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mygif

You’ve just given me an idea.

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Lister Sage said on August 19th, 2009 at 9:24 am

You do realise this idea is a lot better then anything the writers have been able to come up with for years?

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equinox216 said on August 19th, 2009 at 9:31 am

Atlantic City isn’t THAT far away, is it? He can afford a bus pass, can’t he?

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mygif

Couldn’t he just book public appearances with exclusive TV rights sold to a particular news channel? Then secretly add to the contract such that if a villain shows up and there is an awesome battle he gets extra cash?

Has that already been done? Sounds like something that someone would have thought of.

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mygif

The problem with paid TV appearances as Spiderman, is the IRS. The TV people have to pay the taxable share to the government, and that involves names, SSNs, and the like. Peter Parker seems averse to risking his identity that way. Besides, dealing with TV people is like dealing with the… Hmmm. Maybe you have a point.

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mygif

Unfortunately, I get the distinct feeling that Spider-Man isn’t genre-savvy enough to make money off of his own misfortune. That’s something somebody else would, though.

–Rawr

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mygif

Nah, what he ought to do is open some form of consulting business. Maybe construction, where he uses “science” to test if this is a safe building site etc.

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mygif

Arranging paid TV appearances, in addition to the aforementioned IRS issues, seems like it’s either very close to or likely to lead into some sort of Superhero Reality Show thing, and, uh, just ask Speedball how well that worked out.

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mygif

I believe the original Hobgoblin is still hiding out on some tropical island (hasn’t shown up since the late 90s, I don’t think).

Something to think about, and I hope I am remembered when you cash the check for writing that Spider-Man/Survivor crossover, hm?

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mygif

Wouldn’t the rest of the Survivor cast just form an alliance against him, becuase he’s so good?
“Kailey is being a total bitch to me, sure. But that one dude just did a quadruple back flip over a pond while quipping. I think he’s the bigger threat”

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mygif

Whenever somebody is lying to him about their alliance, he will know in advance. “Spider-Sense… tingling! I think Lonnie plans to vote against me at tribal council tonight!”

I don’t think the Spider-Sense works that way.

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mygif

The problem with paid TV appearances as Spiderman, is the IRS. The TV people have to pay the taxable share to the government, and that involves names, SSNs, and the like

Spider Man just needs to set up a TaxID or incorporate himself under his alias. Then the money goes to a legitimate account and so long as all the taxes get paid, the IRS is happy.

Besides, doesn’t Spidey have the inside track with freak’n SHIELD? I can’t help but think a guy with friends that operate a giant flying Super Pentagon might be able to swing him a few tax breaks or at least cover him with a pension or something.

Hell, if he really really needed money he could probably just get away doing odd jobs for Mr. Fantastic. They’ve got their own freak’n tower and although regularly swing between obscene wealth and near bankruptcy, they only get as broke as Donald Trump ever does in a down market.

Not to mention Tony Stark and Captain America and… Spidey has some loaded friends. He really doesn’t have an excuse.

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HammerHeart said on August 19th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

Not to mention his goddamn webfluid, which should have made Peter a billionaire before he had even left high school.

The excuse that selling the formula would hurt his superheroic career doesn’t hold water; there’s no reason why he couldn’t still use the webfluid after selling the formula (hell, he could include a contractual clause allowing Spider-Man to continue using the formula, and maybe even earn extra money by having Spidey advertise the product officially).

And frankly, even if he refused to sell the formula, some enterprising chemical company should have scooped up some remains of Spidey’s webbing and reverse-engineered it by now.

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mygif

Seriously, Peter on Survivor on an island that turns out to be a Hydra Base is way better than most of the stuff coming out of the current run, which got pretty dull after the novelty wore off.

–d

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mygif

zifnab, SHIELD is currently run by his arch nemesis.

Also, One More Day eliminated Tony Stark knowing who he is. And given the clusterfuck that happened last time, I don’t think he’s going to risk letting Stark know that information again. Hell, even Daredevil told him not to re-reveal his identity to him after what happened to him.

Oh, and Cap is dead.

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malakim2099 said on August 19th, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Oh, and Cap is dead.

Lies! He was shot with TIME BULLETS!!!

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DistantFred said on August 19th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

Zifnab- I think a more important issue is that SHIELD probably owes Peter a boatload of pension/life insurance money over his parents death.

Unless Uncle Ben learned his OWN lesson about Great Power and Great Responsibility playing baccarat in Atlantic City.

Captain America is a bad example of a ‘loaded friend’ of Spider-Man’s. The old one was far from rich and worked any job the writers felt like giving him at the moment, and the new one has been legally dead for sixty years.

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mygif

I always figured Peter never used his powers to make lots of money due to guilt over Uncle Ben’s death.
When he’s selfish and not using his powers for others, people suffer.
Peter seems pretty resigned to a hard life, because of that.

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mygif

kris: He gave Stark an obvious hint in Invincible Iron-Man #7. Of course, Tony’s been slowly losing his mind since then, so whether that will take remains to be seen. (I mean deleting his mental capacity, not going insane.)

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mygif

Hammerheart –

He tried that already – a company went apeshit and drew up a nice contract for him, then withdrew from negotiations when they found out it dissolves in an hour.

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Sofa King said on August 19th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

That should make the contract even plumper-it would increase the value. And Clark Kent does the same damn thing interviewing Superman, so ti’s not like there’s no precedent or anything.

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HammerHeart said on August 19th, 2009 at 3:45 pm

“Hammerheart –

He tried that already – a company went apeshit and drew up a nice contract for him, then withdrew from negotiations when they found out it dissolves in an hour.”

Ah, well. I’d have thought that an adhesive that can withstand the weight of several people, even for a limited period, would still be marketable or at least useful for someone, but what the hell do I know about the adhesive industry?

It still makes no sense that someone who’s good enough at chemistry to create something like that wouldn’t be able to get a job in research somewhere. Hell, if nothing else Peter could be Reed Richards’ intern. That way Reed could delegate some stuff and have more time for Sue and the kids!

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mygif

Peter got a job as a research scientist during the Mackie/Byrne relaunch of ’99, but he got fired because he was always missing work to fight the Sandman and whatnot, but to his boss it just looked like he was constantly blowing off his job.

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mygif

Maybe if Cable sponsored the reality show? Doesn’t he have a tropical island somewhere?

(does search)

They blew it up! DAMN YOOOU ALLL TO HELLLLL

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Fred Davis said on August 19th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

He didn’t get rich off his webfluid originally because it eventually loses its stickiness, and postit notes made out of heavy lead sheets weren’t in vogue back then.

He then worked on a better formula that DIDN’T dissolve and he couldn’t accept the money for it without revealing his identity.

And then he and MJ moved in together, and her modelling income and his income from the bugle were enough to live quite comfortably, so the point became moot.

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mygif

Kyle W.
“Of course, Tony’s been slowly losing his mind since then, so whether that will take remains to be seen. (I mean deleting his mental capacity, not going insane.)”

Wait. So Tony’s drinking again?

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mygif

Also, One More Day eliminated Tony Stark knowing who he is. And given the clusterfuck that happened last time, I don’t think he’s going to risk letting Stark know that information again. Hell, even Daredevil told him not to re-reveal his identity to him after what happened to him.

Oh, and Cap is dead.

Fair enough. But at any given time, half the Avengers are millionaires. And then you’ve got the X-men and F4 and Heroes for Hire and Dr Strange and on and on… all of whom Spidey has been on good friends with at one point or another.

It just seems like someone could help a Spidey out with a cup of money.

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mygif

That way Reed could delegate some stuff and have more time for Sue and the kids!

I don’t know how to break this to you, so I’ll put it as gently as I can.

Reed Richards a terrible father. Seriously, they accidentally let their kid get sucked into hell.

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equinox216 said on August 19th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

Hammerheart: I know, right? Yeah, because police forces wouldn’t want one of the nonlethal weapon Grails dropped in their laps. Shit, Paste Pot Pete could just hang up the ol’, uh, paste pot and retire after patenting the delivery device and formula.

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mygif

Reed Richards a terrible father. Seriously, they accidentally let their kid get sucked into hell.

I think science will prove that that’s the best way to bring up a child.

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mygif

I just think it’s so adorable that everyone’s wondering what kinds of uses there might be for an adhesive that’s practically unbreakable, can be shaped into any number of forms, and dissolves on its own after about an hour or so…

And nobody’s given any thought to the multi-billion dollar adult toy industry. “Bondage in a Can! Just spray, and they’ll stay! Dissolves on its own! Perfect for self-bondage play!”

If Pete didn’t have to worry about keeping his comic’s PG rating, he could solve all his money problems in about five minutes.

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mygif

Paid TV appearances? I thought that was how he started… he was on TV, demonstrating his webshooters and strength and agility and that was when he decided to not bother to stop the guy who shot Uncle Ben.

And yeah, you could sell webshooters to every police force in the world who don’t want to just shoot people. Is possible someone could suffocate (either webbing across face or under people webbed into position) or there is one person in a million or billion that is allergic but still nicer than water cannon and baton rounds and a truncheon in the head.

And I am pretty sure they are developing sticky-foam guns.

Hmm… I wonder if a large webshooter would have any uses. If a mass of webbing would be useful as a non-lethal weapon against anything…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8200840.stm

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candlejack said on August 20th, 2009 at 1:13 am

Zifnab, this might sound harsh, but nothing kills a friendship faster than endless mooching. Plus? I’m pretty sure he’s never thought to ask if another hero could float him a loan. I mean, it’s not like most of them socialize, outside of team-ups.

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mygif

Didn’t Parker intern for Richards in Human Torch Spider-man “I’m with Stupid”?

Something went wrong, I’m sure.

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mygif

So I guess this goes back to the old question..

Why does Spider-Man have a secret identity in the first place? Who is he protecting? His greatest nemeses already know it and use it to their fullest extent. And those who Parker would like to think he’s protecting by keeping it a secret are routinely put in harm’s way regardless.

The only thing worse than an unexplainable character trait brought about by editor’s fiat is the character trait that has been around since the conception of the character but has no real purpose.

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Lister Sage said on August 20th, 2009 at 8:15 am

Zifnab: Reed truly is the worst father, short of actually, purposefully abusing his kids, you can possibly get. Take the Dark Reign: FF comic: Reed sends their mother, uncle and god-uncle through a portal to different realites and the kids have to deal with Norman and Venom alone. You know Norman “I dropped Gwen Stacy off a bridge and I’m proud of it” Osboure and Venom; Mr. “I’ll eat your brains.” If not for the fact that their parents subject them to weird shit all the time they’d be dead.

The very best interpretation of Reed Richards is Dr. Impossible from The Venture Bros. Dismisses his wife and son (granted its not his, but I get the feeling he doesn’t know) and when directly asked what’s more important science or family he answers science. And while Reed would say family, I know he’s full of shit as his complete willingness to put them in danger proves.

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mygif

Yeah, but at some point, don’t you have to say “it’s superhero comics” about some of this stuff and be done with it? Reed shouldn’t even keep his kids in the Baxter Building, but it makes for good stories. Paste Pot Pete and essentially every Flash villain would make a lot more money patenting their science-crime weapons (and there’s got to be some practical application for guys like Electro and Sandman) but then superheroes wouldn’t have anyone to fight except heroin addicts. Anytime Spider-Man thinks he might even be slightly outclassed, he should just call his Avengers buds to overpower the bad guys. And everyone in the Marvel Universe should have a flying car, unstable molecule clothes, and Hank Pym’s $20 instant cancer cure.

Nothing about superheroes makes any sense if you think about it like an adult.

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mygif

Besides, what about Crimestoppers? Anonymous payouts = 0 taxes. He’s already leaving the baddies tied up for the cops anyways.

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Sofa King said on August 20th, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Which probably doesn’t stand up in court too well, btw.

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mygif

I’m guessing a world with superheroes doesn’t pay out for crimestoppers.

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Lister Sage said on August 20th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Justin Zyduck: Your right about Reed. Child Services should have removed Franklin and Valeria has soon as they were out of the womb.

As far as villians patenting their weapons for profit, that might not work as an idea. I had a woman in one of my history classes claim that her mother invented the glue used in Post-it notes and that all she ever got for it was one dollar. Plus a company could buy your patent, make changes to it, then patent their new version taking all the profit. Or if a villian sells their weapon idea for profit who’s to say how much they would get? Plus there are a few villians who’s history is “Got fucked on a business deal. Started a life of crime.” Plus, plus, lots of people don’t want to hire ex-cons for anything, so once you get out the odds of finding honest work become harder.

For heroes it would be easier. In fact I thought that the reason that Richard’s has money is because he did have patents on a few things. I’d say the reason a good number of reasons some heroes don’t market their inventions is protective, Iron Man for example, Armor Wars in particular. The Black Panther is another example of a hero with vast technology, but doesn’t want to spread it around to much. Plus theirs the general distrust of anyone who wears a mask in the Marvel U. Why should you trust that the guy in the mask has a cure for cancer if you don’t know who he is? It might be some mass experiment were you end up growing a new set of arms.

Granted, some of these excuses are way out there, but as you said “superhero comics”.

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mygif

It’s “great responsibility,” not “total honesty.”

I would love for this line to appear in a comic.

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mygif

Has there ever been a comic wherein Spidey feels tempted to dress up like Electro (or whoever) and rob a bank?

The money is insured, after all.

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tranz2deep said on August 21st, 2009 at 7:02 am

Peter Parker is poor because he is literally set up to be.

Mephisto has NEVER let up on him, and has had a special interest–never a good thing–since beings like Doctor Stephen Strange, Adam Warlock, and Captain Universe had seen fit to share power with the Spider-man.

You have to wonder how many of those were also retconned by Mephisto.

That was the deal, you know. A literal, canonical, universe effecting RETCON, just like Wanda with House of M and then the Great Depowering.

The bottom line is that Peter Parker, seeking fame and cash, lost track of what was important, years and years ago.

His uncle, Ben Parker, DIED as a direct consequence. Parker’s been his own punching bag ever since, and he will be for life.

But he’s never been tempted very seriously to rob while in his right mind. it’d be spitting on Ben’s grave for him to do so.

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Deacon Blues said on August 21st, 2009 at 12:54 pm

CPS did come visit the Richards family once, with the intent of removing the children from Reed and Sue’s custody; however, after an attack from one or another of the FF’s nemeses, the social worker came to conclude that the children will always be targets for their parents’ enemies, and no one else on the planet could protect them as effectively.

Since the Retcon, Peter has never lived with MJ (although a recent issue of Amazing Spider-Man hinted that she somehow still remembers his secret ID), so that motivation for not patenting his formula falls apart. In fact, it has been mentioned that his professors at Empire State U. have noted his brilliance and essential intellectual laziness – so it wouldn’t really be that unbelievable for him to claim that he scored some webbing after a photo shoot, reverse-engineered it, and designed a deployment mechanism, and hey NYPD, here’s a nonlethal ranged weapon for you, at half-price because I like your face!

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mygif

LOL

(Via Scalzi)

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Mary Warner said on August 26th, 2009 at 2:19 am

Obviously, Deacon Blues hasn’t read every issue since One More Day. Peter DID live with Mary Jane, they just weren’t married. And in answer to Zenrage, Spidey’s greatest nemeses no longer know his identity, not even Norman Osbourn or either of the Venoms. But they still haven’t explained how Peter got everybody to forget. That sort of thing is not something he’s normally capable of. It sounds like something the Sentry might do, but I don’t know if the Sentry is aware of how he erases people’s memories, not to mention physical records.

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