FLAPJACKS: So we have stars. Is this Star Trek? Or Star Wars?
MGK: I doubt it. If it was an established franchise this would make sure all the nerds knew it was an established franchise, right? There would be some ambiguity, but by the end of the trailer there would be an “oh that’s exciting” money shot.
FLAPJACKS: A tease-en-scene, if you will.
MGK: Very well done.
FLAPJACKS: I actually thought of it last month but now I get to use it.
MGK: Guy staggering through the surf.
FLAPJACKS: Maybe it’s Aquaman.
MGK: What did I just say about established franchises?
FLAPJACKS: I know, but I would counter with “nobody cares about Aquaman.”
MGK: …okay, fair point.
FLAPJACKS: Also, the guy is tied up, so that would make sense, right? Aquaman being exiled from his home planet.
FLAPJACKS: Whatever. He can breathe underwater so being tied up in the ocean, that’s no big deal. In fact he’s being driven to shore because that’s how underwater people execute criminals!
MGK: You’re saying that in Atlantis, beaching is a form of execution?
MGK: But why don’t the prisoners just walk back to the ocean?
FLAPJACKS: That’s why they tie them up! But Aquaman can breathe air, so he survives the beaching… and… um.
MGK: You didn’t have any idea as to what happens next, did you.
FLAPJACKS: Not really, no.
MGK: We call that “the Aquaman problem.”
FLAPJACKS: So. There’s also another guy with his lips sewn shut.
MGK: You know he’s probably evil because he has to drink his meals through a straw.
FLAPJACKS: …I have no idea what this is supposed to be.
MGK: You’re not supposed to. Remember when the Cloverfield teasers first came out and people were all “is this Godzilla? Is it a superhero movie?” because the idea of something new scared them, much like the dancing scared the rural people in Footloose.
FLAPJACKS: So in this metaphor I am the strict country preacher who doesn’t get today’s youth?
MGK: Pretty much.