FLAPJACKS: So did you win a Weblog Award yet?
ME: No, I wasn’t even nominated.
FLAPJACKS: But I thought you tried to get people to nominate you?
ME: No, I tried to get them to nominate me for the Bloggies.
FLAPJACKS: But it says here that the Bloggies are the weblog awards.
ME: They’re weblog awards, but they’re not the Weblog Awards.
FLAPJACKS: What’s the difference?
ME: The Bloggies are more important.
FLAPJACKS: Why?
ME: Because they’re older and more prestigious.
FLAPJACKS: But aren’t the Weblog Awards bigger?
ME: I’m sure I wouldn’t know.
FLAPJACKS: They are.
ME: Look, the Bloggies are clearly more important because they have a snazzy nickname. It’s like – look, do you know who won the American Music Awards last year?
FLAPJACKS: …you know, I don’t.
ME: There you go.
FLAPJACKS: Of course, I don’t have any idea who won the Grammys either.
ME: But you feel a bit guilty that you don’t, right?
FLAPJACKS: …wow. That’s right.
ME: Or, like, the Golden Globes and the Oscars. Who won Best Picture last year at the Oscars?
FLAPJACKS: Good Burger.
ME: You always say that and you’re never right.
FLAPJACKS: One day I will be.
ME: That is a horrific yet strangely philosophical thought.
FLAPJACKS: So anyway, did you get nominated for a Bloggy?
ME: I don’t know yet. The nominating period is over and now they’re whittling down the list to make a set of final candidates to vote on.
FLAPJACKS: Think you’ll be on any lists?
ME: I don’t even think about it, to be honest.
FLAPJACKS: Oh, come on. You totally do. You actually set up a campaign to win the Canadian Weblog Awards. Then you threatened all the other sites to be less awesome during the vote period or you would make sure that they got syphilis. This is the next logical step.
ME: I didn’t threaten anybody with syphilis.
FLAPJACKS: You would have if you’d thought of it.
ME: Anyway, I’m telling you, I’m too busy to think about these things.
FLAPJACKS: You’ve probably already figured out who to bribe.
ME: Even if I did do that, I’m sure I don’t have the money to afford such things.
FLAPJACKS: You didn’t have the capacity to give anybody syphilis either, but did that stop you?
ME: Why on earth did you go to “giving people syphilis” for the purposes of comparison?
FLAPJACKS: If you don’t get nominated, are you going to call all the other blogs douchebags?
ME: No.
FLAPJACKS: …hey, you could call them “doucheblogs!” Doucheblogs! It’s a thing! We totally have to make this a thing!
ME: We really don’t.
FLAPJACKS: Oh, come on, it works! Kathy Shaidle is a doucheblogger! Glenn Reynolds is a doucheblogger! Jeff Bridges is a doucheblogger!
ME: …what do you have against Jeff Bridges?
FLAPJACKS: It was my life’s ambition to play Obadiah Stane in a movie about Iron Man, and he took that from me.
ME: Anyway, I think you’re too late to make “doucheblog” a thing.
FLAPJACKS: Why?
ME: Because it is a word with “blog” in it, and I’m pretty sure every single word that can be punned off of with “blog” has already been invented by somebody else.
FLAPJACKS: “Bloggage”?
ME: Yes.
FLAPJACKS: “Diablog”?
ME: Yes.
FLAPJACKS: “Catablog”?
ME: Yes.
FLAPJACKS: “Blogeye”?
ME: That is just “Popeye” with the word “blog” stuffed into it.
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13 users responded in this post
Flapjacks ain’t so bad, even if he is a bit of a doucheblog…
Also there is already a doucheblog.com and doucheblog.org. And a totaldoucheblog.com. So you’re both right…
How diablogical.
Flapjacks (assuming he’s real and not a figment of your imagination) should try to find work as somebody’s campaign manager.
Michelle Malkin is a total doucheblog.
Well, as you have learned the hard way, not threatening people with syphilis leads to not getting nominated. Remember that next year!
(And obviously hope that all of these people have safe sex, because if not then the threat may be hollow.)
Flapjacks should have his own blog.
“How diablogical.”
Win. Pure win.
It is my personal theory that Flapjacks does not exist, and what we have here is a total Fight Club situation.
There’s not *quite* the same overt homoeroticism between MGK & Flapjacks as there is in Fight Club. Actually, I’ve always perceived their discussions more along the lines of angel/devil dialogues upon the shoulders Chris Bird.
If there’s anything we’ve learned from the internet, it’s that anytime two people of the same sex are speaking, in the same room, in the same fictional universe, or none of the above, there’s overt homoeroticism there.
You realize that by analyzing this, you’re now a blogologist, or at the very least, a blogosopher.
Does Flapjacks have trouble hearing things over the sound of how awesome he is?
When Good Burger wins best picture, you’ll all feel a slight quake, because I’ll be celebrating THAT hard.