 49 | 45 | 512 |
| Jinder Mahal | 65 | 43 | 25 | 504 |
| Big Cass | 35 | 27 | 45 | 346 |
| Bray Wyatt | 35 | 38 | 20 | 329 |
ERIC LINGENFELTER: Liv Morgan barely worked as a face in NXT, and she works even less as a heel on the main roster. Why was she called up? She’s clearly not ready.
VANDAMDAZ: Stephanie McMahon kills every babyface she interacts with, and even most heels. She’s the wrestling equivalent of Unicron.
RHENCH: Kobra Moon is bad. Her wrestling has disappointed me, her promos are weird as hell, she does not appear to have a firm grip on the language her character is supposed to speak as a primary… I just get nothing good from her.
CAP’N ANDY: Supernatural gimmicks only work if their powers do something. Monsters only work if they’re scary. Heels only work if they’re threats. And nothing at all works if the wrestler can’t get wins. You’re oh-for-four, Bray.
FLIPDAWG: Dolph Ziggler’s gimmick is that he hates gimmicks and this makes him bad because he yells at the crowd who love gimmicks so he’s bad and… I am simply not arsed to care, here.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ROMAN REIGNS | 121 | 36 | 33 | 779 |
| Shane McMahon | 82 | 63 | 39 | 677 |
| Jason Jordan | 58 | 73 | 49 | 607 |
| Randy Orton | 39 | 45 | 55 | 440 |
| Alberto El Patron | 47 | 44 | 28 | 423 |
DANIEL GRONSKY: When I watch Shane McMahon, I often find myself thinking, “You know, Kevin Owens has a point,” which is not a thought a face should ever inspire.
RHENCH: Sasha Banks makes no sense as a face. She’s bad at face promos, her character is built around being a selfish jerk, and her wrestling inspiration is Eddie Guerrero, who always worked best as a heel. She’s a great wrestler, but she needs to be a powerful villain, not an underdog face. Leave Bayley alone, she’s got problems enough as it is.
WAWA MAGIC: Shane vs. Randy was such a tough choice for me. Randy is ass whenever he’s involved in the title scene – a real charisma vacuum. But Shane is the worst thing in WWE right now, because he consistently displays privileged, entitled heel behavior but still acts like he’s the goddamn conquering hero of yesteryear. For the love of God, man, develop some self-awareness.
OJMEGA: It is criminal how WWE took a slam dunk babyface character like Bayley and made her completely unwatchable.
MAGACID: Randy Orton with a bullet. The only reason the RKO comes from “outta nowhere” is because until he hits it, you thought he was teleconferencing in from cross-country. Get it? Because dude phones it in? Ugh, never mind. Shane #2 because I’m supposed to LIKE blueblood stakeholders now? Really? Round it out with Zack Ryder because I still don’t know in 2018 why I am supposed to care. Can we stop voting for Roman “Entirely Tolerable” Reigns yet?
RED HORSES: I’m not going to vote for Roman Reigns as Worst Wrestler, because he’s a good wrestler. I’m not going to vote for him for Worst Worker, because he’s a great worker. I don’t even think he’s that bad a promo when he doesn’t have to read Vince’s terrible scripts. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to not vote for him for Worst Babyface, because he constantly gets booked as a babyface and three-quarters of the time he gets booed out of the building. Yeah, I know, he’s “polarizing” and WWE loves that he makes people care one way or the other, and that’s fine, but man, he’s just not that good at babyfacing!
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ENZO AMORE | 69 | 32 | 35 | 511 |
| Jinder Mahal | 58 | 45 | 41 | 507 |
| Lana | 45 | 34 | 32 | 391 |
| Shane McMahon | 43 | 25 | 22 | 334 |
| Tamina | 25 | 40 | 23 | 291 |
TOBY SNEDECOR: Randy, the reason you’re on this list is because for the past three years, I’ve cared about your matches exactly as much as you’ve cared about my opinion.
CAP’N ANDY: Last year I voted Roman Reigns for this because he was getting main events and big paychecks whether he tried or not, he’d clearly decided that meant he didn’t have to try, and it was showing. This year I’m voting Brock Lesnar, for all the same reasons, except way worse. You wrestle six matches a year, Brock. Maybe wrestle them.
MAGACID: You know what I want? A triple threat between Titus, Randy, and Brock. With a stipulation: “winner is blasted into the sun never to wrestle again and also so are both losers.” Put it on the pre-show so I don’t have to watch it. BOOK IT, WWE!
RHENCH: Lana’s brief in-ring stint this year did not work. She looked incredibly awkward, has a finisher that she didn’t seem to know how to hit and that was immediately kicked out of, and was put too high on the card too fast. I could see easing her into things by having some tag matches or wrestling people nowhere near the Women’s title, but apparently that wasn’t the idea and her relative inexperience was put out there on center stage. I feel like she’s a bit of a victim of circumstance, but damn was she bad.
FLIPDAWG: Olllllllllldbeeeeeerrrrrrg. Olllllllllllldbeeeeerrrrrg.
RED HORSES: Liv Morgan is honestly one of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen in my life. I want to say something clever and funny, but she seems awfully nice so actually I guess I don’t want to say anything clever or funny, because there’s nothing fun about Liv Morgan being bad at wrestling. And she is. She’s so bad at it.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ALBERTO EL PATRON | 53 | 37 | 29 | 434 |
| Sexy Star | 46 | 32 | 33 | 392 |
| Jinder Mahal | 42 | 34 | 38 | 388 |
| Roman Reigns | 57 | 17 | 15 | 366 |
| Enzo Amore | 42 | 28 | 14 | 322 |
JOHN SAWYER: STOP BOOKING SEXUAL ABUSERS. STOP GIVING SEXUAL ABUSERS MONEY. JUST STOP. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW GOOD THEY ARE AT WRESTLING. GET THEM OFF THESE SHOWS.
KEVINLEEC: Sami Callihan just makes me feel dirty looking at him.
OGMEJA: This should have been an easy one for either of the McMahon siblings, but Dolph Ziggler honestly looks like he just doesn’t want to be there anymore and the feeling has become very mutual.
JACK C. PHELPS: In the words of War Machine – FUCK MICHAEL ELGIN.
CAP’N ANDY: Fair’s fair: Roman improved both his ring work and mic skills considerably over this last year.
I still hate his guts. He may be unsalvagable.
DMJ9798: Alexa Bliss has ruined FOUR careers in her short time in Main Roster WWE: Bayley, Becky, Sasha, and any chance Mickie James had to be a cool veteran lady and not just a background character. She no-sells, has an awful finisher, and is only pushed because she is “hot”. And that’s in quotes because she isn’t even all that attractive in the first place. She’s cancerous, plain and simple.
S-T-S: Like I said before: Being an awful worker is one thing; being an awful human being deserves special recognition. *cough* Sexy Star *cough*
CHRISTOPHER BIRD: If nothing else, the #MeToo movement is responsible for us all hating the wrestlers who are terrible people, and hating Randy Orton feels like a luxury that can be ill-afforded. I mean, Randy Orton is still kind of a prick and a giant troll on Twitter and has awful political views and – actually, no, come to think of it I still hate Randy Orton, I just hate him slightly less than the shit parade of human feces we got showing up in wrestling this year. So no votes for Randy Orton so long as the likes of Sexy Star, Alberto El Patron, Michael Elgin, and whoever’s next (cos you know we aren’t finished yet) are still working.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| JINDER MAHAL | 74 | 35 | 26 | 527 |
| Roman Reigns | 70 | 20 | 16 | 442 |
| Randy Orton | 34 | 30 | 22 | 304 |
| Shane McMahon | 29 | 35 | 23 | 296 |
| Brock Lesnar | 43 | 10 | 17 | 279 |
LAZY NAP: It pains me to select Nakamura, but I do not remember what he did last year other than a bunch of entrances and one good match against Cena. He deserves better, but he needs to work for it.
RHENCH: Shane McMahon is consistently the focal point of Smackdown, for no reason. He is not portrayed as a wrestler. He is portrayed as a businessman. But then he is able to nearly beat the Undertaker, Kevin Owens and AJ Styles. I get that he isn’t winning these matches, but how am I supposed to believe that a guy who does not spend his life training to wrestle on a daily basis is nearly as good as the guys they are telling me are the best in the business? It makes me sad that a regular wrestler is not getting the spotlight that Shane is taking. He does put on decent matches, but it helps that he’s in there with some of the best. I just want him to stop wrestling.
MAGACID: It feels like every worst category is me figuring out who to follow Randy “The most boring man in entertainment, period” Orton. Hate to say it, but this indie run has proven to me that Cody wasn’t ever that special. Also shout-out to Brock Lesnar, who can only produce an interesting match if there’s more than two people in the match. Always great for your year-long champ!
ERIC SHEPPERD: Ziggler is an all-time great, but his matches fell way short this year, specially after building a gimmick around not needing a gimmick…
FLIPDAWG: Hey, remember when WWE decided to bring back Goldberg for a one-off match that lasted ninety seconds? And then they gave Goldberg a program? And then they gave him the World title? And then they gave him the Brock match at WrestleMania? And they did all of this while Goldberg was obviously not able to wrestle for more than five minutes, tops, and only remembered his two main moves? That was a great idea!
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| BRAY WYATT AS SISTER ABIGAIL | 96 | 62 | 33 | 732 |
| Shane McMahon as boss who constantly interferes with his wrestlers | 50 | 57 | 43 | 507 |
| Dolph Ziggler hates all gimmicks | 49 | 53 | 37 | 478 |
| Stephanie McMahon as evil boss who never gets her comeuppance | 56 | 40 | 37 | 472 |
| Jason Jordan as Kurt Angle's illegitimate son | 43 | 30 | 35 | 375 |
DANIEL GRONSKY: In my mind, writing for wrestling should be as simple as “People are really going to want to pay money to see it when *blank*.” For the life of me, I can’t fill in that blank when it comes to Jordan and Angle.
MATRIXMAN: The best-worst tragedy of 2017 is we will never know what the hell was going to happen when Sister Abigail was set to face The Demon King at TLC. It had the makings for one of the all-time worst gimmicks in WWE history: no buildup, cross-dressing, crappy effects, all of it sadly botched/salvaged thanks to Abigail catching the sniffles.
MAGACID: Hey, maybe Absolution was just the copy of Riott Squad! Ever think of that, huh?! Typical “RAW is a night before Smackdown” bias! Haha, just kidding. Ever eat game meat?
RED HORSES: Why is anybody supposed to care about Dolph Ziggler at this point? I honestly don’t know. His gimmick makes no sense at all. It looked like roleplay therapy for someone desperately unhappy. I don’t want to see that when I watch wrestling on my teevee.
CAP’N ANDY: The only thing more pathetic than the sight of Bray Wyatt with a smudged-up face wearing a black doily on his head and talking in a dumb voice changer was Finn Balor and the announcers having to sell it like they’d just seen Lucifer himself torturing their loved ones.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| SHANE McMAHON'S PUNCH COMBO | 84 | 69 | 61 | 749 |
| Alberto El Patron's tree of woe diving double stomp | 94 | 37 | 28 | 637 |
| Dean Ambrose's rope rebound clothesline | 47 | 48 | 27 | 433 |
| Jinder Mahal's Khallas cobra clutch slam | 25 | 28 | 22 | 253 |
| Roman Reigns' Superman punch | 24 | 19 | 17 | 211 |
TONY HUDSON: Shane McMahon’s punches look like they could be shaken off by a particularly weak insect, yet wrestlers in their prime had to suffer the indignity of selling them like they were being brutalized.
TOBY SNEDECOR: If anything but Dean Ambrose’s stupid “wacky lariat” clothesline wins, I will be disappointed in all of you.
MAGACID: Sorry Seth, but your terrible V-Trigger has enough daylight to kill an entire coffin-store-worth of Draculas.
OBILLE NESS: I don’t think any move in all of wrestling is as objectively bad as the tree of woe double stomp. It takes about 3 hours for El Patron to get them in position for it, another 2 for him to climb the turnbuckle, and then at least 30 minutes for him to actually jump off and hit it.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 04/30: RANDY ORTON v. BRAY WYATT (HOUSE OF HORRORS) | 137 | 64 | 37 | 951 |
| 04/02: Randy Orton v. Bray Wyatt (WWE title) | 71 | 47 | 37 | 570 |
| 07/23: Jinder Mahal v. Randy Orton (Punjabi Prison WWE title) | 42 | 76 | 47 | 534 |
| 08/26: Sexy Star v. Rosemary v. Ayako Hamada v. Lady Shani (AAA Reina de Reinas title) | 32 | 23 | 19 | 267 |
| 06/04: Alexa Bliss v. Bayley (Kendo stick on a pole RAW women's title) | 29 | 18 | 26 | 251 |
R. MANNING: As bad as my other two picks for this were, the infamous Sexy Star match has to win for being a horribly shitty match that ALSO turned into an undeserved shoot.
TONY HUDSON: Want to see WWE booking at its dirt worst? Watch Goldberg squash Kevin Owens in mere seconds to win the brand’s top title. Never mind that Owens had been doing stellar work week-in and week-out. Gotta get the belt on a 50 year-old that casuals remember from their childhood. Utter garbage.
JONATHAN KIELMA: Write in: Rusev’s instant loss to Orton at Summerslam.
Orton pinning Rusev in seconds was utterly stupid, backwards booking.
MAGACID: My only regret is not being able to vote for all four Randy Orton title matches.
RHENCH: The Punjabi Prison: three people interfering in a match specifically designed to keep out interference. I thought Khali returning would have been cool if he had been the only one interfering, or gave a reason for doing so, or there was anything else of interest going on at all.
FLIPDAWG: Rachael Evers versus Marti Belle was so bad – entirely because of Marti – that they changed the ending on the fly because Marti was that unwatchable. Has that ever happened before? Especially in a single-elim tournament? It’s some sort of awful precedent.
CHRISTOPHER BIRD: I get the idea for having the House of Horrors match, but if you’re going to do a splatterpunk movie version of a wrestling match, then get splatterpunk directors to actually film and direct the thing instead of just having Randy and Bray grunt at each other in a dirty kitchen for twenty minutes.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| BRAY WYATT v. RANDY ORTON | 146 | 47 | 30 | 930 |
| Jinder Mahal v. Randy Orton | 53 | 76 | 31 | 555 |
| Bray Wyatt v. Finn Balor | 34 | 38 | 38 | 360 |
| Bayley v. Alexa Bliss | 43 | 18 | 27 | 323 |
| Smackdown v. RAW | 27 | 26 | 30 | 273 |
CAP’N ANDY: Nobody cares about Randy Orton and Jinder Mahal is actively terrible. Let’s put them in a multi-month main event feud complete with dumb gimmick matches where you can’t even see the ring! WE ARE GOOD AT BOOKING.
OGMEJA: I wanted a Bray Wyatt sweep, but Alexa vs. Bayley took the surest babyface character in years and completely destroyed her career. The “burial” hyperbole is used a lot, but that’s one case where it totally fit.
ETRIGANZOLA: Dolph Ziggler killed the main-roster debuts of consecutive NXT champions. Kind of amazing when you think about it.
RED HORSES: Smackdown v. RAW made no sense whatsoever, was actively stupid in its booking, and disrupted months’ worth of storylines for no good reason other than Survivor Series being the One Night Where Smackdown And RAW Go Head To Head Except For The Royal Rumble And The Andre Battle Royal And Anytime We Need AJ Styles To Show Up On A RAW Show And Give Us A Good Substitute Match. Seriously, though. This was like the wrestling version of that episode of THE OFFICE where Dwight and Michael decide to declare war on another branch. YOU ALL WORK FOR THE SAME COMPANY! SOME OF YOU WERE WORKING FOR THE OTHER BRAND SIX MONTHS AGO!
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| DEATH OF BOBBY 'THE BRAIN' HEENAN | 135 | 40 | 23 | 841 |
| Katsuyori Shibata severely injured and forced into retirement | 89 | 42 | 25 | 621 |
| Michael Elgin accused of conspiring against woman who accused one of his trainees of sexually assaulting her | 48 | 32 | 27 | 390 |
| Sexy Star shoots on Rosemary at TripleMania | 25 | 53 | 44 | 372 |
| Ric Flair falls into coma | 21 | 41 | 29 | 286 |
NOTE: Votes for Enzo Amore’s sexual assault allegations were not counted as those only came to light in 2018. Enzo will be eligible next year for all your hatred.
DANIEL GRONSKY: Shibata nearly died, and we didn’t know for a while if he’d even be able to walk or feed himself again afterwards. It was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever heard about in pro wrestling.
D. GLIDE: Dorian Roldan’s reported behavior in regards to talent seems to have pushed talent like Pentagon Jr. and Rey Fenix out of AAA, depriving both that promotion and Lucha Underground of breakout talent. It made a great opportunity for organizations like The Crash and AAW to pick up the pieces, but could be horrible for Lucha Underground, which stands to lose much of the talent that gave the show its distinct flavor.
l331_DYNAMO: WWE cancelling their most dynamic and interesting regular wrestling-related show says it all really. RIP Talking Smack, gone before your time.
W. BROWN: Glad that there wasn’t a major death that’s obviously number 1 – due respect to The Brain, but he was 72, which is basically 100 in wrestler years. The Paige stuff was revolting start to finish; Sexy Star shooting was a total disgrace, especially since her whole character is supposedly based around standing up to bullies; and the Too Sweet stuff doesn’t matter, but it’s about as petty as it gets (and, incidentally, is a reminder that WWE’s politics are very similar to Trump’s).
MAGACID: The Elgin story made me sick. I wanted to like him. But then that old video of him on The Kevin Steen Show came to my attention, and I found out he was always trash. Swann I hope to God he can make this right and be a better person going forward. It’ll be hard to forgive him. I hate them both because Shibata should be my number one, but now it’s only number 3.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| BOOKER T | 85 | 73 | 39 | 722 |
| JBL | 77 | 59 | 40 | 642 |
| Byron Saxton | 59 | 48 | 44 | 527 |
| Michael Cole | 59 | 32 | 42 | 475 |
| David Otunga | 44 | 49 | 47 | 461 |
SDINMA: #1: Michael Cole. #2 and #3 are also Michael Cole.
TOKYO MAGNUM: Percy Watson, who every time I’ve watched any NXT match basically chimes in to say the most obvious thing in the world that another announcer has already said and then goes silent again. I can only imagine he didn’t make the cut for this because everyone forgot he was a wrestling announcer in 2017.
DANIEL GRONSKY: The G1 Specials showed just how few people watch New Japan on AXS. I could have told everybody how bad and unenthusiastic about the product JR has been for a long while now. Between that and the MYC, it’s hard to argue that anyone in wrestling is worse at commentary than Jim Ross is right now.
OGMEJA: The G1 Specials showed just how few people watch New Japan on AXS. I could have told everybody how bad and unenthusiastic about the product JR has been for a long while now. Between that and the MYC, it’s hard to argue that anyone in wrestling is worse at commentary than Jim Ross is right now.
RHENCH: Booker T makes everything worse. He distracts from the content, rather than adding to it. He puts himself over when he has no need or reason to. He contradicts himself, and draws attention to his nonsense at the worst possible times.
A BOY NAMED ART: Roberts and Rosenberg (The R&R Depress?) are 1 and 1A for me; in being brought into WWE continuity to attempt to give it some “mainstream” credibility, their work has only diminished everyone involved. At least we know the root of many of Cole’s issues.
FLIPDAWG: They went back and re-recorded commentary for the Mae Young Classic because the live tracks were unlistenable and Lita was still incredibly bad, even with what was essentially a practice round.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| NATALYA | 43 | 36 | 18 | 369 |
| Roman Reigns | 48 | 25 | 21 | 357 |
| Kalisto | 40 | 31 | 20 | 333 |
| Jinder Mahal | 30 | 38 | 29 | 322 |
| Bray Wyatt | 40 | 27 | 17 | 315 |
MAGACID: Kalisto doesn’t make the list, because a bad promo that’s so bad it’s good is, by definition, good. A good good promo thing. See also: you ever eat game meat? Time to go back to an old standby: Randy “they taught me how to give promos in the slowmotion chamber from Dragon Ball Z” Orton.
CAP’N ANDY: Natalya sounds more unnatural on the mic than Asuka. Asuka can’t speak English and has to memorize her promos phonetically. What’s Nattie’s excuse?
LEWITT: Roderick Strong is a great wrestler but his promos are really zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ALEXA BLISS PRESENTS 'BAYLEY – THIS IS YOUR LIFE' | 109 | 55 | 34 | 778 |
| James Ellsworth wins the first-ever women's Money In The Bank match for Carmella | 73 | 51 | 26 | 570 |
| Bray Wyatt promises to unleash Sister Abigail on Finn Balor's demon | 55 | 44 | 37 | 481 |
| Absolution and the Riott Squad debut one night apart and are exactly the same for no reason at all | 46 | 33 | 34 | 397 |
| RAW and Smackdown wrestlers suddenly decide they hate each other just in time for Survivor Series | 41 | 35 | 38 | 386 |
JOHN SAWYER: Everything on this list is at least understandable as a booking idea. I can understand why they thought everything else on this list would work – EXCEPT for booking Ellsworth to win the first ever Womens’ MITB. Why in God’s name would you book a man to win the Womens’ MITB? You can’t possibly blow that off in a satisfying way, and the only person who got any heat was the guy who got released a few months later.
RHENCH: I’ll just say I loved the way they were going with Goldust/R-Truth, but that they never gave them a PPV match, and that their feud just ended on a random RAW, and that Goldust turned back face for no reason all make me very sad.
CINCY: In 2017, an angle where a wrestler mocks another wrestler’s skin color was used on a TV show that’s watched by children!
MATRIXMAN: The whole Raw vs Smackdown “feud” brings up the biggest issue with the current brand split: it makes no sense and it feels pointless. You can’t believe in rivalries based on same-company ownership as well as there being no consequences to losing the Survivor Series match. why should I care?
MAGACID: Nothing quite like two television shows owned by the same company feuding with one another. Don’t you realize you’re all on the same team? Hopefully one day all of these wrestlers will realize the real enemy is the capitalist pig-dogs who run WWE, and organize a union and strike. Take back the means of destruction!
CHRISTOPHER BIRD: I didn’t even know Alberto El Patron decided to deliver a promo about how domestic abuse allegations against him were untrue… as a babyface. I would have nominated that in a heartbeat had I known. Good lord, Impact, what were you thin – oh, right, it’s Impact.
| NOMINEE | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| AAA TRIPLEMANIA XXV | 81 | 25 | 15 | 510 |
| WWE Battleground | 62 | 37 | 19 | 459 |
| Impact Bound For Glory | 36 | 31 | 32 | 337 |
| WWE WrestleMania 33 | 43 | 24 | 22 | 331 |
| WWE Great Balls Of Fire | 32 | 25 | 25 | 285 |
JOHN SAWYER: Has there ever been a GOOD TripleMania?
S. FELDMAN: Survivor Series took place during football season when no one is watching and had zero stakes or meaning after it was over. Survivor Series is less canon than the Mixed Match Challenge.
CINCY: No fire at Great Balls of Fire? That’s bogus!
