Lesser Fan Theories

Everyone loves a good fan theory, right?

…um, right?

….can we just pretend they do, for the sake of my introductory spiel, here?

……..so some people on the Internet really love a good fan theory, while others are indifferent or unaware of them, and still others find them tedious and annoying. There are plenty of famous/infamous ones out there, like the Pixar Timeline, or Jar Jar Binks being Supreme Leader Snoke. But there are some fan theories out there that have gotten a little less traction. Let’s look at a few of them, shall we?

All of the extras in ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Independence Day’ are the same people, but the two stories don’t take place in the same fictional universe. They’re just crowds of gawkers who travel from one reality to another to watch crazy-ass shit happen.

Al Leong plays the exact same role in each of his movies, a wise and benevolent member of an alien species who has come to Earth to teach us universal peace and harmony. Unfortunately, they introduce themselves through their race’s traditional peaceful gesture of leaping into frame, brandishing weapons, and screaming loudly, and so are constantly gunned down by action heroes without a second thought.

‘Adventures in Babysitting’, ‘Home Alone’, ‘Mrs Doubtfire’, and the first two Harry Potter movies are all directed by Chris Columbus.

The peddler at the beginning of ‘Aladdin’ is really just making up the whole story to get you to buy his crappy merchandise, and Disney cut the scene at the end where ushers come into the audience pestering you to part with a little extra cash for some tchotchkes.

‘Highlander 2: The Quickening’ is a sequel to ‘Highlander’. (This is remarkably unpopular!)

John Cusack’s character in the disaster movie ‘2012’ is a time traveler, having come to 2012 from 1408 without having aged more than a few years.

All of the Marvel movies are linked in a variety of subtle ways, with characters such as Captain America, the Black Widow, Iron Man, Ant-Man, the Scarlet Witch, the Vision, Hawkeye, Thor, the Winter Soldier, and Nick Fury reprising their parts as “Easter Eggs” for the attentive viewer.

Soylent Green is actually made from people.

Will Smith pretty much plays the same part in every movie he ever did. (A similar fan theory exists regarding Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

Deckard is actually a telepath who can project his thoughts, but only in an unconvincing monotone.

’28 Days Later’ was originally written as a bleak, post-apocalyptic sequel to the film ’28 Days’, but after Sandra Bullock was recast as Cillian Murphy, they changed the character’s name.

Radagast the Brown was supposed to die in battle at the end of the third Hobbit movie and be reborn as Radagast the White, but Paul McGann was unavailable due to other filming commitments.

All of Pixar’s movies exist on my DVD shelf.

‘The Shining’ is really a movie about a hotel caretaker that goes insane and tries to kill his family.

‘The Abyss’, ‘Cyborg’, ‘Day of the Dead’, ‘Howard the Duck’, ‘Earth Girls Are Easy’, ‘Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome’, ‘Terminator’, ‘Real Genius’, ‘Night of the Comet’, ‘Short Circuit 2’, ‘Cocoon’, ‘Altered States’, ‘Back to the Future’, ‘Enemy Mine’, ‘Cherry 2000’, ‘Little Shop of Horrors’, ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ and ‘The Garbage Pail Kids Movie’ are all works of fiction created in the same decade and filmed for public consumption to varying degrees of critical and commercial success. And you can’t prove otherwise.

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