FLAPJACKS: Whatcha reading?
ME: An essay by Catherine MacKinnon.
FLAPJACKS: Who’s she?
ME: Radical feminist legal scholar.
FLAPJACKS: How radical is “radical”?
ME: She supported Andrea Dworkin’s assertion that all heterosexual sex can be defined as rape.
FLAPJACKS: That is pretty radical.
FLAPJACKS: Wait, was Andrea Dorkin –
FLAPJACKS: Oh. Was she married?
ME: I’m sure I don’t know.
FLAPJACKS: Sec. (pause) Okay, she was married.
ME: All right.
FLAPJACKS: Do you think she referred to her husband as a rapist?
ME: That would be on my long list of “things I don’t want to even speculate about.”
FLAPJACKS: Because that would make for some really awkward pillow talk.
ME: Please stop.
FLAPJACKS: I mean, he’d be all “I love you, baby,” and she’d be all “this is raping, you raper.”
ME: I am trying to read this, you know.
FLAPJACKS: Maybe they got off on it.
ME: See me flipping pages here?
FLAPJACKS: Man, academics have weird-ass sex lives.
ME: You know, when you came over, you said it was only because you wanted to borrow my wok.
FLAPJACKS: I’ve got it right here.
ME: And now?
FLAPJACKS: We’re bonding.
ME: I see.
FLAPJACKS: Why are you reading that thing, anyway?
ME: Writing a research paper on how a given Canadian court decision about how pornography should be treated under obscenity laws.
FLAPJACKS: And how should it be handled?
ME: Liberally, with minimum censorship.
FLAPJACKS: …there’s no real opportunity for me to make a dirty joke there.
ME: Imagine that.
FLAPJACKS: Say, while I’m here, can I borrow some peppers and onions and chicken?
ME: So what you’re saying is that in addition to borrowing my wok to make a stir-fry, you also want to borrow all the ingredients for a stir-fry.
FLAPJACKS: Well, I’ve already got oil.
ME: Good to see you’ve thought this out.
FLAPJACKS: Exactly. I said to myself, “what can I make with this bottle of canola oil?” And I said, “hey, a stir-fry!” Now all I need is the stir-fry stuff. And you’ve got that. So I come over here.
ME: Exquisitely planned, I must admit.
FLAPJACKS: While I’m here, can I use your stove?