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Lister Sage said on July 11th, 2008 at 9:43 am

Instead of serving meals, they can serve you a baby! There’s no end to the cost saving measures!

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Yeah, who needs chairs? They’re overrated and heavy. Plus, it’s more like a thrill ride that way!

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Lets get rid of stewartesses and just let the passengers get their own meals. I mean seriously, are people just too lazy to get out of their seats? It’s a three hour flight, you could use the exercise, you fatties.

While they’re at it, what does a co-pilot actually do, anyway? Hell, why do we need a pilot at all? I fly planes by remote control all the time, and autopilot features do most of the work on those long hauls. :-p That’s millions a year.

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There are already nude flights; that would shave a bit off the weight, which increases efficiency. From there it’s only a small step to flight attendant prostitution, which everyone would have to know about before stepping on the plane.

From a non-satirical perspective, different arrangements of chairs are being tried out.

I actually like your first idea.

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Smileyfax said on July 11th, 2008 at 12:59 pm

Trains are the wave of the future! (Also ironically the wave of the past).

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With the excellent exception of Allegiant Air, I hope every single one of those airlines goes up in smoke.

I am 6’8″ tall and Allegiant Air gave me more leg room in my non-first-class seat than I have in any automobile.

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You are a friggin’ evil genius, and must be stopped before your ideas fall into the hands of actual airline execs.

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MarvinAndroid said on July 11th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Planes can also save fuel by driving in neutral some of the time, like some people do with cars. They run the engines to gain altitude, then shut them off and coast a few miles. When the planes reach dangerously low altitude, they hit the engines again, and regain altitude. Rinse, repeat. Actually, if you’re flying over the ocean, the rinse part might prove quite literal.

Alternate plan: no more non-alcoholic drinks, and a two-drink minimum. Even for minors. In fact, minors would have a three-drink minimum, because if more of them passed out it would probably be a quieter flight.

Alternate-alternate plan: Remove the wings on one side of the plane, to halve manufacturing costs.

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Joysweeper said on July 11th, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Pay the pilots more! Salaries are way down.

…Admittedly, that’s got nothing to do with keeping more money in the airlines, but my dad’s been a pilot for almost twenty years and he’s still making less and less.

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