PROBLEM: Really stupid costume nobody would actually want to wear in real life.
SOLUTION: “The Jack T. Chance”: Green Lantern symbol (which is cool) as badge on regular clothing.
PROBLEM: Getting international audiences to watch movie without sneering.
SOLUTION: Plot features Captain America finding out about dastardly plot within American government to blah-blah-blah-fascist-something and foiling it, thus maintaining American patriotic credibility and issues rest of world has with American government in nifty nutshell.
PROBLEM: Barry is boring; Wally is hard to explain without Barry; Jay is old; Bart raped Veronica Mars on her teevee show.
SOLUTION: Meet Steve Zurkel, AKA The Flash!
PROBLEM: Character does not really have a defined reason to exist beyond being “pre-eminent female superhero.”
SOLUTION: Accuse anybody who complains about this of being rampant sexist.
PROBLEM: Fanboys complaining that movie Luke Cage takes fashion cues from Bendis-era New Avengers rather than 70s-period tiara/afro/yellow puffy shirt.
SOLUTION: Death camps.
PROBLEM: Arrows are stupid.
SOLUTION: Give him a samurai sword and make him the best ever with it and ignore it when people ask why he uses a bow at all and why don’t you just call it Green Sword, huh?
PROBLEM: Is gay.
SOLUTION: Make him be a manly gay. Sample dialogue: “time for you to get on your hands and knees now, Alex. You have to realize Northstar… is the man.”
PROBLEM: Nobody outside of comic fanboys knows who he is.
SOLUTION: Change title of movie to The Martian Manhunter, A Notable Silver-Age Character And Founding Member Of The Justice League, Who Shares Many Elements of Superman’s Origin While Remaining A Distinct Character In His Own Right, And Who Is A Really Big Deal.
PROBLEM: When you say things like “yon Avengers” and “thou art no worthy opponent” out loud, they sound really stupid.
SOLUTION: Three words: thick, Swedish, accent.
PROBLEM: Keith Giffen stalking and killing whoever accepts lead role.
SOLUTION: Match Giffen’s rage with Ralph Macchio’s desperation for a comeback.
PROBLEM: Character now much older than Ian McKellen, who is, let’s face it, pretty damn old already.
SOLUTION: Magical de-aging ray turns Magneto into Jared Padalecki.
PROBLEM: His superpower is flying.
SOLUTION: Tagline for movie: “You Will Believe A Hawk Can Fly.”
PROBLEM: They already made a Ghost Rider movie and it really sucked.
SOLUTION: Invent time travel, convince young Nicolas Cage to become insurance salesman.