DistantFred: What did you do before you were a law student?
I wandered the backwoods of Saskatchewan, preying on wild game and howling at the moon.
No, wait. Not that.
John Pontoon: You should write about your fantasy baseball league that you started and then ignored because you picked a crap team. The league that I won. I demand credit for this irrelevant accomplishment.
(to the tune of the “Warner Brothers theme”)
HOORAY FOR JOHN PONTOON
HE ISN’T A RACCOON
HE EATS FRENCH FRIES
KNOWS BASEBALL GUYS
AND SITS IN A LAGOON! HEY!
Dystel: What kind of Pie is best?
For eating main-dish, shepherd’s pie. For eating for dessert, strawberry rhubarb pie. For eating main-dish when all you have is dessert pies, sweet potato pie. For taking into battle against evil cyborg armies, Gauss-cannon pie with chocolate frosting. For defeating a third-tier supervillain, Hostess snack pie. For negotiating with a ninja, pear gelee pie. For bribing a third world official, apple pie with crumble topping (not pastry topping – that would be an insult). For calculating the value of pi, a bowl of lemon meringue with no crust. For winning an election in France, raspberry-blueberry pie with clotted cream on top. For defeating a shark, peach pie. For defeating a cyber-shark, pecan pie. For defeating a cyber-were-shark, cheddar cheese pie. And for defeating a vampire cyber-mecha-were-shark, Godzilla pie, made with freshest Godzilla.
lance lunchmeat: Ever check out Sonic the Hedgehog comics?
I would but they go by too fast! HEY-OHHHHHH!
Cookie McCool: Baking recipes and kittens?
JELLY TOTS
6 tbsp softened unsalted butter
2 tbsp vegetable shortening or lard
1 cup unbleached flour
1/4 cup light brown sugar (packed)
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp salt
1 egg
ground nuts of some sort as per preference
fruity jam as per preference
Cream together butter and shortening with sugar. Separate the egg, add the yolk and the vanilla to the mix. Add the flour and salt. Roll the resulting dough into 1-inch balls. Whisk the egg white in a bowl until it’s a foam. Dip the balls in the egg, then roll them through the crushed nuts. Bake at 350F for three minutes. Take them out. With your thumb, squish an indentation in each ball so it lays flat and has a sort of mini-bowl in it. Bake for another 7=8 minutes or until they’re lightly browned. Spoon jam into the mini-bowls of the cookies. Wait as long as is humanly possible to eat. (My record is five minutes.)
JQ_NW_American: How’d you meet your wife?
It’s a long story involving her only existing as such in potentiality and all. I suppose this means I get to pick, though! So I will say “while dodging the meteors whose strikes upon the earth signalled the return of magic to the world and the New Age Of Humanity.”
Also I get to be the king.
Edgar Allan Poe: I want some serious talk about Daredevil.
DAREDEVIL RAPED YOUR MOM.
Fifthsurprise: What is your zombie plan?
1.) Realize zombies are fictional
2.) Eat cake
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26 users responded in this post
MGK, you let me down! What kind of pie is best for eating main-dish? The answer is not shepherd’s pie! It’s tourtière!
It is a French-Canadian dish, dear, he might not know its goodness.
Also, I suspect your abiding love and preference for tourtière over shepherd’s pie is that the former contains none of the vegetables you hate (which is all of them ever).
Ahem. Proper tourtière has potatoes in it. That’s a vegetable last I checked.
THANK YOU for not making another zombie joke. (But you lose points for the LOLcat.)
Also, I can’t remember the Warner Brothers theme and as a result, I heard your song to the tune of The Flinstones.
BlackBloc: nutritionally speaking, they’re a starch, but YES! Stand with me, brother! Solidarity!
Besides, shepherd’s pie can hardly be called a pie when half the time it doesn’t have a crust. You can’t make pie with Schrödinger’s crust!
BlackBloc: not the way my family makes it. The potatoes are mashed and served on the side.
Burke: I don’t make pie with Schrödinger’s crust! I make it with a crust on the bottom, which makes it a pie. You don’t need a crust on the top to qualify, or else we’d have to discount your beloved pumpkin.
Zombie plan is a cheat. You were ALREADY eating cake.
Aisling: I seem to remember us having a shepherd’s pie sans crust.
Dad must have made that one. If I make a pie, there’s a crust.
And if I make a shepherd’s casserole without a crust, at least I call it by what it is! (And it is delicious either way so why are you complaining?)
Rape joke. Classy.
Rape jokes: never funny.
SmR, a kitten was specifally requested, so SUCK IT. Mom always liked me best!
That wasn’t a rape joke, it was a comics joke. Comics always go to rape whenever they try to be grown up and/or serious (even sodding Alan Moore) and thus, they tend to fail.
(to the tune of the “Warner Brothers theme”)
I think you mean ‘to the tune of the “Whalers on the Moon” song’.
I always thought Hostess worked with all levels of super villain.
I mean, it worked on the Joker.
So… people with nut allergies are helpless against cyber sharks? Or is there some kind of nut-free alternative?
People with nut allergies are evolutionary dead weight who will bring the rest of us down when the robopocalypse and/or cephalopocalypse begin/s.
I now must resist the urge to stage a zombie attack on your home.
Aaaaaaaahhhhh. Satisfying.
But I’m not NOT a raccoon.
Isn’t the Warner Brothers Theme a song called “Merry-Go-Round Broke Down”? We’re talking about the Looney Tunes theme, right? These days Warner Bros. films play “As Time Goes By” over the logo during opening credits.
True enough, I suppose.
Cheating… or preparedness?
He’s got you there. It wouldn’t be much of a plan if he slacked on the follow through. My plan is to die in the mob panic at the sporting goods store, and spend my afterlife bitching that I never even got to see a zombie.
Zombie survival plans suck. It doesn’t matter how prepared you are, how much cake you have ready to eat at a moment’s notice, you still don’t have a chance if you need corrective lenses. NOBODY with glasses makes it out of a zombie movie alive.
If you do start reading them, 160 is a good place to start, and I recommend avoiding 75-159 altogether.
What Pie is Best?
1. Crush your pecans.
2. See the eggs whipped with butter.
3. Listen to the sizzling of the crust (til golden brown).
Best pie for team cameraderie, political satire, or repopulating the earth: cream pie.