FLAPJACKS: So did you win a Weblog Award yet?
ME: No, I wasn’t even nominated.
FLAPJACKS: But I thought you tried to get people to nominate you?
ME: No, I tried to get them to nominate me for the Bloggies.
FLAPJACKS: But it says here that the Bloggies are the weblog awards.
ME: They’re weblog awards, but they’re not the Weblog Awards.
FLAPJACKS: What’s the difference?
ME: The Bloggies are more important.
ME: Because they’re older and more prestigious.
FLAPJACKS: But aren’t the Weblog Awards bigger?
ME: I’m sure I wouldn’t know.
FLAPJACKS: They are.
ME: Look, the Bloggies are clearly more important because they have a snazzy nickname. It’s like – look, do you know who won the American Music Awards last year?
FLAPJACKS: …you know, I don’t.
ME: There you go.
FLAPJACKS: Of course, I don’t have any idea who won the Grammys either.
ME: But you feel a bit guilty that you don’t, right?
FLAPJACKS: …wow. That’s right.
ME: Or, like, the Golden Globes and the Oscars. Who won Best Picture last year at the Oscars?
FLAPJACKS: Good Burger.
ME: You always say that and you’re never right.
FLAPJACKS: One day I will be.
ME: That is a horrific yet strangely philosophical thought.
FLAPJACKS: So anyway, did you get nominated for a Bloggy?
ME: I don’t know yet. The nominating period is over and now they’re whittling down the list to make a set of final candidates to vote on.
FLAPJACKS: Think you’ll be on any lists?
ME: I don’t even think about it, to be honest.
FLAPJACKS: Oh, come on. You totally do. You actually set up a campaign to win the Canadian Weblog Awards. Then you threatened all the other sites to be less awesome during the vote period or you would make sure that they got syphilis. This is the next logical step.
ME: I didn’t threaten anybody with syphilis.
FLAPJACKS: You would have if you’d thought of it.
ME: Anyway, I’m telling you, I’m too busy to think about these things.
FLAPJACKS: You’ve probably already figured out who to bribe.
ME: Even if I did do that, I’m sure I don’t have the money to afford such things.
FLAPJACKS: You didn’t have the capacity to give anybody syphilis either, but did that stop you?
ME: Why on earth did you go to “giving people syphilis” for the purposes of comparison?
FLAPJACKS: If you don’t get nominated, are you going to call all the other blogs douchebags?
FLAPJACKS: …hey, you could call them “doucheblogs!” Doucheblogs! It’s a thing! We totally have to make this a thing!
ME: We really don’t.
FLAPJACKS: Oh, come on, it works! Kathy Shaidle is a doucheblogger! Glenn Reynolds is a doucheblogger! Jeff Bridges is a doucheblogger!
ME: …what do you have against Jeff Bridges?
FLAPJACKS: It was my life’s ambition to play Obadiah Stane in a movie about Iron Man, and he took that from me.
ME: Anyway, I think you’re too late to make “doucheblog” a thing.
ME: Because it is a word with “blog” in it, and I’m pretty sure every single word that can be punned off of with “blog” has already been invented by somebody else.
ME: That is just “Popeye” with the word “blog” stuffed into it.