Debate number three for America! A town hall! Undecided voters! Any good town hall debate is really just a chance to recite stump speeches in the most creatively repetitive way possible, which is why John McCain wanted to do so many of them. Rather than watch the debate on CNN, I am considering watching it on CBC Newsworld this time around. Not that there is much difference once the thing gets started, but I am a patriot.
(Meanwhile, here in Canada, someone is attempting to murder Liberal party supporters, so anybody complaining about people in Republican crowds shouting “nigger” and so forth – well, there’s still a ways to go, is my point, and all is darkest before the dawn, et cetera.)
8:56: I am curious to see whose lines CNN will be showing tonight, I must admit. Gotta love them lines!
8:58: Dumbass says “the debates don’t really change the polls,” two weeks past the first Presidential debate since when Obama has opened up a national lead of between four and eight percent depending on who you ask. Way to go, dumbass! You’re earning your money!
9:00: Tom Brokaw is your moderator. Thrilling. And the lines are… uncommitted Ohio voters, again, because Ohio is like the only potential swing state left John McCain can win. Note that they aren’t bothering with uncommitted Virginia voters any more. OH SNAP!
9:02: Tom Brokaw just told me I don’t have to be polite! THANK YOU TOM BROKAW! And here are your candidates. McCain already has his trademark creepy smile going for him, so that’s nice.
9:04: Alan “bald old guy” Schafer wants to know what the quickest way out of the financial crisis is. Not the BEST way! Just the FASTEST way! The answer is “nuclear war,” Alan, but maybe you should have asked a slightly less stupid question.
9:05: Obama goes for some populist points by attacking greedy executives at AIG, then talks about national infrastructure projects and fixing healthcare and fixing energy, only a very small amount of which answers Baldy’s question. See what I mean about town halls?
9:06: John McCain: “Americans are upset, they’re angry, and they’re a little fearful.” McCain talks about spending! OH MY GOD I MAY DIE OF SHOCK. He talks about the $10 trillion debt, then says America will “have to do something” about home values. And that something is – buy up all the bad mortgages and pretend they are expensive again. Or, as experts call it, “the worst idea humanly possible.”
9:08: “Who will you replace Henry Paulsen with?” McCain obviously doesn’t know right off the top, but it should be someone trustworthy! Like Warren Buffet, or Meg Whitman! Who invented eBay! (Well, not really, but cut him some slack.) Because running an auction site is JUST LIKE MACROECONOMIC THEORY! Obama says Buffet would be okay, but says what matters more than a name is picking somebody who is not a fucking idiot. The lines like “not a fucking idiot” type policy rather greatly.
9:11: Oliver Clark, who is black and therefore IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA, asks how the bailout will actually, like, help anybody. McCain explains that he suspended his campaign to make sure there were taxpayer protections, and how he managed to do this through telepathy and pointedly not saying anything. He then blames Obama for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, because Obama is simultaneously a completely inexperienced individual not ready for the Presidency and also the mastermind behind America’s financial downfall.
9:13: How does John McCain pat himself on the back so well when he cannot raise his arms above his shoulders?
9:14: Obama: “I have to correct a bit of Senator McCain’s history – not surprisingly.” TWO SNAPS IN A CIRCLE! Then points out that he saw it all coming and how, you know, he’s on the record on all that. Also, McCain is a lying liar, not that he says anything about Mr. Honorable Soldier Man who suffered for all free peoples everywhere.
9:16: Brokaw: “Is it gonna get worse before it gets better?” (Oh my yes.) Obama: not if we take action immediately and it works! (Which, I suppose, is not exactly untrue.) Lines love the idea of things working! McCain: it depends on whether we do. If we do something everybody says that won’t work, then maybe. Also, workers are awesome! America is the biggest exporter! (No.) The biggest importer! (Why is that good?)
9:19: Teresa “squeaky old lady” Clarke: How can we trust either of you, because all politicians are equally crap? Obama: lady, look at the numbers, will you? Also, healthcare and energy, in case I didn’t already mention those six times! (But the lines love it even more this time. Healthcare and energy!) Lady lines stay up forever, men drop down after he talks about a spending cut.
9:21: McCain: “I have been a consistent reformer, ever since I got caught helping Charles Keating illegally.” Oh no not really. Obama has never taken on his party on a single issue, which implies that the Democrats have had as many bad ideas as the Republicans over the last eight years. And now he’s talking about spending again! Spending is John McCain’s healthcare and energy, except that the lines don’t like him much at all.
9:23: Money spent on a projector for a planetarium? I think McCain really, really thought this was going to win him the election, the way he was grinning when he said it. Maybe he has a private poll that shows that Americans hate planetariums.
9:24: Entitlement reform, energy, healthcare – what order are your priorities? McCain says “all three” to duck the question, then explains that he wants to cut future Social Security benefits. (Annnnnnnd there goes Florida.) First mention of clean coal! Hooray for clean coal! You can wash with clean coal! It is better than soap! Obama: energy! Which means gas prices in stupid-talk, but lines love the idea of cheap gas or driving around in electric cars. Also, jetpacks. Healthcare is number two. Education, which was not on the list, is number three. Obama starts talking about earmarks, I suspect simply to piss off McCain, who sits there grinning like the Joker.
9:28: Tom Brokaw whines about time limits, then asks a question from the INTERNET. “HEY OBAMMA MICKANE I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGR?” No, actually it’s a question about sacrifice and what the candidates are willing to cut. McCain talks about types of defense spending and YES IT’S EARMARKS! But apparently now there are GOOD earmarks! And a President has to know the difference between good earmarks and bad earmarks. SPENDING FREEZE! Oh, please, Obama, translate that into benefits-lost-ese.
9:30: “We’re not rifleshots here! We’re Americans!” …what the fuck does that mean?
9:31: Obama compliments Bush on the first bits of 9/11, then attacks him for “go out and shop,” and talks about service. The lines kind of like that. This segues into individual responsibility, and then… drilling? Oh, god, Barack, don’t piss me off. I know you’re talking to idiots tonight, but come on. And then says the young people are going to serve, and doubling the Peace Corps and so forth. The lines love all of this, because if it gets those kids out of baggy pants and into coveralls, hooray!
9:33: Brokaw: “How would you encourage Americans to stop spending money they don’t have, at the individual level?” Obama does some rhetorical jiujitsu to relate this back to taxes somehow, and how giving rich people lots of tax cuts makes people not want to save money somehow.
9:35: McCain says Obama has like seven billion tax proposals, which isn’t true and makes no sense, so it’s exactly what McCain should say. He starts blathering about small business revenue, which isn’t true either. Lines are NOT GOOD for this. Then says that he isn’t in favor of tax cuts for the wealthy, which is, you know, not true. Man, McCain is just saying whatever the fuck he likes now. “I think we should all pay our taxes in lollipops!”
9:37: Obama wants to address this, but Brokaw won’t let him because, you know, it’s important to get to another question about Social Security going broke and the need to reform Social Security and Medicare, which is Brokaw’s question. TOM BROKAW IS VERY IMPORTANT. Obama takes the opportunity to mock McCain and the “Straight Talk Express,” and points out that McCain is, you know, full of shit about everything. Lady lines love him. Men lines are less enthusiastic. McCain has the death-grimace again, reading his cheat-sheet.
9:41: McCain says it’s easy to fix Social Security! Medicare won’t be easy, because McCain’s campaign has said he wants to cut it. No, wait, that’s not it, instead… what the FUCK is McCain talking about? He’s babbling, pure and simple. Then attacks Obama again with the “94 times voted for tax raises” thing.
9:43: Ingrid Jackson wants to know how fast McCain would move on the environment. McCain has no fucking idea how to answer this. Myfriends myfriends myfriends Lieberman myfriends. “I was on Navy ships that had nuclear power plants!” WHAT. Babbles about nuclear energy. My god, he’s so hyper. Did somebody make McCain snort some coke before the debate or something?
9:45: Obama parallels green jobs to computer jobs over the last few decades, then points out that computers were invented by the government. Points out that McCain votes against alternative fuels all the time. McCain laughs, either because he is visualizing strangling Obama or because he had a good gas-pass. Obama mentions that, whoops, you can’t drill your way out of the energy crisis, so drilling is a bad idea. THANK you, Barack. Yeesh.
9:47: Brokaw whines about time limits again, then asks whether or not the research effort for energy should be centralized or private. McCain talks about the last energy bill, practically seething at Obama, calling him “that one” (WHAT) and talks about offshore drilling being “vital.” He really really wants to drill.
9:02: Lady whose name I missed: should healthcare be treated as a commodity? Obama talks about his healthcare plan, which does not actually, like, answer the question or anything (TOWN HALL!) but at least it’s a clear, concise explanation of his plan. Then explains how the McCain plan will lead to nobody having healthcare and Road Warrior-like battles in the New Mexico desert.
9:53: McCain wants to do all sorts of things! “Let’s have medical records online, because that will stop… medical errors, I guess they call them.” My god, people will vote for this guy? Then talks about his stupid-ass plan, which – and I say this as someone who has talked his fair share about healthcare – is kind of the “hey let’s blow everything up” option.
9:55: Is healthcare a right, a privilege or a responsibility? McCain: responsibility! By which he means he hates socialized medicine, like for example the health care he has gotten for his entire life. Obama: it’s a right. (Lines jump upward right away.) Then attacks insurance companies and the lines love him even more. Then explains McCain’s race-to-the-bottom strategy, and just tears McCain a new one.
9:59: Foreign policy time! But McCain wants to make fun of Obama again. (Lines dip a bit.) Phil Elliott, on the other hand, wants to know how the fiscal crisis will affect national security and America’s ability to be a peacemaker. McCain replies that America is awesome and that America needs to be careful about picking the right battles and America is really just kind of huggable, you know? The lines love him when he saying nice things about America, and plummet when he starts attacking Obama. Also, and this will amaze you, he did not answer the question.
10:02: Obama attacks McCain on Iraq. The ladylines love that. More attacks on Iraq. The menlines join the ladies. My god, it’s almost like picking a dedicated antiwar candidate was a good idea or something!
10:04: Brokaw wants to know if there is an Obama Doctrine and a McCain Doctrine for sending in troops when there’s no immediate national security issue. Obama: “If we could have stopped Rwanda…” Uh, Barack? Just pointing out that, you know, the United States could have done that. And so could everybody else, in fairness. Regardless, Obama’s discussion of moral responsibility scores very highly with the lines.
10:02: The McCain Doctrine: don’t die! No, just kidding, McCain wants to talk about Iraq and how Obama was wrong about the surge. The lines don’t care. Please talk about the surge some more, Old Man McCain! Then, and I cannot believe this, McCain says that being President needs a “cool hand at the tiller,” because when you think “somebody not commanded by a powerful and irrational temper,” you think John McCain! John McCain has been in situations that needed that cool hand all his life! When, exactly, he does not specify.
10:08: Katie Hamm: Should the US respect Pakistani borders, or dis Pakistani borders, or what? Obama: Afghanistan distracted Iraq blah blah blah you know the drill. The lines like it well enough. McCain: Teddy Roosevelt is my hero, and Barack Obama is no Teddy Roosevelt, because he is A) black B) not dead C) lacking an impressive moustache. Then John “Bomb Bomb Iran” McCain accuses Obama of talking too loudly.
10:13: Obama asks for a followup. McCain whines that he should get a followup too. Brokaw officially gives up on having any control over the debate at all, which is probably the wisest thing he could do. TOM BROKAW IS IRRELEVANT. Then BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF McCAIN HOLY SHIT listing off all the times John McCain has said something fucking stupid about a potential enemy. The lines like this rather well, considering Obama is attacking McCain on his strength. McCain understands what it’s like to send Americans into harm’s way, because he crashed his plane into an aircraft carrier this one time and killed like a hundred guys. THAT’S harm’s way, Obama, you pussy.
10:16: American generals say Afghanistan is a failure. What do you do? Obama: get troops out of Iraq, put them in Afghanistan, tell Karzai to shape up and make a functioning democracy in Afghanistan. McCain: General Petreus will save us in Afghanistan! AH-AH-AHHHHHHH! PETREUS! Then complains that Obama still won’t admit that he’s wrong about everything! WHY won’t Obama just concede the election to John McCain? WHY?
10:19: A question from the INTERNET? “Are you going to give me up? Are you gonna let me go? Are you gonna run away and desert me?” No, it’s about starting a new Cold War! McCain: Vladimir Putin wants to conquer the Ukraine and Georgia and John McCain will make the Russians understand there are penalties for this kind of behavior. Obama: we need to anticipate these problems ahead of time, and I said stuff about Georgia well in advance. Then talks about energy again, because people looooooove energy!
10:23: Russia! Evil empire: Yes or no? Obama: Kinda? McCain: Maybe. POLITICS!
10:24: Terry Shirey, a retired Navy person, wants to talk about Israel. What if Iran attacks Israel? WHAT DO YOU DO? McCain shakes the guy’s hand, because they were both in the Navy and that’s what you do. Talks about what if Iran gets nukes? Obama would talk without preconditions to Iran (seriously, this is like the eleven hundreth time McCain has said that and I still don’t get his issue with it). Obama doesn’t shake the guy’s hand, and I expect National Review Online will explode with rage over failing to honor this brave serviceman. Obama says he’ll use all the tools in the toolbox, even the corkscrew that gets in there by accident that you sometimes use to clean under your nails.
10:30: NEW HAMPSHIRE INTERNET QUESTION: “What don’t you know and how will you learn it?” No, that’s not my lame PostSecret parody, that was the actual question. Obama: it’s not what you see coming that gives you problems. Also, I was poor, but I worked my way up now and hey I’m running for President! McCain: myfriends tough times myfriends myfriends serving my country myfriends POW myfriends I believe in America myfriends steady hand at the tiller put my country first myfriends.
10:34: Tom Brokaw whines that McCain and Obama are standing in front of the TelePrompTer, which is just the capper on this evening. Cindy McCain, the fearsome Republican she-robot, makes an appearance. Michelle Obama shows up as well, looking foxy. (Seriously: sexiest potential First Lady EVAR.)
Bottom line: pundits will likely say something about it being a tie, but god, McCain was just flailing all over the place like an idiot. And… wow, Wolf Blitzer is actually saying that it was obvious that McCain has “disdain” for Obama. WOW. I never thought that would happen.
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57 users responded in this post
I love how being opposed to the War in Iraq is a “left leaning position”
I love reading this liveblog. Yes, I’m watching the damn thing, but it’s so much better to read it here simultaneously.
Oh man I’m gonna drink some Thunderbird and take my pants off with Tom Brokaw’s permission
F5 F5 F5. LOOK AT THE LINES ABOUT GETTING MONEY BACK FORM THE CEOS.
Checking out the debate here from work. Why did I agree to close tonight? Why?!
Man, I love election years. I always feel so special and wanted. Go Ohio!
McCain waddled out to the first question.
I giggled.
Is McCain disturbingly close to these people or what? Talk about invading people’s personal space.
McCain’s odd sense of humor is venturing dangerously close to “pissy”
I should really be asleep. Damn politics for being interesting! And damn MGK for being funny!
Obama: “I have to correct a bit of Senator McCain’s history – not surprisingly.”
Eat it you old bastard! EAT IT!
hoo boy the lines love Obama talking about the economy.
But you love the plane*arium!
Whoever is playing a drinking game with “my friends” as a trigger is already hammered.
New way to think of female lines: Topping out = orgasm.
Enough of Tom Brokaw whining about the candidates going over their allotted time. Next debate, just cut the mics, because unless Brokaw declares that he’s two seconds from cutting a bitch, it’s just a waste.
^^^ That would be the single most entertaining thing ever.
John McCain will make you INSURE YOUR CHILDREN!
Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn
>the McCain plan will lead to nobody having healthcare and Road Warrior-like battles in the New Mexico desert
Woah… careful. That’s awesome enough to swing the nerd vote to McCain. All we need is a guarantee that the radiation will cause all women to look like Sybil Danning and that fur bikinis will be compulsory.
oh please that question about being a peacemaker, COME ON
pacemaker maybe
and Road Warrior-like battles in the New Mexico desert
Someone hasn’t tried to buy gas in Atlanta lately.
Or gas in Charlotte. 😛
I’m loving how much McCain is flopping all over the place. Undecideds in Ohio say “Obama ahoy!”
Then, and I cannot believe this, McCain says that being President needs a “cool hand at the tiller,” because when you think “somebody not commanded by a powerful and irrational temper,” you think John McCain!
Holy Christ. The man has absolutely no sense of self, does he? I’m actually not completely believing that he said that, and I’m too embarrassed for the human race to watch. And the name “Budd Dwyer” sticks in my brain.
“Talking too loudly”? For serious?? *not watching* Oldy old McOlderson.
I’ve put in my election related time thanks very much, I will read a website blocked at my elections job to get my elections news. So far, it sounds damn good F5 F5 F5
There seems to be a lot of whining, I do not regret not watching anymore.
McCain: “Second cold war? Pfffft! Don’t be stupid, that’ll never happen. Second holocaust, on the other hand, might happen any day now.”
Your liveblogging is my new favorite thing ever, even though the word “liveblogging” itself sounds like something that fish do for “adult” entertainment. I can live with that, though. That’s not a promise that I’ll be down with *any* ichthyologic or other kinkiness you happen to come up with, nor a waiver of any possible rights I may have in the near future to sue you for damages when I saturate my keyboard in a massive caffeinated spit-take due to your awesome sexy liveblogging.
Yes? Yes!
@PureDoxyk : my job lists this page as “adult”, so there you have it.
At first I thought Cindy McCain was the borg, but she is clearly a new model of Cylon.
Budd Dwyer – Budwiser. That might be why it sticks.
I think Cindy was scared when Obama patted her on the shoulder. Either that or she was pissed that he had attempted to make friendly contact.
I less than 3 these live blogs. So, so rad.
“I know you’re talking to idiots tonight, but come on.”
Well, that’s the problem. Obama can’t convince McCain supporters who think he’s the ZOMG anti-christ. These are the same people who can believe that a “maverick” can “keep his cool with his hand in the tiller.” Also the ones who would like to simultaneously believe that Obama has no experience whatsoever but yet still managed to indulge in “cronyism.”
So they’re right out.
The undecided voters are really the only ones left, but consider these are the people who still haven’t made up their minds about who is a better candidate.
Smart?
Not so much.
“At first I thought Cindy McCain was the borg, but she is clearly a new model of Cylon.”
Actually, I always thought Saul and Ellen Tigh bore a STRIKING resemblance to the McCains…
Dude, how did you miss the fact that McCain refused to shake Obama’s hand?
By the way, what constitutes “potential first lady”? Because depending on that definition, Elizabeth Kucinich might deserve some consideration.
No, wait. She definitely does. Can we consider her for a moment?
Dennis Kucinich may have lost the primary, but he wins at life.
I thought they kept it pretty clean, considering the hype.
[…] And now back to MGK. […]
O’Reilly: Hi, I’m Bill O’Reilly and welcome to the Factor. We’re here with William Kristol. So, what did you think?
Kristol: Well Brokaw didn’t manage to get out of his extreme leftist headspace in his quesitons and his moderating style and did a disservice to McCain. Conventional liberal media bias, you know. It wasn’t a real town-hall, with real Joe six-packs who I characterize to be shitheads in my condescending elitist neocon douchey manner.
O’Reilly: No doubt about that. Did you see any questions about wether we should nuke Iran or create a proper holocaust on muslims? About if we should officialize the war on the people who are waging a war on christmas? No. It’s sickening and revolting. These are bad times, America. THAT ONE might actually be president. So, Karl, what did you think?
Rove: Well, Obama surely kept on with his San Fagcisco Jew York school of anti-american marxist KKK and terrorist cock-sucking ways. I didn’t see him once calling Chavez a dictator and threatening to kill him and leaders of Spain in latin america. He didn’t even used that marine’s ass hair as dental floss! Absolutetly no respect for the men and woman in our uniforms. It was a wash to McCain, even if McCain only coded Obama as nigafag two times.
O’Reilly: OK, McCain still winning then. But be worried, America. And don’t be afraid to think violent thoughts. (eyes shoot hypnotic beams: “u r john hinkly!”) Good night.
Bottom line: Wow, I should really go check out the Adler Planetarium sometime.
I’ll admit, I didn’t watch the debate, and I was right not to do so. Newsflash–McCain lousy speaker. Obama height of cool.
Instead I saw some movie on AMC. GO GO GO civic duty!
I did watch it, politics is my bloodsport. But whenever I read MGK’s liveblogging of the debates I end up interpreting it as Eddie Izzard at his sarcastic best commenting live in a golf whisper during the proceedings. Hilarity ensues.
Michelle Obama shows up as well, looking foxy. (Seriously: sexiest potential First Lady EVAR.)
About time somebody pointed this out. Because, c’mon. Damn.
I couldn’t watch the debate, so I appreciate the liveblog with delivers the lulziest moments without having to look at John McCain’s creepy, peanut-shaped head.
I love how Cindy McCain just toured the audience beside her husband with her hands behind her back while Michelle was actually shaking hands and talking to people.
My theory is that Cindy must have been busy secretly holding the ripcord that was holding her face in that high, alarmingly-happy position.
McCain (jumps into the car after the debate): The negros stole our dates!
“We’re not rifleshots here! We’re Americans!” …what the fuck does that mean?
It means we can focus on more than one thing at once.
Which would make a lot of sense if it weren’t coming from the candidate who decided he couldn’t do his job in Washington and campaign at the same time.
@Zenrage: You do realize that John McCain has an adopted black daughter right? He’s plenty of negative things, but a racist isn’t one of them.
Liking this recap, aaaand I thought we’d get through this one without any more stupidly misogynistic comments, but then right at the end you gotta be either hatin on or sex-objectifyin the potential first-ladies. Seriously dude, why?
You do realize that John McCain has an adopted black daughter right? He’s plenty of negative things, but a racist isn’t one of them.
Except for, y’know, using racial slurs to refer to Vietnamese.
@Skemono: To be fair, he did apologize for that and made it clear that he was only referring to the people who beat and tortured him for five years.
I’m aware of McCain’s notpology, and I really don’t think the fact that he was referring to his captors excuses it.
@Skemono: Then that’s your opinion. You can disagree with his use of the word, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that his motives for making those comments were clearly based out of anger towards his captors, thats his own inability to let go of the past, but it still isn’t racism.
Using a racial slur isn’t racism now? Uh-huh.
Racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.
So basically your opinion is that context plays no role in the use of racial slurs. If someone uses a racial slur, regardless of motivation, that automatically makes them a racist? That’s a bit too much of a black and white way of viewing the world for me, but you have every right to your opinion.
So basically your opinion is that context plays no role in the use of racial slurs. If someone uses a racial slur, regardless of motivation, that automatically makes them a racist? That’s a bit too much of a black and white way of viewing the world for me, but you have every right to your opinion.
I am taking the context into account. It’s just that the context you and McCain provide is completely irrelevant. Calling someone a gook out of anger somehow means that it is not racist? That’s absurd.
What’s absurd is how can you claim to take context into account and then dismiss it as irrelevant in the next sentence. If his anger towards the people who captured and tortured him for five years isn’t relevant towards why he would use a racial slur, what would constitute relevant context to you? Look at the definition of racism and then look at his comment, its quite easy to see that anger towards his captors, not a feeling of inherent superiority towards them, was his reason for using the word. I never said that his use of the word is justified, but it still doesn’t fall under racism. I’m not saying you have to condone his use of the word, and I never said that I condone it either, but his use of it is indicative of his inability to let go of the past, it isn’t racism.