But consider this an open thread for me to make comments and for you to make comments.
6:54: Holy shit it’s only 51-48 McCain in Kentucky. And Lunsford, the Democrat, is ahead of Mitch McConnell 51-49. Only ten percent in, but.
7:02: Oh good, CNN has Soledad O’Brien with a touchboard and an old guy explaining exit polls, which are wildly inaccurate (remember 2004?) and pointless. Why can’t they just do a softshoe or something? Meanwhile, BBC Canada has the Beeb coverage, which is sober and sensible, much like a British banker. (Except without the suicidal urges of late.)
7:11: I would very much like to punch Bill Bennett in his smug fat-fuck face. LIBERAL RAAAAAAAGE!
7:16: CNN has some lady reporter appearing as a hologram in the studio. KILL IT WITH FIRE
7:17: …and they made the Princess Leia joke, which is why I didn’t make it. Sometimes this shit is played out before you even start, you know?
7:28: BIG SHOCKING NEWS: McCain only leading in rural counties thus far. I KNOW IT IS SHOCKING NEWS! Wolf Blitzer is so excited to report on this news! He told me so!
7:47: Chill, people. Most of the reporting is coming from rural counties: cities almost always report last because they take more time. Obama is going to WIPE FLOOR in Indiana and probably Virginia as well. (Georgia – I think it’ll be close but not so much a win.)
7:58: WHY THEY CALL SOME STATES AND NOT OTHERS. Even if McCain was ahead, say, 55-45 in Indiana, they wouldn’t call it before knowing how Lake and the other counties that are just Chicago suburbs voted, because those counties have a big enough population and a big enough chance of going heavily and predictably Democratic that they can swing an election all by themselves. Extrapolate this logic to them calling South Carolina for McCain but not Georgia for McCain despite the vote totals. In Georgia they’re waiting to see what happens in Atlanta; in SoCal there’s nothing that is a big deal left that is a big mystery, although of course there could always be a shocker (but there won’t). EXPLAINED!
8:04: Soledad-O explains to us that South Carolina went for McCain because of all the evangelical Christians, what with their ark-building and predilection for stonings.
8:21: I never noticed it before but David Axelrod looks uncannily like a more-shaven version of Toby Ziegler.
8:27: Wait, they are airing commercials for Zack and Miri Make a Porno in the US that cut off the “make a porno” part of the title? LAAAAAAAME.
8:30: New Hampshire called for Obama. The Josiah Bartlet endorsement probably did that.
8:41: CNN finally gets off the fence and calls Pennsylvania for Obama. HA HA FUCK YOU MCCAIN.
8:52: GOP Official Hispanic Guy Alex Castellanos carrying water like a good trooper and explaining how Mitch McConnell or Saxby Chambliss getting their asses handed to them can still be a good thing.
8:55: Only a few minutes until the Midwest reports in and McCain can get some, what do you call them, oh yes, “electoral votes.”
9:02: As McCain gets Wyoming and North Dakota (ooooh, he’s so special), I witness a new talking point being born as Soledad-O and her touchscreen buddy explain to us that of voters who said that race was important in determining their vote, 55 percent voted for Obama. Get ready for every right-wing asshole explaining to you how Obama only won the Presidency because of magical sympathy votes for the black guy. I’m not kidding; you’re gonna hear it.
9:06: Bill Bennett (I hate him so much ARGH) explains that the lack of the Bradley Effect proves that America has “grown up” and that racism doesn’t exist any more. Which is bullshit, because the reason this election is so close is because a significant percentage of Americans were willing to out-and-out say they didn’t want to vote for the black guy rather than feel guilty about admitting that fact.
9:10: Tara Wall, who is a black female Republican I had never heard of before tonight, explains how Republicans can take hope despite an electoral drubbing because Mitch Daniels won the governorship of Indiana. EVERYTHING IS GOOD FOR CONSERVATIVES!
9:21: David Gergen ponderously explains that Obama may not have coattails because Mitch McConnell will squeak out a victory in Kentucky and Saxby Chambliss may yet win in Georgia. Yes, a black candidate who cannot magically generate wins in the Deep South is a lesser being!
9:25: As Hank Williams Junior serenades a roomful of downbeat white people at McCain HQ, Wolf Blitzer promises a YOOOOOGE announcement after the break. Fifty-fifty: Ohio or Florida.
9:36: Ohio goes Obama and the CROWD! GOES! WILD! Meanwhile, Virginia now in a dead heat, Indiana still winnable, and the forces of goodness and light ahead in North Carolina and Florida.
9:39: Total LOL of the night: at McCain campaign HQ, they’ve stopped announcing the states they’ve lost. MCCAIN WILL BE PRESIDENT OF WYOMING, MOTHERFUCKERS!
9:52: Bill Bennett explains that John McCain is a special, special boy for keeping the campaign “so close” when it was a “perfect storm” for Obama to win, what with him being black and being liberal and having an Arabic name all being so awesomely in Obama’s favour and all. John McCain is the bestest!
9:57: Okay, I am going to mostly peace out for an hour while I watch the Daily Show election special. Feel free to continue discussing and commenting in my mostly-absence.
10:07: (it’s a commercial break and Obama has finally pulled ahead in Virginia.)
10:44: Aasif Mandvi’s “report from Al Qaeda HQ” bit was easily the high point of this special, he said as Virginia became more and more clearly Obama territory.
10:49: Charles Ogletree, who was the Obama’s legal mentor at Harvard Law School, is now on and my god he is just killing it – intelligent, naturally funny, getting off good lines at Colbert’s obviously delighted expense. He should be on teevee more.
11:12: Juan Williams is in tears on CNN. Wonderful moment.
11:19: John McCain tries to start the traditional polite concession speech and his supporters BOO the mention of Obama. Stay classy, Republicans.
11:33: Maybe the win is guaranteed now, but size of it still matters; hence, Obama taking Florida? Good news.
11:53: And they are partying like fuck at Ebenezer Baptist Church. Good on them.
11:54: Prop 8 currently passing at 54-46 with ten percent of votes in. Come on, left coasters, fix that shit.