“CLARISSA”: Hi! I saw your blog mightgodkingdotcom and we think it’s great! We’d like to open up a dialogue where you would host a sponsored post about HOT AIR BALLONS. Do you think your readers would be interested in HOT AIR BALLONS? We would of course be willing to compensate you for hosting the sponsored post in the amount of twenty-five dollars. Please respond!
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“HARRY”: Hi, I make infographics, and in order to get more exposure I’d like to ask you to post my infographic! It’s about Black Panther! Looking at your blog I bet your readers would like an infographic about Black Panther!
MGK: *huh, this one seems targeted, at least, let’s look at it*
INFOGRAPHIC: Black Panther’ is a superhero appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. The character was created by writer-editor Stan Lee and writer-artist Jack Kirby, first appearing in Fantastic Four #52 (July 1966) in the Silver Age of Comic Books. Black Panther’s real name is T’Challa, king and protector of the fictional African nation called Wakanda. Along with possessing enhanced abilities achieved through ancient Wakandan rituals of drinking the heart shaped herb, T’Challa also relies on his proficiency in science, rigorous physical training, hand-to-hand combat skills, and access to wealth and advanced technology to combat his enemies. Black Panther is the first superhero of African descent in mainstream American comics, having debuted years before early African American superheroes such as Marvel Comics’ the Falcon (1969) and Luke Cage (1972) or DC Comics’ John Stewart in the role of Green Lantern (1971). The Black Panther storyline which ran through thirteen issues of the Jungle Action series (numbers six through eighteen) is considered to be Marvel Comics’ first graphic novel.
MGK: This is literally just the first two paragraphs of the Black Panther entry from Wikipedia combined with some stolen artwork.
“HARRY”: You don’t even have to post it yourself! Here’s an embedded link that you can copy and paste! We’ll compensate you if you do!
MGK: This is obviously a link to a phishing site.
“HARRY”: But I know what you really want to ask, and yes, we will compensate you!
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“CLARISSA”: Hi, Mighty Go King! I’m following up on my previous email about you hosting our sponsored post about HOT AIR BALLONS. I don’t want you to miss out on this opportunity!
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“GEORGE SCHMIDT”: hello I am an aspiring freelance writer and I would like to post on mightygodking dot com and i would like to send you a sample
MGK: *continues reading out of curiosity*
“GEORGE SCHMIDT”: this sample is about polo shirts, i will pay you ten dollars if you post it for me
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“CLARISSA”: Hello again! I didn’t hear back from you about out HOT AIR BALLONS proposal so –
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“MARK: I came across your blog site while looking for resources for our next blog and I knew I had to reach out immediately, kudos on a fantastic blog. My name is Mark and I do blogs for an online blogging company. Do you accept sponsored blogs? Is this something you would like to blog about? Blog you later!
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“LORI”: Would your readers be interested in entering into a contest where they could win fantastic prizes like quality undergarments! I bet they would, and all you have to do is host one sponsored blog post. Unlike all those other scammers offering sponsored content, we pay up front, and our contest is real. Don’t you owe it to your readers? Wouldn’t they be excited by a chance to win free undergarments, or purchase undergarments at a discount? I’m sure this will excite your readership and drive up your social media metrics!
MGK: *deletes email*
***
“CLARISSA”: Hello once more! I still haven’t heard back from you about our HOT AIR BALLONS blog proposal. I have been authorized to up our sponsorship offer to fifty dollars and I’m letting our network of blog contacts know about this excellent opportunity!
MGK: *furiously typing* You haven’t heard back from me because you are a waste of energy. Nigerian scammers have more fucking style from you. Me ignoring your seven other emails isn’t an invitation to send more, it’s me saying “fuck off” as politely as possible, and you’re not taking the hint. You are literally the embodiment of every commercial sentiment that makes the internet worse with every passing second that you exist. Nobody wants to read your shitty advertorial about ballooning. Nobody will ever read it. You are just creating a sea of endless chaff making it so much harder to get to the wheat that we all want. So, please, just fuck off. Also, “balloons” has two “Os.”
***
“CLARISSA”: Thanks for your feedback on my previous email! Obviously you are not interested in HOT AIR BALLOONS content. However, I note from your email that you appear to be interested in FARMING content. Would this be more to your liking? Let me know! For FARMING content we can offer one hundred dollars per post!
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11 users responded in this post
Spammers. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t kill ’em.
The only reason I kept visiting this blog was the vain hope that one day you will post about HOT AIR BALLONS. You just lost yourself a reader.
I work for a newspaper. Among the more egregious examples of spammery lately are the three emails we’ve gotten from a woman hoping we’ll put a link to her crossbow buying guide on our 9-month-old article about a guy shot in the head with a crossbow.
I wasn’t even sure you were keeping up with this site.
By the way, I have this great Alignment Chart idea that I could submit to you, if you would just consider taking this quick survey and we can pay you thirty dollars in separate penny installments!
As both a longtime fan of this site and HOT AIR BALLONS, frankly I’m shocked and appalled you passed up such a great opportunity to make $25 and provide readers like me a chance to read more HOT AIR BALLON content.
I’m just flabbergasted you’d turn up your nose at such a clear cut win-win for all parties involved, I tell you. I really expected better of you, MGK…
Did they claim that you have an interesting in FARMING just because you used the word chaff once in your reply?
Thok: I read MGK’s replay about three times trying to find a reason for the subject change to FARMING, and that’s the conclusion I came to as well.
Spammers seem like such a quaint internet problem to have, until you have to deal with them first hand. I guess it’s not like they were trying to recruit you into a harassment cult.
Starting next week: MGK’s 50-part series on I SHOULD WRITE THE HOT AIR BALLON
Screw HOT AIR BALLOONS, I need to know more about this quality undergarment opportunity.
Thok and Rwe, it’s because he used the word *wheat* in his reply.