Were you a 14 year old girl as an adolescent?
Seriously though… I’ve read all these books and couldn’t agree more with the assesment of David Eddings. Really glad I got pointed to this site from the DVDVR. There isn’t a day I come here and don’t laugh.
Will Lloyd Alexander and Tad Williams appear in Part Three?
Now I’m getting some really disturbing mental imagery involving Saberhagen’s Song of the Swords and who might be singing it…
These title’s are truly epic. And in sympathy for the zombie hordes of teenage (and desperate twenty something) Myer’s fans, OUCH.
You know, the life of many a future fangirl is explained by book number one. And the subtitle “My Little Pony Goes to War: And has the non-threatening emo gay sexing”.
Truly a formative book.
Now if you excuse me, I’m off to go read somebodies 21 part Stargate Atlantis/NCIS BDSM epic.
You make it sound like there is something wrong with Vikings that have Jet Planes.
Did Doctor Doom read a lot of Mercedes Lackey, though?
I can’t wait until the Twilight fangirl brigade sees the last one.
I have to say I am finding all this terribly amusing. I shouldn’t, but I am.
Oh no! Not Elric! Hehehe.
Elric snark AND Opposite-Elric snark! I thank you, kind sirrah! (But you wouldn’t be so bold as to go after Faf and the Mouser, would you?) I expect Thieve’s World next…
The last one made me laugh so hard I damn near peed my pants.
As someone who owns a bookstore, I just have to say: thank you for this.
That last one? Pure gold. I hope it’s spread all over the internets. (the title – not actual dogshit – that would be Bad.)
I actually kind of liked the Elric saga…
Opposite-world Elric was good, though.
And I’m afraid to admit that I actually spent upwards of twenty dollars for the Twilight series, then promptly returned them in favor of the Gene Wolfe, Book of the New Sun series.
Brilliant and disturbingly apt. Have you really suffered through Twilight? If so, you are a far more tenacious reader than I could ever be.
The first one is perfect. I’ve been calling Valdemar “My Pretty Psychic Pony” for years.
I;m going to test my students to see how much of the fantasy they claim to have read, they’ve actually read. If they don’t laugh, I’ll *know*. [g]
This has made my WEEK. But the Twilight one was wayyyy too easy.
I almost spit when I saw the Zimmer Bradley, though. Loved it the first time I read it (ZOMG IT CHANGED MY LIIIFFEEE) and thought it was overwrought when I tried to reread it.
Do Heinlein next!!!
That Dogshit Cover is my new wallpaper, thanks.
I’m sorely tempted to print it out and tape it over one of the actual books in our shop…
Very funny! I’ve always wondered why fantasy writers can’t write just one stand alone book and this parodies that idea beautifully. I hope to see Terry Pratchett at some point.
These (and the ones before) are utterly hilarious, but the Saberhagen totally slayed me. If, ah, you’ll pardon the mental image.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) not so familiar with this crop. I actually had a writing teacher and a fellow student, both middled aged women in academia, refer to Mercedes Lackey as their dirty pleasure. I’ve always wondered about that.
Harry Turtledove… On one hand, he’s served as editor for a couple of pretty kick-ass military sci-fi collections, so I don’t loath him unconditionally. But I tried to read the Darkness trilogy and couldn’t keep going after the first book. Once I realized that it was basically WW2, I started putting together the plot twists with distressing accuracy and just wasn’t interested anymore.
And his short story about nazis killing Ghandi just felt really fucking smug.
I keep meaning to read Twilight, as part of the same morbid curiosity that made me pick up Interview With A Vampire. My curiosity, however, is not enough to overcome the prospect and sheer word volume of the thing. I’ve heard the plot and I’ve heard the commonly recited problems and I keep thinking, this just sounds like a potentially good idea that catballed into stupidity. I think it would be interesting to blog a chapter by chapter deconstruction of it, as was done to the Left Behind series a few years back. (Sadly, I don’t remember who did it or where you can find it.)
NCallahan, I think you’re after http://slacktivist.typepad.com. He’s taking a hiatus from the series after he finished the first book, so you’ll have to go back a bit.
Unfair to Joel Rosenberg, I think (but he’s a friend, I may just be biased). Seems to me the Guardians of the Flames series is largely about how it *isn’t* simply cool and nice for their D&D game to be real; how there are all sorts of costs for being those people in that world.
Um, wouldn’t bother to comment if so many of them didn’t seem to be spot-on. Especially the ones I haven’t read. Hmmmm.
So even if I started with a bitch, thanks for doing these, they’re great!
And sure, go ahead and do Heinlein. Maybe two, or even three — at least the juveniles and the late stuff separately. *And* you can do Doc Smith — oh, wait; most of the covers for those are pretty accurate already.
Bwahaha. I love GGK, but seriously, psychic Vikings? Clearly they needed jet planes.
Hilarious! Although it embarasses me to admit how many of these books I’ve read – and not necessarily during adolesence, either. *blush*
Y’know, just because someone’s making fun of something doesn’t mean they don’t like it. I read (and enjoyed) roughly half of the list he’s been skewering. Some of them are cherished favorites. That doesn’t mean I didn’t laugh when I saw the parodies.
That title for the Joel Rosenberg series? 100% accurate, it’s what every D&D geek ever has dreamed about (before they realize — as Rosenberg’s heroes do — that it would be a Very Bad Idea).
The only way to DO good parody is to actually have some love and respect for that which you’re parodying. Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I don’t detect unnecessary vitriol here. (shrug)
Steph your spot on for Rosenberg. The most surreal moment is when I realized that I knew exactly which room at UCONN he was describing, having played D&D there myself.
MGK all these covers are great, only one I don’t know is the Stephanie Myers, so off to google it and see what happens.
Alan, it’s called Twilight. And trust me, you’ll be happier not knowing.
I would just like to point out, for the record, that I have read and finished Last Light of the Sun 3 times since I bought it.
And I only consider it a truly great book because of one page, that hearkens back to previous books and is full of creative heartache.
Love the second batch just as much as the first (heck, moreso: The Saberhagen one made me seriously worry I was about to wake my roommates.)
I think these work even better if you read and enjoyed the series in question; they’re in the line of “celebrity roasts”, where you need to a) be a fan, and b) have a good sense of humor about the object of your devotion.
Heh. I like all of these–but I’m kind of amused that the Rosenberg one is in fact exactly *opposite* of the title used here–it’s more ‘Wow, it really SUCKS when your D&D campaign is real!’ (Rosenberg seems to have a fetish for beating up his characters. The book that finally turned me off to the series has the basic plot of ‘Guy goes through trials and saves the world!…then comes home to find his wife in bed with a local lord after having had a ‘headache’ at the start of the book.’
ncallahan – It’s true, most of Turtledove’s work is either World War 2 or the Civil War dressed up in new clothing, and much of the remainder is the Byzantine Empire, same deal.
(Funny story: his first published work, the Videssos Saga, started life as a *Lord of the Rings fanfic*, believe it or not. One of Julius Caesar’s legions is magically transported to late Fourth Age Gondor, which Turtledove envisioned as decadent and rather like — surprise — Byzantium. For publication, he invented a “new” world (guess what its historical basis was? Go on, I dares ya) to throw the Romans at, and revised his villain from the Witch-King of Angmar to someone a bit less obvious.
(That said, I really *like* the Videssos Cycle.)
However, the Worldwar/Colonization series starts in *historical* WW2 and transforms it into something completely different. I recommend those books quite strongly.
I would have thought Elric was chaotic evil but now you mention it a lawful evil alignment would explain his conflict with Arioch.
I’d have envisioned something like “Gimme some herbal tea or I’ll kill my wife” for Elric.
Surprised nobody dared HP Lovecraft
Turtledove may be a pretty big hack, but through his writing he has answered one of the fundamental questions which has plagued philosophers for centuries, namely: What the hell are you supposed to DO with a degree in Byzantine history, anyhow?
Great list – love to see some of the Hugh Cook Chronicles of an age of Darkness covers in here maybe (read him, if you haven’t – http://www.zenvirus.com)
Hugh Cook? Oh god. “The Waffle and the Watchamacallit.” “The Window and the Wayback Machine.” “The Woodrow and the Wilson.”
Oh gods I can’t breathe I’m giggling so hard… Mercedes Lackey is one of my guilty pleasures, and that cover just about sums up nearly everything she’s ever written.
…I’m pushing 40. But sometimes even middle aged moms need to sit down with something fluffy to go with the pint of double chocolate Haagen Daaz.
Something besides a chick-flick, that is. Because, ew.
The Twilight one’s not very funny; sure, the books aren’t well-written and I say that as someone who likes them, but the other ones actually make fun of something in the contents of the book.
Even “Mary Sue Dates a Vampire” would have been funnier.
The rest of them are awesome!
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I like Saberhagen’s swords. I have them in three SFBC volumes, and bring them out every few years to read again. I will never read them again without thinking of that alternate title!
Zimmer-Bradley’s Camelot was fascinating the first time I read it (I have NO idea how long ago it was, but it was a *really* long time), I totally loved it. The second time was a little less so, I couldn’t put my finger on why. It was a few years before I picked it up again, and by that time Morgaine was just a sniveling self-centered brat. The book was just not believable anymore.
Love the Drizzt books, have no idea who Elric is. Loved some Turtledove, then found out that the vast majority of his books are about war, war, and more war. I really liked the alternative history.
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Hey… My daughter loves Stephanie Meyer. Then again she’s 8.
On the subject of Harry Turtledove, those of us from the San Fernando Valley love the everloving hell out of The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump, which is set in a reasonably contemporary alternate Los Angeles/Orange County.
Any Deverry book (Katherine Kerr)
Rhodry fucks some creatures
[…] READERS: Part two here. Part three […]
Dogshit, Soo fitting
Will you change fortress of ice by C.J.Cherryh to fortress of indecision?
I was smiling and grinning all through part one and the first half of this one.
Then I got to Saberhagen and LOL 😀
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