Your judges this week are Nigel, Mary, and L’il C, and dare I say all the jokes made at the expense of L’il C’s vocabulary are really annoying and pretty patronizing to boot?
Top three guys: contemporary. Sonya’s routine here was clever and danced well by all three; I think Shorty got a little more credit than he deserved for the routine (he was easily the weakest of the three), but he at least managed to keep up with Brandon and Ade, which is no small achievement on his part.
Jeanine and Ade: samba and hip-hop. I thought Ade was much better in the samba than Mary gave him credit for; yes, the rolls were atrocious, but they were atrocious because of both dancers, and beyond the rolls I thought Ade did a perfectly reasonable job. Jeanine was on fire for this one and really worked her part to the utmost. I note that apparently “stick” is now a dirty word worthy of being censored. Hopefully it will make future choreographers reconsider using Lady Gaga for anything.
The hip-hop… well. First off, Jeanine, stop goddamn mugging so hard. Second off, this was one of Napoleon and Tabitha’s better routines this season, except for their insistence on making Jeanine and Ade dance in those boxes. Seriously, who the hell thinks that’s a good idea? First putting dancers in chains, and now making them have box feet? Are Napitha and Taboleon actively trying to handicap people, or what? Anyway, this routine was danced reasonably well, although they did nearly screw up the “Jeanine does double-dutch over Ade’s legs” part.
Jeanine’s solo: Far and away the weakest one she’s performed so far.
Ade’s solo: He really likes dancing fast, but this time he at least found a reasonable element of his song to which he could dance fast (IE, the vocals), so it was all right.
Melissa and Shorty: Broadway and quickstep. Tasty Oreo returns with another crappy Broadway piece, ending his streak of good Broadway routines at one. (This ties his previous record of one.) Melissa and Shorty just don’t have a lot of chemistry with one another and this staggeringly literal “Get Me To The Church On Time” routine needs chemistry. Melissa says that she is the oldest dancer ever on this show at 29, leaving the first season’s Big Fat Alan, who was 30, to cry and go eat a cheesecake as he watches on teevee at home.
Nigel says that Melissa has been “challenged,” which – she’s danced only five partner routines out of eleven this season where her ballet training wouldn’t have come into play (IE, contemporary or jazz pieces). Out of those five, the two that were slow she danced acceptably, and she was crap in all the others. And she hasn’t danced hip-hop once all season; she could go through to top 4 without having danced a single hip-hop dance. How is that “challenging?”
The quickstep was pretty goddamn terrible and they both sucked at it.
Melissa’s solo: Felt like the first quarter of a three-minute solo. Underdanced.
Shorty’s solo: FOR FUCK’S SAKE STOP DOING THAT “AW SHUCKS” SHRUG AT THE END OF EVERY FUCKING ROUTINE.
Kayla and Brandon: contemporary and disco. Stacey Tookey is awesome. She is like Canada’s Mia Michaels except without all the baggage that Mia Michaels brings with her. (Also, Stacey Tookey is seriously goddamned hot. This has no impact on her ability as a dancer or choreographer, but… daaaaaaamn.) Her adultery routine was just brilliant and gorgeous, and Brandon and Kayla danced it just about perfectly. When I saw it, I thought “well, Kayla is blossoming at just the right time.”
And then came the disco, which started out competently enough, with the requisite amount of disco cheese that is right and proper, maybe with Brandon carrying the routine a little more than Kayla – but shortly thereafter it disssolved into the usual Doriana Sanchez nightmare of prepare-lift-prepare-lift-prepare-lift. God, what a horrible piece of work. However, the Disco Rule (“No judge shall say an obviously bad disco routine is bad”) is in effect, so.
Kayla’s solo: Not as good as last week, but perfectly credible.
Brandon’s solo: Holeeeeeee shit that was a motherfucking solo.
Top three girls: contemporary. This was there. Compared to the guys’ three-person routine, this was decidedly more lacklustre. Melissa in particular didn’t seem to connect with the routine as much as the other two.
Should go home: Melissa and Shorty.
Will go home: Melissa and Ade.