Keenly aware as I am of the latest trends in the fascinating and frustrating world of political discourse in the United States, it’s dawned on me over the last week or two that I’m surrounded on all sides by Nazis. Once you had to be a real asshole to be considered a Nazi. Now apparently trying to ensure tens of millions aren’t bankrupted when they get the flu qualifies one for hatred and vilification. Fortunately, I’m all for hating and vilifying. So below you’ll find some newly minted (by me) Nazis, helpfully separated into three general categories.
These are the modern American version of Nazis, mind you, which is to say, people of all colours, creeds, genders, political and/or religious affiliation who have pissed, are pissing, or I deem likely to piss, me off. And people I don’t like. And people I just think it’d be funny to accuse of being Nazis1.
DIRTY NAZIS
Jennifer Corbett (my eleventh grade crush.)
Your mouth said, “Stop climbing the tree in my yard so you can watch me undress, you disgusting little creep” but I know what you were really meant: “You’re just not Aryan enough for me.” Go take a crap on Der Fuhrer’s back, you Eva Braunnabe tease.
The Irish.
Bunch of potato-eating schnitzel-suckers make me want to puke with their lucky charms and arbitrarily pernicious divorce laws.
John Montagu, fourth Earl of Sandwich.
I’ve got your kampf right here, Sandvich.
Food processors.
They slices, they dice, they siegs and they heil like the miserable krauts they are.
Trig Palin.
The apfel doesn’t fall far from the baum, Jerry.
People who post photos of their pets on blogs.
Not just daschunds either. Any dogs.
John F. Kennedy.
“Ich bin ein [eugenics-supporting Nazi].”
STINKING NAZIS
The Bassist from Hootie and the Blowfish.
He knows what he did.
Former Bill Clinton Secretary of Labour Robert Reich.
Robert Thousand Year Reich, I think you mean.
My tenth grade English teacher.
A “C”? Get lost in the forest and die horribly, Gretel.
Tyrese Gibson’s MAYHEM!.
Your taste for lederhosen speaks for itself, but if it didn’t your attitude towards “haters” isn’t exactly subtle.
Anyone who uses the phrase “Support the troops” as an argument supporting unnecessary and quite possibly illegal military actions that put the troops at risk.
Take a long goose-stepping march off a short cliff, you Amerika Uber Alles vermin.
The Troops.
Bunch of jackbooted thugs.
DIRTY STINKING NAZIS
Bankers.
Bunch of overpaid jackbooted thugs.
Jesus “H. stands for Hitler” Christ.
Dying so everyone would have an excuse to hate the Jews? Verrrry clever, Herr Christ. But the whole “people who don’t agree with me burning in the lake of fire for all eternity” thing is a bit of a giveaway.
The cast of Two and A Half Men.
You aren’t funny.
The girl who rear-ended my car in ’97.
The hun blitzkrieg’d my spine!
Tom Selleck’s Mustache.
Magnum PI? Try Magnum SS.
NOT NAZIS (“NOTZIS”)
Mum.
Data (My Dog.)
Wildstorm Comics Editor Scott Peterson.
Nazis.
Let’s face it, the word’s so watered down by this point that it’s lost any kind of ability to inspire the revulsion and horror appropriate when considering the monstrous acts committed in service to actual, not-just-cuz-I-say-so, honest-to-god nazi principles. A new term is needed for vile, cowardly, fascist dicks. Personally, I call them “Cheneys.”
-Foley
- Baseless Ad Hominem Attacks: They’re fun for the whole family! [↩]
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32 users responded in this post
Well, this is the most entertaining desperate plea for negative attention that I’ve seen in a good, long time.
First I thought, Trig Palin has a cleft palate? Then I thought, holy shit, he just put a Hitler mustache on Trig Palin.
I can not wait to see this discussed about for next 2 weeks on Faux News,
I’ve been paraphrasing Andy Warhol. In the future, everyone will be Adolf Hitler for 15 minutes.
The Troopes, people who say Support the Troops, and bankers are pretty close…
Remus: As long as the desperate plea is entertaining, I’m good.
Solid Snake: That notion (highly unlikely though it is) almost makes me wish I got Fox News. Wait, no it doesn’t…
Ken J: Nice one. I may have to use that line in the coming weeks as I try and fail miserably to convince certain members of my family I’m not a complete, unmitigated asshole.
I’m pretty sure there actually were Irish Nazis during and prior to WW2…
I am usually with you, you magnificent Nazi hating bastard but I will be damned if I will let you say ONE bad word about John Montagu, fourth Earl of Sandwich. The boy put meat between two pieces of bread for the first time and gave it a name? Only the second greatest human achievement since landing on the moon (and you can bet both of them were dying for a blt the second they landed). Next time think before you write. God DAMN!
Er, Hopefully the non-listing of Rex under “NOT-Nazi” was merely an oversight. :O
Mock my personal Lord and savior Jesus Horatio Christ all you want, but do not disparage the good name of Thomas Magnum, you rapscallion.
Support the Tropes!
:p
How long before you produce a list of nazi-terrorists?
Wow,too complicated!
Q: Are they not ze super-men?
A: Super-DUPER super-men!
The word’s watered down? Not in Europe buddy.
That’s because they don’t let you guys use it as much. Here in America, we describe everyone as Nazis, up to and including members of the Israeli military!
@John Seavey: Is that because that was the last War where the US had a clean win?
I’m just saying, I doubt your average American would take kindly to the rest of the world making offhand references to 9/11.
“Eva Braunnabe” was good, but I hope the part about the Troops being Nazis was one of the funny ones.
The Trig Palin item is uncool. Seriously. Kid has enough problems, he didn’t choose his parents.
Hannah: Touche. The European perspective doesn’t receive a lot of attention on CNN, whose coverage of the current American health care “debate” was the primary inspiration for my post. Your point is well taken, though. I’m glad the idea of nazism still means what it should mean in other parts of the world. In my part… not so much. Hence the post.
Paul Wilson: “I doubt your average American would take kindly to the rest of the world making offhand references to 9/11.”
I’ve done that too, actually. And you’re right, it was not well-received.
Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, Andrew. At least it’s an ethos.
Okay, now that I got the obligatory Lebowski reference out of my system… I kind of get why conservative pundits call anybody they don’t like Nazis. But it seems incredibly lame when they try to stick President Obama with that label. Here we’ve got a mixed race guy who is all about religious tolerance (to a degree that offends people at Fox, actually) and racial tolerance, apologizing to other countries for stuff Dubya did and trying to improve our relationships with the rest of the world. There’s also the whole “we don’t torture” thing. Hitler would have hated him on general principle.
What do they have in common? It’s like Bill O’Reilly or somebody snapped one day and said, “You know who else used to talk about health care a lot? Hitler.”
If you’re going to make those kinds of leaps, you might as well just go ahead and compare Biden to Mussolini because he likes riding trains.
Dumas: In fairness (it’s never too late to start?), misuse of the term isn’t restricted to the radical conservative end of the political spectrum. In fact, until the current brouhaha, I’d probably have considered it a tactic employed most often by those on the left. I know both Bushes and Reagan faced the accusation when they were in power; I’d be surprised if Clinton didn’t get it too (I don’t personally recall it happening then, probably because I was drunk out of my skull for pretty much his entire term.)
Back in late 2000/early 2001, I was a member of The Well. I was a brash and often idiotic 23 year old (which may be redundant) and made good use of my account (if by “good” we can mostly mean “frequent”), and one of the most amazing aspects of the experience (there were many. It was where I first corresponded with Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Patrick Nielsen Hayden, and Jonathan Carroll) was when the very same Mike Godwin, who postulated Godwin’s Law that every Internet argument eventually devolves into an accusation of Nazism or invocation of Hitler, satirized my idiotic arse.
It’s interesting to see that social media and connection have not rendered Godwin’s law obsolete but rather sped its evolution by removing its Internet context.
What always gets me is when in the same sentence someone will call someone else a Nazi and a Communist. Because other then the fact that the Russians and the Germans fought each other in the second World War, the basic tenets of the systems are completely opposed to each other.
Dumas: The relevant portion of the quote is “at least it’s a fucking ethos,” in opposition to “fucking nihilists.” I think you knew this, just clarifying for others, especially in hopes that they’ll watch the film.
This utterly failed to be entertaining. Rather than parody those who have Godwin’d themselves and pretty much automatically discredited themselves, you have simply made yourself seem tasteless in the extreme and willing to take the cheapest shots open to you for a theoretical laugh.
Congratulations, you’re a teen grossout comedy sketch gone wrong.
I also went wrong. The internet failed me again, though the DVD did not.
Note to Bill Reed: Thomas Magnum’s name is in the clear! It is only his sentient, unterseeboot commandering moustache that is at fault.
But without the ‘stache, he’s just some schmuck.
Kyle W.: I have seen The Big Lebowski about seventy times. Personally, I thought the line still worked without writing a foot note about Walter Sobchak and how he feels about nihilists with pet marmots and nine-toed girlfriends.
I was about to accuse you of being out of your element until I saw the follow up post. 🙂
Indeed, everyone should watch The Big Lebowski at least twice.
Mister Foley: Totally. People on the left have been calling right wingers of all stripes (and/or people who were just jerks) fascists since at least the Sixties.
People on Fox News stealing that one from the liberals they love to bash seriously weirds me out. It fits in general with the way they’ve been total hypocrites and started doing everything they used to pick on people on the left for as soon as Obama got elected. But even they have to know it just makes them look stupid.
I think Glenn Beck has actually used that thing about Hitler and health care a few times on his TV show. But that’s a slippery slope.
Sure, you can find footage of Hitler talking about health care. But you can find more clips of Hitler talking about family values, national pride, Germany’s horrible economy and lots of other things that sound eerily similar to the stuff Beck has been saying lately. Especially his 9/12 movement stuff.
Glenn Beck sounds way more like a Nazi than anybody from the Obama administration.
Dumas: In case you haven’t already seen it, there’s some nice takes on the whole “You know who else talked about ____?” smear here: http://obamaisliterallyhitler.tumblr.com/