Your guest judge this week is Toni Basil, apparently because the producers felt the need to re-inflict upon us the worst guest judge ever.
Karla and Jonathan: hip-hop. I’m generally a big fan of Dave Scott’s choreography and I think I would have liked this routine if it wasn’t danced for crap: Jonathan was absolutely terrible in this, dancing what is quite possibly the whitest hip-hop on SYTYCD pretty much ever. Karla was much better, but unfortunately I don’t think she lived up to the standard of “oh hi I am a member of a top-flight hip-hop crew incidentally.” Jonathan was so painfully bad in this he made Karla look bad.
Asuka and Vitolio: jazz. Mandy Moore continues her endless quest to choreograph every single song that played at her high school prom with a lifeless, floppy, slow bland number that was just utter dogshit. Worse, it was utter dogshit that wasn’t danced very well by Asuka: her extensions on her leaps were painful to watch. Vitolio was better. That is all I have to say about this piece, which was terrible and worse forgettably terrible.
Melissa and Ade: rumba. Man, Ade was just on form tonight: he partnered Melissa very well indeed, pulling off the oft-difficult rumba combination of being both sensual and damn manly at the same time. Melissa was solid, although her hands were definitely in the crabby-hand mold that can distract sometimes. They bobbled one move (that slow assisted spin into the wrap) a little bit, but other than that this was pretty strong. They should be safe.
Carla and Turk Janette and Brandon: hip-hop. Brandon danced the motherfucking shit out of this. Seriously, Brandon hasn’t danced in his style once yet so far and he’s just nailing everything they give him. Janette was solid as well; not on Brandon’s level, but definitely at least coming up to meet him towards the end. It’s kind of depressing that this is only the second watchable hip-hop routine of the season when we’ve had six of them so far, but if nothing else this was definitely a highlight of the entire season.
Kayla and Kupono: Viennese waltz. Jean-Marc Genereaux excels at creating waltzes where the actual waltzing can be disguised under a layer of lyrical movement, and this was no exception. During the rare moments in the routine where Kayla and Kupono actually had to, you know, waltz, they were exposed for the non-ballroomers they were. But the sweeping lifts and poses that Jean-Marc put in to hide their mediocre waltzing more or less covered their asses. Reminiscent of the Kherington/Twitch waltz from last season, albeit not as good – Twitch was much better at partnering than Kupono is and it showed tonight. Even so, watchable.
Randi and Evan: contemporary. Mia Michaels dialing it down? What is happening to the world? Maybe this is Mia reacting to all the other choreographers doing more complex routines. “If they will do complex then I will do simple! I am MIA MICHAELS dammit!” But yeah, her Randi’s Ass Dance was charming and clever and entertaining and memorable in ways that a lot of her routines last season weren’t, and Evan and Randi danced it very well. Back to basics Mia: me like. (Also, Nigel deciding that the routine was about “an old man and a beautiful girl” is all sorts of friggin’ creepy. Don’t project your pathetic inner fantasy life onto the dancers, Nigel. Or at least don’t tell us that you’re doing that.)
Caitlyn and Jason: paso doble. This was all kinds of bad. Jason’s posture was much weaker than Mary allowed for, and worse yet he wasn’t even forceful. When he opened his mouth for those supposedly dramatic silent screams, he looked like somebody had stepped on his foot. Caitlyn was clumsy and totally lacking character and about as sultry as Betty White in a chador. Mary Murphy felt the need to reference their Bollywood routine again to explain how good they really were. Dear Mary: the Bollywood was only moderately good at best, and also it was two weeks ago. Get the fuck over it already. We do not need Bollywood to become the new Broadway.
Jeanine and Philipchbeeb: Broadway. Oh shit I said “Broadway” and then Tasty Oreo appeared! HE IS LIKE CANDYMAN! But now that I’ve said that I will retract my usual dislike of Tasty Oreo’s Broadway, because this routine was not his usual “How To Rip Off Bob Fosse In Thirty Seconds” junk but actually a pretty decent Gene Kelly homage. I think Philipchbeeb was poorly done by the introduction piece, because that “oh shit” jump (and it was definitely an “oh shit” jump) gets a little less impressive when you take out the surprise value and just make it about whether or not he can do it. Philipchbeeb also danced this far more acceptably than the judges gave him credit for doing; certainly he wasn’t as fluid as the jazzy style demands, but he adapted to this much better than anybody except Brandon and Jeanette did to hip-hop so far. Jeanine was excellent and I have no complaints, other than to point out that she did not look like “Betty Grable” but rather Bettie Page.
Bottom three predictions: Karla and Jonathan, Asuka and Vitolio, Caitlyn and Jason.
Should go home: Caitlyn and Jonathan.
Will go home: Karla and Jonathan.
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Ugh. Toni Basil and her ridiculous 3-D beret.
I disagree with you on the Mia Michaels Evan and Randi number. I’m with Nigel, it clearly had a dirty old man vibe from it, and that’s what made it charming. And I’m a feminist. And fuck, did Evan and Randi ever own it. They may be short, but they’re my favourite duo.
Asuka’s extensions were TRAGIC.
But Jonathan brought new levels of shame to SYTYCD. That was horrendous dancing.
Janette and Brandon were great. I love her energy, she always looks like she’s having fun.
Caitlyn: continually not impressing me, but not pissing me off like usual.
And what’s the deal with the Chbeeb hate? I thought he really hit it tonight! He must be annihilating the voting system or else Nigel wouldn’t keep saying anything.
Nigel pretty much came out in his Philipchbeeb commentary and said “they” (the show? the judges? vengeful spirits?) don’t like it when one dancer is clearly owning the voting regardless of how they actually perform on the show. So look for a rough ride for P-to-the-C-to-the-Beeb to try and deflate someone who is clearly “rocking the vote”.
I don’t need to point out that this is rediculously disengenuous as the format of all reality shows, and SYTYCD specifically are based around developing, literalally, cults of personality. Otherwise the setpiece bumpers would be about actual dance technique (and how to evaluate it) not “Evan likes cars”.
I don’t think it’s coincidence I’ve learned more about the mechanics of dance from one season of Triple Sensation (which has no public voting, younger contestants, and centers around the contestants taking classes to improve as much as possible in a set period of time) than I have in several of various SYTYCD iterations.
I’m not saying either approach has more value, I enjoy both, but they’re clearly very different shows about very different things.
Can’t agree on the Asuka and Vitolio hate. Well, I can agree it wasn’t danced very well, but I’ve got a gut feeling that a corner was turned given how absolutely brutal I’ve thought they’ve been to date. Especially with Vitoli, he just looked more comfortable on camera than I recall seeing him ever. I suspect they’re safe until next week which will really be the make-or-break litmus test to see if they can continue the upward trend.
Now see, I thought Vitolio was overcompensating like a madman during the critiques.
Brandon was motherloving MURDER. I could be wrong, but I believe he’s got some hip hop under his belt. In any case, MURDER.
I actually hope Chbeeb falls into the bottom 3 — I want to see his solo!
Also, as I am a spelling Nazi, it’s Caitlin… unless you wacky Canucks are following the Queen’s English.
Janette: “If I wasn’t a dancer, I’d get my mother fucking teeth fixed and win America’s Next Top Model! As long as I’m on TV…”
I would rather have this episode’s Toni Basil than last week’s Lil C.
Jonathan and Karla totally ate it. Mostly Jonathan. Primarily because he had an out—Nigel asked if he was nervous and he said no. Dumbest answer ever. Asuka and Vitolio weren’t any kind of abortion of dance, but I don’t have high hopes. I would have my money on Asuka going home. We saw that the best ballroom solos can (and will) get the boot. And she’s not providing a fantastic ballroom solo. If you were wondering if Melissa is RIPPED AS FUCK, you would not be wondering now. “If I wasn’t a dancer, I’d be ripping phonebooks in half for audiences.” That rumba was good. I didn’t like the choreography so much, but the dancing was solid. Melissa was a little too upright—she didn’t throw herself all the way in. There should have been some simulated boot knockin’, but Melissa was standoffish. And looked super pale in that copper dress. Curse you, LeNique! Janette and Brandon were as good as they’ve been the past few weeks. Which is to say: CRAZY GOOD. I could watch that a dozen times and still find new little things. Kayla and Kupono are perfectly suited for each other if the only criteria is height. Beyond that, not ”amazing.” Kayla was good. Kupono didn’t dance to the entire room but he also wasn’t entirely there for Kayla. He wasn’t romantic, but he wasn’t big and striking to watch. But the steps were fine, more or less. I hate Randi and Evan. They are so irritating to me. But goddamn, I really loved this routine. It was so wonderfully fun and sexy and cute. And they were perfect. Fucking hell. Caitlyn and Jason were very soft and very frantic. You could see every single count and every single misstep. You could feel all 90 seconds explicitly. All the while, the styling was terrible. Jason’s cape was beyond poorly fitting; he could have lost a nipple. Caitlyn’s hair was stupid. Hard to watch. Philip and Jeanine weren’t bad but they weren’t anything spectacular. I enjoyed watching it but I’m not going to think of it ever again. Philip is this season’s Twitch–he’ll go really far but won’t be that amazing.
Voting this week was so much easier—I know better who will go the long haul and will eat it soon. I do kind of wish that the voting was against people. “If you can’t stand Karla and Jonathan, call 1888TEMPO-01.” Though, Cat Deeley would have not part in that. But she’s always got 20Q to fall back on.
They—and by “they” I mean Nigel and Mary—need to stop making proclamations. Jason’s solo was not the best solo ever. That contemporary routine (sorry Stacey) wasn’t the best ever. Every time they say “ever” I’m stomping on a kitten. Or maybe just a marshmallow Peep. Still.
So, why were Caitlyn and Jason dressed like characters from Barsoom, and why didn’t he have the requisite two swords and pistol?
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Oh, me and my ladies like to play a game where we establish who’s gay from their little personality vignettes.
Evan: “I want to fix hot cars!” STRAIGHT
Jonathan: “I like to play sports, guys!” INSISTS HE’S STRAIGHT
Kupono: “I’d be a fashion designer!” GAY
Phillipchbeeb: “Robots beep boop beep bowwww!” SO PAINFULLY STRAIGHT
I guess I would have noticed Melissa’s crabby hands if I could have taken my eyes off her everything else. She got the pick of the costume folks this week for sure.
Didn’t Janette get cut in Vegas last season? You wouldn’t know it from her performance this season. Or is she just getting the sweet numbers? I don’t know but they really seem like the couple to beat now.
I’m pretty much with you on all of these this week. I still have yet to see a routine that has made me really cheer for someone, though. It is a damned shame too, since I like some of these people but nothing has the crispness (for lack of a better word) that I’ve been looking for.
Personally, I think Evan is downright magnetic–he was born in the wrong decade, because fifty years ago he would be raking in the dough doing musicals with Gene Kelly. (And speaking of which…sorry, but it is downright cruel to make someone dance to a song that Gene Kelly and Donald O’Connor danced iconically fucking well to. No matter how good P&J did, they’re going to look like pale imitations of two of the legendary song and dance men of the business.)