FLAPJACKS: So we have stars. Is this Star Trek? Or Star Wars?
MGK: I doubt it. If it was an established franchise this would make sure all the nerds knew it was an established franchise, right? There would be some ambiguity, but by the end of the trailer there would be an “oh that’s exciting” money shot.
FLAPJACKS: A tease-en-scene, if you will.
MGK: Very well done.
FLAPJACKS: I actually thought of it last month but now I get to use it.
MGK: Guy staggering through the surf.
FLAPJACKS: Maybe it’s Aquaman.
MGK: What did I just say about established franchises?
FLAPJACKS: I know, but I would counter with “nobody cares about Aquaman.”
MGK: …okay, fair point.
FLAPJACKS: Also, the guy is tied up, so that would make sense, right? Aquaman being exiled from his home planet.
MGK: Ocean.
FLAPJACKS: Whatever. He can breathe underwater so being tied up in the ocean, that’s no big deal. In fact he’s being driven to shore because that’s how underwater people execute criminals!
MGK: You’re saying that in Atlantis, beaching is a form of execution?
FLAPJACKS: Yes!
MGK: But why don’t the prisoners just walk back to the ocean?
FLAPJACKS: That’s why they tie them up! But Aquaman can breathe air, so he survives the beaching… and… um.
MGK: You didn’t have any idea as to what happens next, did you.
FLAPJACKS: Not really, no.
MGK: We call that “the Aquaman problem.”
FLAPJACKS: So. There’s also another guy with his lips sewn shut.
MGK: You know he’s probably evil because he has to drink his meals through a straw.
FLAPJACKS: …I have no idea what this is supposed to be.
MGK: You’re not supposed to. Remember when the Cloverfield teasers first came out and people were all “is this Godzilla? Is it a superhero movie?” because the idea of something new scared them, much like the dancing scared the rural people in Footloose.
FLAPJACKS: So in this metaphor I am the strict country preacher who doesn’t get today’s youth?
MGK: Pretty much.
FLAPJACKS: Dang.
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OBVIOUSLY this is the “Tales of the Black Freighter” reboot.
My favorite reaction to the Cloverfield trailer was the people who insisted it was to be a Voltron movie because they misheard the line “It’s alive! It’s huge!” as “It’s a lion! It’s huge!”
I don’t even know what, but if this is a Abrams thing I hope it fails miserably.
Yeaaaah…I think I’m done with Abrams.
I think he’s going for doubling down on awful. It is a reboot of the Wade Wilson from the original Wolverine movie.
I’ve decided that yes, this is the next ‘Star Wars’ movie. Because my brain is having so much more fun trying to fit it into the ‘Star Wars’ universe. 🙂
The new star wars movie is a Battlestar Galactica style reboot, set on a agrarian medieval japanese style world. The Jedi (stitch-mouth) keep the world safe from the lovecraftian horrors of the universe, but have grown strange and cultish over the years (emotion is evil, love is a weakness). A lone Sith scout crashes into the ocean and emerges onto the beach, destined to free the world form the chains of it’s Jedi oppressors, and find new awareness in himself (one does not need to rely on hate and fear to rule over the force, love and courage are just as strong to the Dark Side).
I got a huge American Gods vibe out of this. It’s not that though. And therefor it will be lesser because it’s not American Gods.
Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who loves Aquaman.
It’s Lost Part Deux: Smoke Monster Comes To Florida.
Oooh, oooh, oooh, is it a third reboot of The Prisoner?
Hmmm perhaps its “The Phantom Stranger”?
It’s clearly about a Korean gentleman named Soon, who is about to learn something.
Decent look for a Crow movie.
“Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who loves Aquaman.”
Black Manta loves Aquaman. I’ve seen the ‘art’.
As far as I am concerned, the fact that the stranger has longish hair, wears a long coat of indeterminate make and the voiceover talks ominously about rebirth and finding purpose points to a Samurai Jack movie and the trailer is just live action to build up hype for mainstream viewers. Bad Robot did announce they were footing the bill for something SJ related a little under a year ago.
I know how dumb it sounds. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS
It’s a remake of E.T.
The opening shots of the sky and the music seemed really reminiscent of the trailers for Man of Steel, which is kind of weird.
Part of me digs the idea this is for Star Wars and they’re going for “gloriously understated” next go-round. But no.
I Imagine it is less people being afraid of new ip than people being conditioned to never expect anything new.
“tease en scene.” Heh, I see what you did there…
I’ll say this for Max von Sydow, he can even make Abrams’ meaningless bullshit seem vaguely interesting. That is some vocal talent.
No way in hell it could be, but it would be awesome if it was for a Dr Strange movie.
Though MGK should be writing that movie
You’re not implying Cloverfield was new, are you? I thought it was, basically, Godzilla.
(I admit I haven’t seen the trailer. Heard about it, but I can’t think of anything by Abrams I’ve liked.)
Seen other places that it’s probably a teaser for “S.” which is a novel Abrams thought of, but somebody else wrote and it’s supposed to be an “interactive experience”.
IT’S NOT AN “S” IT MEANS HOPE
Slender Man. (At least, that’s my guess.)
The Crow Reboot. I’m placing most of my money on that bet.
The other $3 is being placed on a longshot, and I’m going with the Constantine reboot that was rumored a while back.
SOLOMON GRUNDY,
Hyped on a Monday.
I don’t know, I’ve seen plenty of ads where I couldn’t tell when product they were trying to sell. I guess its too much to ask for movie trailers to be exempt. Heck, I was very interested in the trailer for Transformers 3 until I found out it was Transformers 3 at the end.
@NCallahan: Wait, third reboot of The Prisoner? When was the blasphemy of the second done?
@Kaisius: 2009 Miniseries with Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1043714/
Is that not only the first “reboot?”
Depends. Wasn’t the ORIGINAL “Prisoner” basically a reboot of “Danger Man”?
It’s been called a kind of a sequel to Danger Man, but if we’re looking for Prisoner reboots, I think we have to consider that cinematic classic, “Double Team.”
: O Norse mythology! *Please* let it be Norse mythology, I don’t care if it’s a blatant cash-grab targeting the Loki fangirls!
Please let it be americain gods, or something similar!
It could be Shadow’s backstory or… I’m not sure, but hopefully something awesome