(See, this is why I’m irritated. Being dependent on internet to see this show means sometimes I am delayed.)

Your judges are Jason Coleman, Bonnie Lythgoe and Matt Lee.

Ilona and Nick: jazz. This was mediocre, and Jason saying “there wasn’t a lot of dancing for me to judge there” is pretty much a straight-up warning to the choreographers because this was essentially a lot of spastic walking around. Both Nick and Ilona threw themselves into their (bad) choreo, though, so there’s that much to say for this. Ilona was sloppier than Nick, who seemed to have a greater degree of control over his spasming: Matt correctly noted that Ilona’s hip-hop training should have translated better to this. Disappointing start.

Jessie Contemporary and Matt: contemporary. After the first routine I was all worried about this season, but hey this routine by Stephen Agisilaou was just really great. Matt was a bit shaky at points (Jason pointed out his getting tense when going into lifts, Matt Lee noted his foot extensions – I’ll add that at times he was slightly behind Jessie) but for a non-classically-trained dancer in the first week of competition he was really quite good and the complaints that can be made are quibbles at worst. Jessie was thoroughly excellent. Really, the only problem I have is that the judges on this show are so good and so consistently observant that sometimes I feel redundant.

Jess Hip-Hop and Doug: cha-cha. This was more a fusion of cha-cha and swing than pure cha-cha, to be honest. I think Matt and Bonnie – who liked it – were focusing on the first half, which was very tight and well danced. I think Jason – who thought it wasn’t that strong – was focusing on the second half, where it seemed like they were struggling with the choreography a bit and dancing just slightly behind the beat. First half was very good; second half was average at best. The other issue I have is that I don’t think Jess and Doug have very good chemistry together yet, which isn’t their fault per se (sometimes it’s just not there) but they’ll have to fake it to make it.

Renee and Felipe: hip-hop. Very, very good to see Jesse from season 2 get to choreo, since he probably got the weakest draw that season by getting paired with Max, the only dancer that season who really wasn’t on par with everybody else, which led to him getting a first-week boot that wasn’t indicative of his real talent. Felipe – working in his genre – was just impossibly smooth, his freezes dead sharp and partnering Renee superbly. Renee – not in her genre – went far beyond “contemporary dancer dancing hip-hop okayish with more capable partner” and were this my first time seeing her I would have pegged her for a hip-hop dancer, straight up. Excellent.

Grace and Will – oh, all right, “Will and Grace”: jazz. Second routine of the night where I felt it started out really, really strong and then they got stressed halfway through: Matt said it really went south with the second lift, but I would mark it earlier at the crossing pirouette trails (you can see Grace’s steps getting visibly hesitant and nervous, and Will starts doing it too after a few seconds). I think if they had really sold the second half this would have been great. As it was, average.

Mikhaela and Robbie: rumba. I actually think the judges were a little harsher than was deserved here; Robbie and Mikhaela did quite a credible rumba, all things considered, and compensated for the fact that Robbie is shorter than Mikhaela quite well overall. (There was perhaps a bit of hesitancy when she went for the running leap into Robbie’s arms, but beyond that, fine.) Not a perfect ten, by any means, but the judges going on about the rumba not being lustful enough made it sound like they wanted to see a tango instead – rumba is passionate, but not dirty per se. At least, that’s how I see it.

Carly and Kieran: contemporary. Really excellent choreography from Sarah Boulter. There’s not much to say beyond that this was really, really good: Kieran obviously wasn’t as strong a dancer as Carly (whose lines were amazing) but he’s arguably a better performer than she is, never dropping character even in the lifts. Kieran was one of the dancers I wasn’t sure about going into top 20 and he’s just completely sold me – the nervousness is all gone. Fucking great, routine of the night, and so forth. (Sadly, Youtube is blocking videos of this one due to music rights issues.)

Jessica Ballroom and Heath: jazz. Marko Panzic! Awesome. (Marko choreo’d one of my favorite routines from last season, the Pania/Ben “crazies” routine.) This was okay choreo danced near-perfectly. There’s no technical complaints I can make about Heath’s dancing at all – he was simply dead-on in every possible respect – and I’m not nearly good enough an eye to find fault in Jessica’s dancing either, even though she’s a Latin dancer working out of genre. It didn’t dazzle me – a little too basic an idea behind the steps to do that – but it was just great fucking dancing.

Ivy and Gaz: paso doble. I liked the idea of a “gladiator” paso, but I think the judges were probably a bit too nice given that both dancers were out of genre and injured “so let’s not be MEAN.” I thought Gaz started out the routine substituting stiffness for bravado, although he loosened up as the routine went on. Ivy, in comparison, absolutely owned her character – although I saw her bobble a couple of handholds, I thought her presence was great. Unfortunately, fucking up that last lift will, I think, haunt them in the voting.

Issi and Don: hip-hop. Percentage of shock that Don got the pimp spot: zero. I thought this was okay. Not great. Okay. I think Issi was ahead of the beat for a portion of the routine and their chemistry is still questionable, but I don’t think they’ll hit bottom three – yet. But if they don’t improve beyond this, they won’t make top ten either. (And also, why is Jet Verne choreographing again? Her routines were uninspiring in the first season and thankfully not present in the second. And why is she choreographing hip-hop all of a sudden? Yeesh.)

Bottom three: Ilona and Nick, Will and Grace, Ivy and Gaz.
Should go home: Ilona and Gaz.
Will go home: Ivy and Gaz.
(And then, watching the results show, it turns out to be: bottom three Matt/Jessie, Will/Grace, and Ilona/Nick with Will and Ilona going home.)

I’m still on the fence as to whether I’ll bother doing SYTYCD Australia episode reviews for the blog, partially because I can’t guarantee they’ll all be timely and partially because the vast majority of my reading audience doesn’t have easy access to the program. (I might be able to mollify that somewhat if Youtube is convenient enough, though.)

Regardless, the Aussies put on their “performance show prior to actual competition” episode this past week, copying what the American show did in season six – a non-voting episode where everybody dances in their genre, so as to “even the playing field” and make it harder for the audience to play favourites with the dancers who got more airtime during auditions. I thought it was a good idea when the Americans did it and I think it’s a good idea now.

As to the quality of the third season’s top 20? Obviously it’s still too early to say, but my hunch is that it’s not going to quite equal the second season. The performance show’s routines were, for the most part, quite solid (the big exceptions for me were the Ivy/Doug Broadway, which I thought was something of a mess, and the Renee/Carlie/Mikhaela pop/jazz, which was just boring choreography combined with horrible costumes), but I’m not sure about a lot of the dancers, especially the boys. Kieran, Robbie and Nick all look like they’re twelve, and Kieran in particular just looks nervous all the time and the others dance very “young.” Issi reminds me of US S6’s Mollee much more than I’d like. Heath seems very inwardly focused, almost too much so, and I’m not sure how sharp Felipe is.

(Also, Australia needs to be put on notice for having three dancers named Jessica in the top 20. The workaround of calling them “Jessica,” “Jessie” and “Jess” is not really un-confusing.)

But the potential exists to prove me wrong on every one of those counts, and the performance show delivered at least one shit-hot routine: the top 10 boys’ performance, choreographed by none other than head judge Jason Coleman. (The girls’ routine, choreo’d by Matt Lee, was also very good, but not quite on par with this.)

That instantly jumps onto my “best group routines of all time” list – it’s clever, unique and works with each dancer’s strengths very fluidly, and they all deliver (even poor terrified-looking Kieran). It’s immediately obvious that some of the dancers are more inherently performers than others, but then again that’s the reasoning behind a no-vote episode: get them used to working on this scale.

So, on the whole, I’m optimistic.

I’ve given a fair bit of thought as to what makes So You Think You Can Dance Australia so much better than its other English-speaking cousins – it’s easily better than any of them, which is somewhat quizzical given that of all the English SYTYCDs it takes place in the country with the smallest population. But it’s definitely better than the Canadian version, easily better than the American and the less said about the dreadful British show1 the better.2

I could muster the cynical answer, which is that the Aussie version, by dint of geography, is less contaminated by the flaws of the American show than most others.3 There are of course the audiovisual aspects to it: the editing and pacing on the Australian show is just heads above any of the others to an extent that’s so glaring that the show really has its own visual language unlike any of the other franchises, and one that’s engaging to the watcher.

Perhaps it’s cultural – a relatively small country where competitive dance has flourished more than one would expect, with amateur dance following in its wake, might generate a better show. Certainly the egalitarian nature of the show helps refine all styles – although the judges stress that classical dance training helps to round out a dancer’s skills, there’s never that ever-present patronization towards hip-hop that’s unfortunately become a characteristic of the American show. Watching Jason Coleman comment to a B-boy on the first audition episode that his air-flares, while athletic, had mediocre form is something that almost never happens on the American show, where “dancing on your head” is treated like something kids do on monkey-bars at the gym rather than its own high-impact and high-difficulty skillset.

Of course, Coleman, Lythgoe and Matt Lee deserve some portion of the credit for making this version of the show the best, because the three of them have clearly decided that they would rather be mentors than celebrities and they act accordingly.4 Constructive criticism is the rule rather than the exception on this show: returning dancers are quizzed as to what they’ve been doing the past year to improve and eliminated dancers advised in detail as to what they need to do to better themselves. And they never – ever – play favourites, as was evident as of the second episode when Forever was knocked out after a horrible tryout and Don (of Bohemian Rhapsody b-boying fame) was told straight-up that without demonstrated improvement outside of his genre he wouldn’t even advance to the top 100, let alone top twenty.5

And credit needs to equally be given out to Australia’s young dancers – and old dancers, given that the cutoff age for this show is 35, higher than anywhere else,6 and this year an awesome 35-year-old female hip-hop dancer auditioned and kicked ass – for constantly seeking to be the best. The judges have set a high bar, but without the active cooperation of the dancers that bar is meaningless; over and over again in auditions you hear from dancers how they spent the previous year going to classes, training outside of their genre, doing whatever they could to improve.

That relentless drive to be better permeates this show like nothing else, and it’s what makes this show the best competitive-talent reality show anywhere in the world, bar none. It’s why, from the very first audition of the third season, you know you’re in for a treat:

I’m not sure what I like about that clip the most: the audacity of a pop-and-locker dancing to Vanessa Carlton (of all things), or him busting out a flying somersault leap just to show he can, or Lythgoe getting involved enough to mouth along with the song, or Coleman visibly pleased with the audition and his comment to that effect. But it all comes together to demonstrate a collective aspiration to excellence, and you got to give props to that.

I’m looking forward to this season greatly.

1. In the first two weeks of performance, I’ve seen exactly one routine that I could straight-up call “good.” [↩]
2. And come to think, why can England – a country with more people in it than Australia and Canada combined – only manage a weak top 14 as opposed to its colonies’ top twenties? [↩]
3. Especially since Bonnie Lythgoe divorced Nigel. [↩]
4. Not that they aren’t celebrities now, of course, but there’s a difference between being famous for being awesome and being famous because you spent a long time working on your catchphrases. [↩]
5. Which he of course then did, because Don is awesome. [↩]
6. Which means that, were I so inclined and had the money, I could go to Australia, get a work visa and just train for a year and audition. Sadly, this will not happen. Mostly because I’m not good enough. And not rich. And did I mention not good enough? [↩]

By my count there were 299 pairs dances amongst the second seasons of the Canadian and Australian So You Think You Can Dance plus the fifth and sixth seasons of the American version. (I also saw a good chunk of So You Think You Can Dance Netherlands, but nothing from it was going to make any top-whatever list, frankly.) With the British version finally starting up in 2010, there will be four seasons of this show airing in English-speaking countries every year minimum until the whole shebang goes under, which hopefully is a long way away, even if Nigel Lythgoe is terminally irritating.

So here are the best twenty dances from this year’s four seasons of English-speaking SYTYCD.

But… before we begin, an honorable mention for my favourite routine of the year, which was Lamb and Timomatic’s cha-cha from week 2 of the Australian show. I can’t in good faith rank it amongst the best of the year, for a bunch of reasons: Timomatic’s Latin moves are inconsistent at best, the choreo is more a melange of cha-cha, samba and salsa than it is a straight cha-cha, and they bobble a few points (there’s a pretty obvious handhold search early on, for example). But I still really like this one more than any of the others despite technical issues, mostly because it’s got a clever, vivacious spirit to it that I appreciate.

Oh, and I might as well throw in Don’s dance-for-your-life solo from the Aussie winnowing week because who knows when I’ll have an excuse to post it.

All right! Onto the list proper.

continue reading "The Best of So You Think You Can Dance 2009"

The fall season, which started out hobbled by baseball pre-emptions preventing voting, limps to a close with a six-person finale! No group dances! No single-gender pairings! That’s not “sweeps.”

Kathryn and Ryan: samba. Two weeks where Kathryn and Ryan get a Jason Gilkison ballroom number, two weeks where they absolutely nail it to the wall. This one was arguably even better than their cha cha last week, which up until this point was probably the best ballroom number of the entire season – but this killed. On every possible level. Kathryn should simply not be this good at ballroom, but she was, completely. Ryan was as predictably excellent as one could expect. An exceptional opener to the finale.

Ellenore and Jakob: Broadway. A perfectly acceptable Broadway by Tasty (who’s had a really strong season overall). There is not much else to say here other than that it was good and they were good. Not superbly excellent and it wasn’t anywhere close to routine of the night, mind. But it was good enough not to offend.

Ashleigh and Russell: contemporary. Well danced by both of them; Sonya really put together a decent little number here, and I’m glad she’s moved away from the rut she seemed to be in for most of season five. Nigel remarks that Ashleigh disappeared into the background, which A) isn’t true and B) isn’t her fault considering the routine focused on Russell (who will likely win the season despite not really having had a single truly balls-out great routine, which saddens me), but hey, it’s perfecly understandable because Ashleigh took away the spot Mollee deserved in Nigel’s mind, so what can you expect. Shut up, Nigel.

Ellenore and Ryan: jazz. Yeah, this wasn’t really even close to being jazz: this was straight-up Australian Dance Theatre ultra-mod contemporary, but given that the show basically treats jazz and contemporary as being interchangeable labels, whatever. I am a huge fan of Garry Stewart’s choreo – it’s just so fucking cool – but I have to admit that the performance here was not quite perfect: there were one or two moments where the synched movements were not quite synched, and in this routine they became just so noticeable. That having said, this is a minor quibble for what was otherwise a very strong performance by both dancers and a good partnership.

Ashleigh and Jakob: foxtrot. Jakob was genuinely not that great in this foxtrot; lukewarm top 12 fodder at most, and he’s been better in most of his ballroom performances by half. Ashleigh was very strong, which is not surprising. Nigel comments that choreographers keep giving Jakob jetes, which REALLY WHAT FUCKING SEASON HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING NIGEL LYTHGOE.

Ellenore and Russell: paso doble. Dear Russell: do not grin ever during a paso. Yeesh. Anyway, Russell’s performance in this was mostly a triumph of character over technique; his footwork was occasionally clumsy and his turns a bit stiff to say the least, but once he stopped grinning he really got down into character. Ellenore, however, was far superior to Russell, but since Ellenore is allowed to talk about her training and Russell isn’t, she is officially Not Inspirational Material. Tough luck, Ellenore! Maybe next time you’ll have a dead sibling or something that makes you cry, rather than just being “the quirky one.” You got to plan these things.

Kathryn and Jakob: contemporary. One of the best performances on this show, ever. Desmond Richardson and Dwight Rhoden, on top of two Jason Gilkisons, a Jean-Marc and Sonya? They’re really bringing on the best choreographers right at the end. Anyway. Yes. Easily the best performance of the entire season, and although both dancers were flat-out excellent I think I have to give more credit to Kathryn than Jakob simply because her parts were less intuitively “contemporary.” Christ, this was a good fucking dance!

Ashleigh and Ryan: contemporary. So that makes two contemporary numbers, two “jazz” numbers, plus a jazzy Tasty bit of Broadway. GOSH I WONDER IF THERE IS AN INSTITUTIONAL BIAS ON THIS SHOW TOWARDS A PARTICULAR FORM OF DANCE! This dance was honestly kind of basic (sad truth: Ashleigh is probably the least technically able dancer ever to advance to a “finale” – even Twitch or Evan were much more advanced than she), but it made up for that by being genuinely lovely and sweet as Ashleigh and Ryan got to dance with one another. I would have preferred to see them fucking rip up the floor with a salsa, but this was nice. Nigel “I Hate You For Taking Mollee’s Spot Ashleigh” Lythgoe comments that Ashleigh has better chemistry with Jakob than her husband, which is fucking retarded. Shut up, Nigel.

Kathryn and Russell: hip-hop. Nappytabs? Well, at least it wasn’t stupid-storyline Nappytabs but an attempt by them to straight-up kick it. I’m not sure how successful it was on that score – there were a couple of bits where the choreo just seemed to lag. But mostly it was very solid. (We will not comment on there being one hip-hop number out of nine fucking dances on the season finale. Well, other than just having done so.) Russell was completely on point through the entire routine and fucking murdered it. Kathryn fell slightly behind at two points, but I’m more inclined to blame that on the choreo rather than her dancing, because at all other moments of the dance she was just on. So really, this was quite good, although I would have preferred to see more Shane Sparks.

Final order should be: 1.) Kathryn 2.) Jakob 3.) Ellenore 4.) Russell 5.) Ryan 6.) Ashleigh
Final order will be: 1.) Russell 2.) Kathryn 3.) Jakob 4.) Ellenore 5.) Ryan 6.) Ashleigh

Hoo boy.

Kathryn and Ryan: disco and cha cha. Wow, Ryan really got lucky this week: a good partner and two dances firmly in his wheelhouse. The disco was fine; Ryan’s skill at partnering combined with Kathryn’s general skill period made for a perfectly good disco. Not a great one, but that’s more on Doriana Sanchez’ boring, boring choreography than any fault of the dancers involved.

The cha cha was fucking tremendous, as is to be expected when you take the aforementioned skill levels of Ryan and Kathryn and combine them with Jason MOTHERFUCKING Gilkison choreo. Seriously, Gilkison’s choreography can make even bad dancers look good, and Ryan and Kathryn were not bad in this: their technique and performance were simply just about perfect on all levels. One of the best dances of the season. (Which, given that this season has been mediocre compared to others, may be damning with faint praise, but whatever.)

Kathryn’s solo: Better than last week: more unique and heartfelt. This was a major step up for her.
Ryan’s solo: Standard ballroom cheddar.

Mollee and Jakob: Viennese waltz and Broadway. Speaking of Jason Gilkison making even bad dancers look good HEY EVERYBODY IT’S MOLLEE. Okay, in fairness, this waltz was probably the best she’s been all season. However, she was still pretty bad – the same unsteady feet (especially coming out of lifts), the same three pageant faces she always has, the same lack of anything resembling connection or chemistry. Managing to dance adequately at the top 20 level in the top 8 episode is not an accomplishment. Jakob, for his part, was fine, although he does that thing a lot of contemporary dancers do in ballroom where he was overstepping on his steps and exaggerating his rise and fall a little too much – but this is a minor quibble because Jakob, as we know, is quite good.

The Broadway was there. Jakob was good. Mollee was tolerable with a couple of fairly glaring mistakes (that final spinning arabesque was… not good). Shankman compares Mollee to Ann Reinking, which… no. Just no, okay? Jesus Christ, Shankman. I get that you love everybody but yeeeesh. Nigel says Mollee should go to Broadway, which – also no. However, Jakob as reminiscent of Joel Grey I can see.

Jakob’s solo: Technically brilliant, artistically meh. (He’s young, it’s to be expected.)
Mollee’s solo: Certainly it was an interesting artistic choice to try and give a “stripper” vibe for one’s solo. Good work there, Mollee.

Ellenore and Legacy: contemporary and hip hop. If you wanted proof that Travis Wall is still very hit-or-miss when it comes to choreography, this would definitely be evidence in the “miss” column: the entire routine felt off-beat and awkward, and Legacy’s B-boy tricks incorporated into the routine felt forced rather than organic (as Stacey Tookey managed to do in top 19 week). Ellenore and Legacy did well enough with what they were given, but they weren’t given anything really that great, and Legacy especially felt a bit desperate. Nigel talks about Emmy nominations because Nigel is an idiot.

I am beyond amazed that Nappytabs finally got called out for choreographing shitty hip-hop! It only took, like, a dozen bad routines! That having been said, I think the reason they finally got called out is because they dared to stray away from “boy meets girl” or “boy breaks up with girl,” which are Such Universal Truths that they always demand a judge tonguebath. Frankly, this wasn’t as bad as the terrible Evan/Randi routine they did for top 12 in season 5, or the mediocre routines they’ve been choreographing all this season. But it wasn’t good, to be sure, and Ellenore demonstrated once again that hip-hop is her Achilles’ heel. Legacy couldn’t carry the routine; he’s just not good enough to do that.

Ellenore’s solo: About as good as last week’s, which is to say: good and not boringly contemporary-traditional.
Legacy’s solo: Much weaker than last week’s tremendous solo and this was a bad week to do a bad solo.

Russell and Ashleigh some blond chick and some Bollywood dancer assistant: hip-hop and Bollywood. Russell had a really great week despite Ashleigh’s injury (and what a bad week for her to have one – I think she would have had a hell of a time with these two dances). Firstly, let me just say “thank you” to Shane Sparks for saying straight-up he wasn’t going to do any stupid lyrical hip-hop bullshit. Shane Sparks, you are awesome. Shane’s assistant was… very bad, and I get that she jumped in at the last moment but even so: wow, bad. Russell was excellent and there is nothing else to say here.

The Bollywood was likewise a triumph for Russell, although he was almost outshined by the Bollywood dancer assistant (which – holy shit! Seriously, that’s half a day’s notice?). My only complaint here is that Russell was a bit in perma-grin mode, but other than that it was very good: his execution and musicality were both superb.

Russell’s solo: “Interesting choice.”

Should go home: Mollee and Legacy.
Will go home: Ashleigh and Legacy.

Top ten week! New partnerships! No new judges! Mollee still inexplicably present!

Noelle and Ryan: hip-hop and smooth waltz. And once again, Tabitha and Napoleon choreograph what’s pretty blatantly a jazz routine, throw in a couple of chest-pumps and HEY IT’S HIP-HOP NOW. It not being hip-hop aside, both Ryan and Noelle danced this quite well. Noelle’s facial expressions were not so nearly over-the-top as they were previously, and Ryan hit his beats much better than he did for that L’il C hip-hop a couple of week ago. (Then again, this was, as I have said, not really hip-hop.) This was okay for top ten, but it made me miss Shane Sparks. This show needs a hip-hop choreographer who will properly beat the shit out of their dancers.

The waltz was really lovely with one exception: Noelle was back to total show-face. She has this incredibly insincere dance-face that she just seems to drop into all the time, and it’s not anything like her normal smile, and it is maddening because it’s this horrific “ahhhhh” face that almost always jars with her performance. (Compare to Kathryn’s facial expressions from last week during her waltz, which were so naturalistic one could not be blamed for thinking she and Legacy were really IN LURV.) However, Ryan’s technique was absolutely flawless in this and he had the bulk of the hard work, and other than her danceface Noelle carried her end of the load.

Noelle’s solo: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Ryan’s solo: Why didn’t he and Ashleigh just “solo” together?

Ashleigh and Legacy: contemporary and hip-hop. The contemporary – which was tremendous – reminded me of two moments from the first season of So You Think You Can Dance Australia. It reminded me of one routine Garry Stewart choreo’d for Demi and Jack, which was just as brutally tough and visibly difficult, and it reminded me of something Jason “Best SYTYCD Judge Ever” Coleman said of a Demi/Henry contemporary routine, where he astutely observed that Demi and Henry were both untrained dancers and that this meant that their tandem untrained leaps were perfectly in time with one another. I already thought Legacy could live up to this kind of pressure: I’m surprised that Ashleigh did as well as she did. I really liked this.

The hip-hop was one of Dave Scott’s more noticeable flops, choreography-wise, and the judges were right to criticize it. Of course, this had more dancing than a lot of the routines certain dancers got in past weeks (COUGH COUGH NATHAN AND MOLLEE COUGH COUGH WHEEZE), and any number of choreographers have bombed worse than Dave Scott did this time out, but Legacy and Ashleigh were probably supposed to be quick eliminations rather than lasting dancers (read: contemporary) so can you really blame the judges for taking this opportunity to push their agenda?

Ashleigh’s solo: Yeah, why didn’t she and Ryan just “solo” together? This would have been the perfect opportunity.
Legacy’s solo: Holy shit, that was fucking artistry right there. Goddamn. That was a tiny slice of brilliance.

Kathryn and Nathan: Broadway and rhumba. Hey, they split up Nathan and Mollee and gave them the most popular partners each of them could get! I am shocked. Cynicism aside, though, this was actually pretty goddamned great: Nathan finally entertained me for the first time all season (heck, finally convinced me he deserves to be on the show) and Kathryn was as good as she always is. And their chemistry was great, Nigel Doesn’t Know Fuck-All About Chemistry Lythgoe. Just because Kathryn is not blonde with big tits doesn’t mean she doesn’t connect to her partner.

The rhumba was… yeah. Technically okayish for Nathan, thoroughly decent for Kathryn (not her best performance but nonetheless a good one). But I was amazed when Nigel not only criticized Tony and Melanie for a boring routine, but also pointed out that Nathan had his lips pursed bizarrely through the entire routine, making it look like something out of an SNL sketch or something. Shankman (who loves everybody!) explains that Nathan is a “polarizing” dancer because he is “young” and “a bit out there.” No, Adam, Nathan is a polarizing dancer because he spent the first five weeks of the show dancing mostly badly and getting applause from you for it.

Kathryn’s solo: Perfectly acceptable contemporary solo, nothing new under the sun but nothing bad.
Nathan’s solo: Dynamic and exciting and frankly really impressive, and if he survives tonight it’s because of this solo.

Ellenore and Jakob: quickstep and jazz. I didn’t quite get the praise for the quickstep that the judges felt the need to heap on it. It was okay, sure, but there have been many better quicksteps and this one reeked of the boringness Tony and Melanie so often bring to their non-Latin choreo. Technically proficient, about as thrilling as mayonnaise. Jakob and Ellenore were both fine in this, although I didn’t get much chemistry from them: they both danced well and partnered well and Jakob especially seemed to not care whom he was paired with.

The jazz was fucking brilliant, even if once or twice it felt a bit Sonya-ish in a predictable way. Nuff said.

Ellenore’s solo: Distinctive and cool, albeit a bit sloppy in parts, but the ending was neat.
Jakob’s solo: Fantastic, but every choreographer uses everything he did in that solo, so it lacked novelty.

Mollee and Russell: jazz and jive. At some point Mandy Moore will escape the 80s and I will no longer have the opportunity to make fun of her for that, and I will be sad. Now that Mollee is paired with someone who can actually, like, lift her worth a damn, she looks a lot better all of a sudden, but the thing to watch here was Mollee’s total lack of performance: she was doing moves, nothing more than that. Good moves, to be sure, but moves, rather than dancing. Not that this stopped the judges from tonguebathing, or Nigel from once again pretending that Russell is some untrained caveman fucking stop that shit Lythgoe. (Russell was really quite good, both in technique and performance quality, but Jesus Christ am I sick of this shit.)

The jive was good choreo plus good dancing from Russell plus a log. Guess who the log was. Seriously, in a routine with a supposedly trained contemporary dancer and a krumper, who would you think would do a side aerial? It was Russell! But seriously: Mollee was stiff for good chunks of this routine and didn’t have nearly as much to do as her partner did. Nigel gets the biggest laugh of the night when he claims Mollee is a good “performer.” Whatever, Nigel.

Mollee’s solo: She’s usually given good solos if nothing else, but this was terrible: frenetic and desperate and sloppy.
Russell’s solo: Fucking tremendous. Seriously. Holy shit, that was a goddamned dominant solo. No better way to describe it than that.

Should go home: Mollee and Nathan.
Will go home: Ashleigh and Nathan.

Your hosts are the usual gang of idiots. No, not Bill Gaines and Al Jaffee. That might have been entertaining, though.

Ellenore and Ryan: Lindy hop and Broadway. Lindy hop hasn’t been on the American show since season 3 when Lacey and Neil struggled through it in the final. This was better than that was, but also had less of the frenetic energy Lindy hop should have (if it doesn’t look like a pair of squirrels on crack, it’s not proper Lindy hop in my book) – it seemed to be danced about 4/5ths speed, perhaps. Ellenore blew a couple of spots but not too badly. Ryan nailed it. This was Perfectly Acceptable Dancing for a top 12 episode and I am not offended nor disappointed.

The Broadway was honestly just excellent. Ellenore’s freezes as her “doll” character were uniformly perfect (and make me wonder why her one stab at hip-hop so far was so weak) and so obviously and intently difficult that I don’t think it would be possible to be unimpressed with her work in this. Ryan had the unenviable job of being Less Showy Partner, even with his perma-devil-sneer, and carried it off with flair and skill.

Kathryn and Legacy: jazz and Viennese waltz. Sonya needs to just stop explaining her routines because it is all “whatever” and her descriptions inevitably have nothing to do with the actual dancing. They could just record her saying “I got high last week on shrooms and this is what I dreamt” and play it before every single routine she choreos and that would be fine. Kathryn and Legacy danced this superbly and anybody complaining that Legacy got to show off some of his moves in the routine needs to shut up because I have lost count of the number of times a jazz or contemporary dancer has had the opportunity to do a jete or pirouette in a hip-hop routine for absolutely no good reason other than “they look good doing it.” Mary Murphy demonstrates that she knows absolutely dick about hip-hop by not knowing the name of a basic hand crabwalk. (It’s not some particularly etoseric B-boy move. It’s a friggin’ crabwalk.)

First off about the waltz: motherfuck can Jean-Marc crush it with the choreo or what? (The answer is “yes he can crush it.”) That was gorgeous, sweeping choreo that served to disguise a lot of Legacy’s mistakes – which, honestly, weren’t nearly so bad as half a dozen waltzes they’ve applauded. His footwork was occasionally clumsy, his rise-and-fall inconsistent – but in both these cases the knowledge was obviously there and it appears to only be a matter of requiring more practice rather than straight inability. Kathryn was just about perfect. And their chemistry was spot-on: I would put these two on par with Brandon and Jeanette from last season for chemistry as partners.

Karen and the VCTR-9000 Calibrated Dance Unit: tango and hip-hop. The judges praised Victor and Karen’s chemistry in the tango for reasons I don’t quite understand, on the basis that there was none. For the most part, Victor and Karen danced this superbly on a technical basis (Mary specifically praised the final promenade, and I though Victor was kicking up his knees far, far too much – but that’s a minor quibble), but this was the opposite of hot – this was so icy it was practically polar. Presumably Victor’s circuits extrapolated the most logical sequence by which one would dance a tango and stopped before somebody asked him “what – is – love” so he was able to continue.

LaurieAnn Gibson contributes a hip-hop routine, by which I mean something that was not even remotely hip-hop: not the music, not the moves, nothing. It was a jazz piece and the show’s continuing desperation to disguise the fact that they’ve alienated more than a few hip-hop dancers reached new heights. Karen and Victor danced this about as well as it could be danced, but it was weak choreo. Of course, the routine fulfilled its purpose, which was to provide an excuse to pitch Karen and her robot buddy should they hit bottom three, which they likely will. Because god forbid we boot Nathan and Mollee.

Mollee and Nathan: “hip-hop” and can-can. You know, every week I wonder if this is going to be the week Mollee and Nathan are not bad, and it never, ever happens. The hip-hop was about what you’d expect: dumbed down (given their repeatedly demonstrated inability to master choreo, this routine – like most of theirs – had a lot of basically standing around and jiggling) and more whitebread than High School Musical, and frankly that’s unfair to Zac Efron, given that he can actually hit a beat. All three judges admitted that this was basically bad, but still said straight-up that they loved them anyway because, whatever, it’s only a competitive reality show where people are supposed to be judged on quality and stuff.

The cancan was actually a really fun bit of choreography from Tasty Oreo and probably the best these two have been, which is to say: Nathan was decent. Mollee was almost tolerable. Together, they managed to take a bunch of ruffle-flipping and pretend it was real dancing! Okay, so I am harsh, but you don’t get to complain about the routine being super-tiring when there’s so much “stand and shake ruffle” in it. Regardless, it was not-bad enough that now Nigel has an excuse to put them through to the top ten, which is all he really wanted anyway. Perhaps Nathan will be better with another partner. I don’t think it’s possible that Mollee will be. Regardless, these two have easily become the worst pairing in SYTYCD history on the basis of sheer longevity.

Noelle and Russell: samba and contemporary. The samba really exposed Russell’s weaknesses as a dancer. This is not to say that he was bad – he was okay – but he is simply not strong enough, at least in this style, to carry someone who is dancing badly and make the routine enjoyable. And Noelle was dancing really, really badly: her footwork was laboured and, stage-grin aside, she clearly wasn’t into the spirit of the dance. If Russell had been paired with, say, Karen or even Kathryn, I think this would have been decent. As it was, however, this was quite weak. (Nigel once again goes into the “I can’t believe you haven’t had any lessons Russell” bullshit, which is so patronizing that at this point it is bordering on slightly racist.)

The contemporary was very good (Tasty is so much better when he’s not doing crappy Broadway) and the only complaint I could make is that Nigel had to interject a bit of the old-fashioned Nigel Lythgoe Brand Of Creepy when he was commenting.

Ashleigh and Jakob: jazz and cha-cha. The jazz was fine. I think it was overpraised: it didn’t seem to have any point other than that Jakob can do really amazing things with his legs, but frankly anybody watching him dance previously would have known that. Ashleigh was as basically average as she always is: not bad, not great. I have nothing else to say about this piece because we all know that Ashleigh and Jakob are making top ten easy.

The cha-cha was really good (one of the low points of the Canadian SYTYCD is that we never get to see Jean-Marc do choreo there), not only for the novelty of seeing Ashleigh dance better than Jakob for once but also because it was genuinely great. Jakob could have danced a little lower to the ground, to be certain, but he nailed his footwork and his exaggerated cha-cha face wasn’t self-parodic, so it’s easy to forgive the fact that Ashleigh was leading for most of the routine.

Probable bottom three: Karen and Victor, Mollee and Nathan, Noelle and Russell.
Should go home: Mollee and Nathan.
Will go home: Karen and Victor.

Tonight’s theme: kiddie pictures! For some reason.

Ashleigh and Jakob: hip-hop. Nabithleontabbywhatever are just ripping themselves off at a horrendous clip these days: I think their last three out of three routines now have featured that hunched-over high step and I was seeing entire patterns of hand movements and thinking “I have seen that before, and I don’t mean in a generic sense but those specific movements in their other routines.” Jakob nailed this, however, so I am not entirely ungenerous. Ashleigh started out really, really sloppy (horrendously off-beat and weak sauce on the beats) but after about twenty seconds really settled into a decent groove and became quite watchable. She is still the Kameron to his Lacey, though.

Karen and Kevin: Broadway. This was honestly very weak (I mean, when you can’t get an audience of tweenage girls to scream at least once during your routine, you know it’s weak). Kevin looked terrified yet again and his performance was almost nonexistent as a result (and his technique was crap, even for someone with his dancing background). Karen was at best middling: I can forgive the lack of extension that only classical training or exceptional strength could really provide, but her performance quality was average and nothing more.

Russell and… uh… gimme a sec… oh right, Noelle: foxtrot. Russell’s first foxtrot was actually quite acceptable by this show’s standards but this was just an improvement by any measure: better technique, better sense of the dance itself, more comfortable. Genuinely good. Generic Female Dancer was Generic Female Dancer: perfectly acceptable within the parameters of her skillset, about as memorable as taupe. No, as memorable as the concept of taupe.

Channing and Victor: jazz. Tasty Oreo is so much more enjoyable when he is not doing horrible Broadway choreo: I really liked the choreo in this piece a lot. Channing and Victor danced it quite well from a technical standpoint: I am hardpressed to point to a single mistake. That having been said, the utter soullessness of their respective performances was horrific. They might as well have been robots set to “enjoy self while dancing” – there was no sense of character at all, and they were given obvious – stunningly easy – characters to work with. I found myself simultaneously fascinated and bored.

Kathryn and Legacy: paso doble. I really, really wanted this to be good, but unfortunately for Legacy a furrowed brow alone does not constitute proper paso attitude: his movements were all too often tentative rather than forceful, cautious rather than fiery, and Kathryn frequently appeared to be leading him during the piece – in the dance where above all the male partner has to take the lead. This is not to say that the seeds of promise are not there for Legacy’s ballroom skills, but at best they are only seeds this time around. Kathryn, on the other hand, was holy shit awesome in this and I will brook no dissent on that fact.

Ellenore and Ryan: contemporary. Probably the first routine from Travis that didn’t feel like he was just aping Mia Michaels again, and definitely the best one he’s done so far. Ellenore’s lines in this were just staggering – beautiful and precise and clean and smooth all at once. Just fucking amazing dancing. Ryan wasn’t quite at Ellenore’s level, of course, but he was damned good in this and his strength at partnering really made the piece come together as a whole. (Nigel says that Ryan is the best ballroom dancer ever to do contemporary, leading Pasha, Vincent, Heidi, Lacey and Chelsie all to simultaneously turn and say “wait, what?”)

Mollee and Nathan: dogshit pop/jazz. A major stinker of a routine from LaurieAnn Gibson this week, but maybe the producers of the show specifically told her to put together a routine with long stretches of very little movement so Mollee wouldn’t fuck it up. I mean, I can really see that happening. And yet, she was still bad, dancing like she was tired halfway through the routine after having next to no fucking dancing to do other than some little hand bobbles. Nathan was actually reasonably good in this despite the fact that he and Mollee have, like, negative chemistry, and of course this meant that the judges all went after him for not being great, because Mollee is Teh Chosen One and ne’er shall one speak badly of She Who Shall Pull The Suck From The Stone.

Probable bottom three: Karen and Kevin, Channing and Victor, Ashleigh and Jakob. (Mollee and Nathan should have the third spot. But they won’t.)
Should go: Channing and Kevin.
Will go: Channing and Victor.

This week: a thankful lack of begging for Paula Abdul’s horrific presence!

Karen and Kevin: hustle. Kevin’s performance here was certainly better than his dreadful first week cha-cha, but not nearly so good as to merit his congratulations from the judges: it was strictly technically acceptable and nothing more. His performance quality was lacking for me: the slow introduction was creaky and for a good chunk of the fast part of the dance, he looked terrified of screwing up. Mary says “it was like Karen was leading” and I am all “like?” because, you know, she was leading for practically the entire thing and it was obvious. Maybe I am being harsh here because Kevin really was much better than he was in week one. But then again, in week one he totally blew.

Ashleigh and Jakob: jazz. And I see it’s time for episode seventeen of “Mandy Moore Imagines What Her Prom Would Have Been Like In Her Dreams.” Seriously, Frankie Goes To Hollywood? That’s approaching self-goddamned-parody. That having been said, my reactions are twofold: 1.) the choreo for this routine was dramatically inferior to Mia Michaels’ superb cane routine from season one, and 2.) Jakob danced the motherfuck out of Mandy Moore’s relatively average choreography. Ashleigh was perfectly okay, but Jakob’s performance was just off the goddamn charts here: his character and elevation were just astounding. Dude is a contender, yo.

Pauline and Peter: quickstep. The first bit of this was a bit brutal, but about halfway through, Pauline and Peter really actually started to get into a good groove and their footwork actually really started to approach it being a decent quickstep. Not a perfect one, but a good one, especially by SYTYCD standards. Mary and Nigel naturally had to discuss all the little errors the two of them made because at this point they are deeply invested in the idea that quickstep is the hardest possible dance to execute on this show (which it isn’t, not even close – just because they give blowjobs to every shitty disco and krump that hits the stage doesn’t mean that the discos and krumps on this show aren’t largely shit) so they have to pontificate at length about how the dancers missed six billion tiny things.

Kathryn and Legacy: Broadway. I was gritting my teeth and preparing for Tasty, but instead I get Andy Ferrisbueller or something like that. I will take it happily. All three of the judges dinged Kathryn for being too cutesy, which is pretty much on point: she reminded me rather eerily of Betty Boop, and Betty Boop is kind of terrifying. Legacy was strong in this, albeit occasionally a bit stonefaced. I don’t think the judges mild criticisms were enough to stop the vote-juggernaut these two are forming.

Channing and Viktor: contemporary. “So let’s take two contemporary dancers and give them a contemporary routine by the best contemporary choreographer we’ve got available.” Although this routine was predictably excellent tecnically (although I think Stacey Tookey has about drained the “two lovers have a tumultuous relationship and one leaves at the end” well at this point), my antipathy for the obvious loading of the dice here is pointed. I mean, when Russell got to dance hip-hop they at least stuck him with a goddamn tennis racquet. Nigel, surprisingly, says what I thought he wouldn’t – that these two dance very well in their own style, but mostly emotionlessly and/or coldly. Which is mostly accurate.

Ellenore and Ryan: hip-hop. Mostly a toned-down krump, really. In any case: this was bad. The choreo was not bad, although now we can be sure that L’il C is of the “do the damn moves” school of hip-hop choreo rather than the “let’s be nice to everybody and do whatever and call it hip-hop” school that Nabitha and Tapoleon represent all too often. The dancing was bad. I don’t really have anything else to say: both Ellenore and Ryan were off-beat (and off-beat in different ways), neither of them hit their moves particularly hard (although Ellenore was a bit less worse than Ryan), and although the personality was there, nothing else was.

Mollee and Nathan: salsa. Oh my god, they finally get Gustavo MOTHERFUCKING Vargas on the American show, and he gives up some really great choreo, and they feed him to the vortex of suck that is Nathan and Mollee. It is like a cruel, cruel joke. This was so bad that the judges had to actually admit that it was terrible and Mollee and Nathan were terrible (although they rallied to say that they were fan favorites so it’s okay to vote for them even though they sucked, America!). Mollee is perhaps the most oversold dancer in the history of the entire show. Yes, even more than Lauren in season three.

Noelle and Russell: afro-jazz. SEAN CHEESEMAN IN THE FUCKING HOUSE oh man Canada is invading your HOUSE America and if you are not nice we will BURN IT DOWN just like in 1812. (Ahem.) Sean Cheeseman’s choreo was awesome as per usual. Russell goddamn sold it. Noelle… was okay. Not great. She is a fairly generic dancer, to be honest, and she was offbeat a couple of times – not much, but just enough to be noticeable. Nigel continues pretending that he is Michelle Pfeiffer and that Russell is all of the kids in Dangerous Minds, because Nigel is a patronizing asshole.

Probable bottom three: Mollee and Nathan, Ellenore and Ryan, Channing and Viktor.
Should go home: Mollee and Viktor.
Will go home: Channing and Viktor.

As usual, your hosts are Nigel, Mary, Shankman, and the empty chair labeled “Paula Abdul.” (Nigel continues to be the only person in the world who thinks Paula Abdul would add anything to this show.) New stage: still sucks.

Russell and Noelle: hip-hop. Obviously a difficult routine (fast hip-hop, plus using props in unison? Ow), but let’s be honest: Russell absolutely killed this in all ways that it is possible to kill a routine like this. His moves were so clean and crisp – especially given the speed of the routine – that I was simply amazed. Noelle was okay, but she was not nearly good enough to justify keeping her from last week given her, you know, zero dancing, and more than a few times during this routine she just fell apart – including during the “here is a chance for you to do a cartwheel because you are a contemporary dancer” bit that was obviously there for her benefit rather than the entire dance’s.

Jakob and Ashleigh: Viennese waltz. Ashleigh was fine. Jakob’s carriage in this was terrible: he kept dancing on the tips of his toes for way too much of the routine and made steps that should have looked strong and forceful instead almost look prissy. Also, I am shocked, shocked, that Adam Shankman actually dared to give constructive criticism to a choreographer. That does not happen on this show, Adam Shankman!

Bianca and Victor: Broadway. Victor is all “this isn’t like my church, because nobody is calling me an evil homo sinner.” Victor danced the entire thing almost at half-speed. Bianca was better, but kept slowing down to match him. Hey, remember that time on Scrubs where J.D. imagined that Turk was a black preacher and they were all in church and then Turk started singing and they all started dancing? This was like that except not quite as entertaining. Tasty Oreo’s choreography was not at fault here and indeed I dare day that Tasty is reaching new heights of tolerability.

Mollee and Nathan: Bollywood. First thought: “hey, if they did all of Mollee and Nathan’s routines in silhouette, it might not look like they are twelve!” Second thought: Mollee is loosey-goosey in her movements and ahead of the beat for most of the routine. Third thought: none of this will matter because Mollee, like Kayla last season, can Do No Wrong, regardless of how much actual wrong she does or how much inability she demonstrates to dance her routines convincingly. Nathan, for his part, actually danced this quite convincingly and I was much more impressed with him this week than last.

Channing and Philip: samba. Both were clearly struggling with the lifts, but those were terrible lifts to insert into the routine: overly complex and looooong and not that good a payoff for the effort involved. I liked their basic dancing, though: I thought Channing in particular had really good hip-action when they were just dancing rather than doing fancy lifts, and Philip was all right although he could have danced more into the ground than he was doing. I think the lifts just wrecked this dance. Nigel stupidly claims that since Philip is a tap dancer, he should have been more able to dance samba. This is like me saying “since you are an auto mechanic, you should therefore be more able to cook a five-course meal.”

Karen and Kevin: hip-hop. This was excellent: Kevin was as predictably good at this as you might expect, but Karen was a standout, managing to do what a lot of non-hip-hop dancers just can’t do: make a Nappytabs routine look sick. (Of course, Kevin could do that as well, but unlike Karen, he wasn’t a surprise.) Incidentally, Adam Shankman’s bit of hammery aside, he is easily five times the judge Nigel or Mary are. Hell, he is five times the judge they are combined. Maybe ten. I am not sure what happened to Adam “I love everybody and you’re all the best” Shankman and where all this amazing constructive commentary came from, but I like New Adam Shankman heaps more.

Kathryn and Legacy: contemporary. I see Stacey Tookey before she’s even announced and immediately think “well, this should at least be watchable,” and was then pleasantly surprised beyond that as Kathryn and Legacy absolutely destroyed this. Legacy’s movement was simply amazing: his lines were clean and smooth, and sure maybe Stacey Tookey threw in a couple of parts where he could B-boy a bit, but if all contemporary dancers could move like B-boys, there’d be a lot more B-boying in contemporary choreography. Combine that with lightning-quick leaps and it made for a spectacular performance; Kathryn matched and exceeded him wherever she could. Wasn’t expecting much from these two initially: am more surprised with each dance.

Peter and Pauline: jazz. Wade Robson is insane, but we knew that already. This was not one of his huge artistic successes, to be honest, but it was interesting and that’s enough for me. Peter was really in the moment in this piece and fully embraced the character. Pauline was kind of there – nothing went wrong, but I think she was outdanced by Peter, and given their respective training that probably shouldn’t have happened.

Ellenore and Ryan: tango. I’m still on the fence as to whether this was slightly better than Brandon and Jeanette’s tango from season five, or very slightly less good, but it was really goddamn stupendous either way: a near-perfect connection and lines that were just superb on all levels, even considering the minor wardrobe malfunction. Mary explains that since Ryan is a Latin dancer, this really isn’t his thing, thus rendering Argentine tango into a non-Latin dance. Is Mary from Earth-2? That would explain a lot.

And then they send home Bianca and Philip and keep Victor and Noelle. Remember, kids, contemporary dancers can do anything and if you believe otherwise it is just your lying eyes.

Incidentally, the So you Think You Can Dance Social is running their second season of “Fantasy SYTYCD”, and I daresay I would have won the first time if I hadn’t predicted that Tara-Jean and Everett would get eliminated by top 14. (Curse you, Tara-Jean and Everett!) Anyhow, they’ve suggested they’d like to see an MGK.com “team,” so if you’re in the mood to play predictions, get thee hence and sign up.

Your guest judge is an empty chair with “Paula Abdul” on it. The new stage sucks. There’s no voting this week. HOW MANY MORE WAYS CAN THEY FIND TO BE WRONG?

Channing and Philip: jive. This was mediocre leaning towards bad, particularly in the case of Philip, who frankly should be better at jive: he was sucking wind at the end, his extensions were frankly crap (which given his tap background is really just… weird) and he looked nervous. Channing was actually much better than she got credit for being; her extensions were solid and she had much better performance quality than Philip. That having been said, the responsibility for nearly fucking up their big trick lies on both of them. For a first show, this was below average but not necessarily kiss of death. The judges actually make good comments, which blows me the fuck away.

Ashleigh and Jakob: Broadway. Tasty Oreo puts together a Broadway routine that isn’t grating? Hooray for small miracles. Honestly, this was probably one of the best Broadways Tasty has ever choreo’d (which is often damning with faint praise, but not this time). Jakob was astounding in this: his transitions were just seamless and his movement just goddamn sublime. Ashleigh was okay, which for working out of genre on week one is actually not that bad. This was reasonably good!

Arianna and Peter: hip-hop. That was one of the worst hip-hop performances on this show ever: an interesting core idea, executed about as badly as I have ever seen Napoleon and Tabitha (or pretty much anybody else) ever choreo a routine. (“Hey, I got an idea! Let’s have them stand over hunched for a few seconds and just flail!” “Awesome! You know what else would be good? Lots of dead time!” “We’re killing this shit!”) Arianna was off-beat frequently: Peter was much sharper (and had the harder part to perform), but given what crap he had to work with it’s hard to praise him even so.

Russell and Noelle Melanie LaPatin: foxtrot. And here is episode seven of the “Russell can do anything and make it look amazing” show, this week managing to do what Pasha couldn’t do in season three: dance with Melanie and make it look natural and real. (Okay, so it helps that this was a refined, charming routine that worked a lot better than the wild salsa they choreo’d for Pasha.) But in all seriousness, Russell was goddamned amazing – maybe not technically brilliant but certainly possessed of fantastic performance quality – and my only quibble is Nigel saying that Fred Astaire couldn’t or wouldn’t do krump, which is bull: Astaire (and Gene Kelly) lived for new types of dance, and were known in their seventies to go out on the street and cheer on breakdancers. If krump had been around in their prime, they would have krumped. I’ll bring this back to Russell now by saying that his effortlessness in this reminded me well of Astaire and Kelly, and he’s definitely a frontrunner at this point.

Bianca and Viktor: contemporary. Something about Travis’ choreo still doesn’t quite work for me: to me this felt a bit derivative, taking chunks out of Mia Michaels’ playbook (which, admittedly, is still stealing from the best). The judges fell over themselves to praise Viktor’s embrace of the character, which is weird to me because I thought he was almost soulless in his performance, dancing like a very technically brilliant robot, and that Bianca was the one really driving the connection and emotion of the piece home. But the dancing was strong and I can’t complain about it, really.

Karen and Kevin: cha cha. Karen’s performance quality was predictably very solid; Kevin’s was surprisingly disappointing. Adam Shankman calling the end lift “a little slow” is perhaps a bit of an understatement, as I stepped away from the screen to watch Titanic and read War and Peace and then came back and it was still going. Kevin’s legwork was practically nonexistent (lots of just “standing and letting Karen do things” moments); he started out reasonably well and then just went downhill, and he tried to make up for it with “Latin face” and didn’t really manage it. Bleh. (Also, “Push It” as sung by the cast of Glee? No.)

Ellenore and Ryan: jazz. Thankfully someone took Sonya aside and told her “look, stop trying to make people be sexy, and just do dances based on your last D&D campaign like we pay you to do,” and she did. And this is fine, because she is great at that. This was really cool; Ryan and Ellenore have a good partnership here, and both danced it quite well. The tricks were all pulled off quite well (although they were more predictable than Mary thought, but then again Mary is easily surprised). I quite liked this.

Brandon and Pauline: smooth waltz. I really think the judges overcritiqued this if anything, because Brandon and Pauline had great chemistry, good lines and reasonably good rise and fall. For a day and a half’s worth of practice I think they did just fine; there have been many, many waltzes on this show that were worse than this. Many, many waltzes, and they got blowjobs from the judges all the same.

Katherine and Legacy: hip-hop. I love Dave Scott’s choreo – he’s original and fresh and does indeed have a clever sense of humour. That having been said, this wasn’t my favourite of his pieces. It wasn’t a bad piece by any means, and I thought Legacy and Katherine did a good job with it – not nearly as hard-hitting as it could have been (and dare I say the lack of hip-hop judging on this show is distressing – three judges with no hip-hop training telling us how good or bad a piece of hip-hop is? Yeeesh), but good enough and certainly better than most of season five’s hip-hop. There’s just been, you know. Better.

Mollee and Nathan: disco. Ugh. The first twenty seconds or so of this were actually really great, and I was thinking, hey, maybe Doriana Sanchez hasn’t laid yet another egg. And in fairness, I don’t think I can blame her entirely for this mess, which they did not pull off no matter how much the judges want them to succeed (and if there’s another couple getting more obvious judge-jobs than these two, I dunno who they are). After that first twenty seconds, they screwed up a lift, then came out of the lift sloppy with bad footwork, then did another lift poorly, then more bad footwork… ugh. What a goddamn mess.

And then the judges nominate Arianna, Pauline, Brandon, and Russell for some reason that makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. And of course it’s Brandon going home because duh. And Arianna, whatever.

THREE EXAMPLES OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE‘S BRILLIANT “FIX WHAT ISN”T BROKEN” STRATEGY

1.) The new stage, which is large, impersonal, with a dark background so the dancers tend to fade into the background if not lit exactly right (and it’s hard to light constantly moving people exactly right) and difficult for the cameramen to shoot well, and lacks the balcony/stairwell that so many choreographers have used to good effect

2.) Switching the format so the top 20 and top 18 eliminations aren’t done by phone-in vote, but instead solely by the judges, which of course forces one to ask as to why they had anything but a top 16 in the first place

3.) Begging Paula Abdul to come on the show because god knows I need to see a washed-up drunken “celebrity” on my teevee

Is there a master plan here? Because seriously, I don’t see it.

Blake and Luther, unsurprisingly, are judges for top 4 night.

All four: cabaret. Bland Tony-n-Mel ™ routine that was pretty straightforward and therefore should have been pretty easy for the dancers to execute, which makes Everett’s weak performance here all the more glaring.

Vincent and Everett: hip-hop. Everett kicked it up a notch towards the end, which made him tolerable. Vincent was bad throughout this entire piece. I am out of synonyms for “bad” now so I will stop. It was bad on all levels, even after the fairly obvious breaks Sho-Tyme inserted into the routine to let them do “hey”-waves at the crowd and have a few seconds’ worth of not dancing. This wasn’t close to top 4 quality; this wasn’t even close to top 20 quality.

Tara-Jean and Everett: jazz. This was genuinely quite lovely and an excellent final effort from Sean Cheeseman, who’s had a great season. Everett was a forklift for large chunks of this, but at least he wasn’t a bad forklift. Tara-Jean was excellent. These two still have great chemistry, which is the only reason I think they survived the early rounds (well, that and the “they’re both from small towns” factor, which in Canada means “more votes”).

Tara-Jean and Jayme-Rae: mambo. Interesting to see them give the all-girl pairing a ballroom number, and I like the experimentation, but it came off a lot as “two girls doing the girl half of ballroom” rather than a pairing proper. Performance quality from both girls was excellent: timing, less so, as Tara-Jean frequently jumped ahead of the beat and Jayme-Rae fell behind it more than once.

Jayme-Rae and Vincent: contemporary. Stacey Tookey can do no wrong (or at least has not done so yet in two seasons plus a couple of American appearances). This was intensely sexy and danced just about flawlessly by both Vincent and Jayme-Rae; Vincent in particular deserves kudos given his lack of formal training, but Jayme-Rae’s pure sultriness is likewise deserving of mention. Just fantastic.

Tara-Jean and Vincent: hustle. At first I was all “oh god Melissa Williams” but then it turned out it was the person who choreo’d Kameron and Lacey’s hustle from season three, and that is just fine. As was this: Tara-Jean started out very weak in ballroom (which this basically is) on this show, but improved dramatically over the course of the show, and Vincent is Vincent and kills ballroom every time.

Jayme-Rae and Everett: samba. Well, if you wanted proof that Everett doesn’t belong in the top four (heck, the top ten), this is it: he was absolutely terrible in this. Just awful: stiff, awkward, barely coordinated, lacking rhythm… you name a common dance flaw and Everett exhibited it in this. Jayme-Rae was very good and made the piece watchable: she commanded attention with good technique and flair, and for the most part got it, but even she couldn’t save that horrible bridge where Everett had the tricky leg lift he really, really couldn’t do, no matter how much Tre claims otherwise.

Solos: All the usual stuff, except for Jayme-Rae, who almost stole one of Jeanine Mason’s solos outright.

First through fourth should be: Jayme-Rae, Vincent, Tara-Jean, Everett.
First through fourth will be: Tara-Jean, Vincent, Jayme-Rae, Everett.

Not as bland as season 5 (AKA “So You Think You Can Dance Contemporary And Not Much Else”), but still – it seems more than ever that female hip-hop dancers are effectively dead on this show, despite that whenever they make it top top 20 they invariably do reasonably well. (Comfort top 8 season four, Sara top 6 season three, Donyelle top 4 season 2, et cetera). I suppose that “only” eleven contemporary dancers is about as low as the show is willing to go.

I was kind of rooting for vaguely-Hispanic-looking-guy-with-moustache – I really liked his Broadway performance from last week and knew he was a hip-hop dancer – but I guess they felt they’d been adventurous enough putting through Russell, Kevin and Legacy, to say nothing of three tap dancers. (Speaking of tap dancers, what is all this “first tapper in So You Think You Can Dance” business? Sandra from season 1 was a tapper. Have we all erased her from show memory now?)

EDIT TO ADD: Oh, yeah, and there’s no way Russell doesn’t have some formal training. I’m laying odds on another Joshua-style “he’s an untrained dancer! If you don’t count the dance camps as training.”