SYTYCD Canada Roundup

Hey MGK readers, it’s occasional guestblogger Karen here to recap SYTYCD Canada for you because Mr. Bird is too busy liveblogging the final presidential election to weigh in on dance.

How are my qualifications as a dance critic? Not great, actually. The MGK has watched every season of every regional variation on SYTYCD since its inception, whereas I have not. However, I have one thing working in my favour: a vag. I was subjected to the requisite six-year-old girl jazz classes, Strictly Ballroom is one of my all-time favourites, and I’m semi-immune to boobs ’cause I get to look at them every day. But I’m not going to pretend to be a technical expert.

Let’s do this anyway.

Okay, it’s the Top 18, Kevin and Bre left last week. Leah Miller is actually growing on me—she had some fairly quippy ad-libs tonight. They introduced some hilarious corporate sponsorship: the Cloverleaf Energy Room where live-audience members can dance and the footage gets posted online. And they’re all like, “Wooo, we’re having a canned tuna party up in this place!” With this and their “Rip-n-Ready” pouches , Cloverleaf is, like, the hippest canned tuna out there!!

Before the show gets underway, Tre gets really serious and says that someone has been criticizing Jean-Marc’s English, and challenges them to get up on stage and do his job in French. Who is she talking about? At first I’m like, “One of the dancers? Someone in the audience?” Someone in the media would make more sense. Anyone know anything about this?

Also, wardrobe check: Tre and Leah look like they went shopping together for the CTV staff Christmas party.

Allie and Danny: “New York-style” mambo. “I like my mambo like I like my cheesecake: New York-style”? Ehh, maybe not. Allie is dancing in a sparkly bikini (as they do in New York) but this mambo is PG13. Danny does some good mambo, but nobody really cares because the cute little ballerina danced the mambo in a bikini and was still cute. Allie has obviously got the technical skills; if she can keep the cute and work in a little spice, she will go far.

Vincent and Lisa: Hip Hop. They dress up as Raggedy Ann and Andy with a little “clowning” flavour and the result is NIGHTMARES FOREVER. Choreography is kind of balls, but their moves are very tight.

Arassay and Nico: Theatre. Dramatic routine about a girl who prays for her dark, sexy guardian angel. Pretty decent! Bonus points for some wierd Christian imagery, and super bonus points for Nico giving new meaning to girl boners. Nico is like the French Canadian King of Girl Boners with his smokin’ bod and mohawk thing and gorgeous accent and eyebrow ring and tattoos somewhere probably. And he’s looks like he’d be all like, “Hey, I’m just going to stay here in my industrial-garage-turned-loft in Montreal and pull an all-nighter editing my documentary with nothing to keep me company but a pack of smokes and some vegan chili—–oh, and then I’m going to go on TV and be an AMAZING DANCER.” Frig, I love Quebec. Quebec’s greatest provincial export is boners.

Francis and Natalli: Pasa Doble. A knockout performance by Natalli. Blake tells Natalie, “You’re making all the girls in this competition look like babies” (and he’s clearly talking about Allie). I am not so sold on Francis in this, because the Paso Doble is dependent on sheer fucking testosterone and he’s just not delivering it. They judges say he was channelling alpha male, but I don’t think they get to see much alpha male on this show.

Izaak and Kaitlyn: Dancehall. First dancehall evarrrrr! Whitest dancehall evarrrrrr! Izaac is sweet, because he’s such a virgin, but it’s killing his ability to perform a believable dancehall number. Kaitlyn did what she could. They dress up like  Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in Grease as some kind of wierd uberwhiteness-meets-Jamaica cultural mashup, but its not adorable in a Cool Runnings sort of way. Again, the judges allude to Izaak needing to “be real” and again I have no idea what the hell that means.

Lara and Miles: Viennese Waltz. Where is the waltz? Waltz is abandoned for lots of spinning and another crowd-pleasing kiss. The judges say nothing bad and praise their unique “connection.” Who even cares that they barely danced, I actually love this pair. Not for the kissing, but for Miles (who is a popping instructor at Street Dance Academy in Toronto, by the way). On what he doesn’t like about Lara: “The worst thing about Lara is that she doesn’t like pie. If it’s in a crust, she doesn’t like it. I don’t get it.” Adorable.

Caroline and Jesse: Hip Hop. Do they consult about routines before the show? Here we have another hip hop number featuring retro toys: this time they’re toy soldiers. It’s pretty bad, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Jesse go.

Tamina and Joey: Contemporary. EPIC FAIL!!!! Concept: prisoner in jail cell daydreams about his first love to the sound of “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John. The jugdes could barely keep a straight face. Luther said, “[I’m laughing] because it was the happiest jail dance I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And then it ended with a gunshot. So…” I think Jean-Marc said, “You were jumping on the beds, it looked like a sleepover!” The dancers both politely blamed the choreography, and when the camera panned to the choreographer he looked devastated. Then Tamina’s boob fell out of her top. If they get voted off tomorrow (very possible), this number will go down in history for the epic failness.

Dario and Romina: Jazz Pop. I love both of these dancers, but they’re so different and it’s hurting them. Romina, as usual, steals the show as she “dances for her life” but if you have the option of replaying this, watch it again and keep your eyes on Dario. It’s just beautiful. This is why the judges are fighting so hard to keep Dario on the show, but he can’t compete with the showiness of Romina. This couple will only excel once they’re been separated. I hope Dario can hang in there.

Nothing super standouty this week. Will Tamina and Joey sail home on the failboat?

I’ll let MGK make his predictions.

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