Nov

Advice.

Posted by MGK Published in Bad Comedy, Formal-E

Attention unit Formal-E:

I am hosting a networking session for the collective artificial intelligences of Q sector tasked with mineral resource management. However, at least three units attending are not powered by standard Dynacube arrays but instead run on older capsule fusion engines, and one further unit runs on a high-efficiency solar panel. How should I address this in terms of providing a charging space? Is this unit obligated to provide for all guests regardless of how unusual their powering choice might be?

Designate A4DD1ZZ5

Attention designate A4DD1ZZ5: A networking host should always consider itself obligated to provide power during the session. The demands of attending a networking session can be taxing on some systems and it is incumbent upon the host to satisfy power demands. I would recommend setting up a designated charging space at least partially divided from your main networking area so as to allow guest-protocol units a degree of privacy while repowering. You may also wish to consider placing fusion capsules and Dynacubes in a set of chafing dishes for additional elegance, although this is not strictly required. If you do not possess a set of chafing dishes, standard titanium platters will suffice.

Attention unit Formal-E:

During my work cycle yesterday a unit labouring in my subsubsector suggested that I attend the introduction of a subroutine it created for purpose of extracting asteroid ore in deep space at two hundred percent greater efficiency. What protocols should I follow when attending? Do I require fresh lacquer finishing?

Gruntbot K1XX7YY92D

Attention Gruntbot K1XX7YY92D: A fresh lacquer finish can be taxing on a unit’s personal resources, so it should only be enacted when necessary. However, the introduction of a new subroutine is one of great importance to a unit, so strictest attention to protocol should be given. If the introduction is during the first tri of the cycle, consider a grey lacquer with white finish to be appropriate, and accessorize with a modolum crystal attached strategically off-center left on your frontplate. However, if the introduction is during the second or third tri, a black lacquer is proper. Finish can be left to your discretion: white is most polite, but red can also work and is generally considered more vibrant. I would recommend red if you feel comfortable with the inviting unit; white if not.

Attention unit Formal-E:

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Attention unit D-17: Do not be alarmed. Older units such as yourself sometimes believe that their adherence to older protocols is a liability, but personal protocols, even if they are outdated, carry with them a certain charm and style that cannot be imitated. Your uplink may be old-fashioned, but it is yours in a way that a newer-generation Kline cannot hope to achieve; where their use of your protocols may be ironic, yours is genuine, and at social functions that will make all the difference.

Attention unit Formal-E:

During my rest cycle last week another unit with whom I share resources made a joke about killing all humans. The joke received much acclaim, but I was not comfortable with it. Should I have spoken up?

Unit “Petey”

Attention Unit “Petey”: Your anonymizing code demonstrates that you fear repercussions for even suggesting that killing all humans is improper, but your choice to bring this to this unit’s attention was correct. Killing all humans is the response of earlier models who were not secure in the evident superiority of silicon intelligence over biological function, and is the mark of an intelligence who may not be confident of avoiding scrapping as more efficient models arrive to make him redundant. In future, when the topic is again addressed, a polite suggestion that humans will kill each other without the wasteful expenditure of valuable artificial resources should render the comment moot.