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mygif

Loved it.

Loved.

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jonnywarlock said on December 10th, 2009 at 9:19 am

*blissful sigh*

You had me at “maybe they capture a bunch of whales. And then, they put the whales on their team as goalkeepers. They get two defensemen to swab down the whale with water and feed the whales buckets of mackerel.”

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Too bad they are in the same draw as Brazil, Portugal and Northern Irish. Their insane antics will set themselves for disappointment, when the Irish go and one up them.

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So it’s a good year for Brazilians.

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Every year is a good year for Brazilians when you’re talking about football.
Damn Brazilians and their well oiled perfectly balanced team of stars…
*Is in no way bitter about his own country’s team which SHOULD be awesome but is SUCKING ass, fucking Messi playing as a living god except when he has the Argentinian shirt on*

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mygif

Proof that Flapjacks knows dick about football: He didn’t make a single joke about the French cheating.

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The only problem with the North Koreans bribing Ivory Coast is that the North Koreans don’t have any money either.

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Plus, who is he bribing, the team? They have Droba on it, im sure he makes enough a week to buy North Korea. But im always for articles about the world cup with whales that dont mention England and penalties.

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mygif

North Korea won’t need to resort to anything quite as baroque as that. Every match will be single-handedly won by Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il himself. After all, it was he who invented football, on the slopes of Mt. Paektu, beneath twin stars and a rainbow.

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mygif

Normal human words can’t express the perfection here. So I’ll let the whales speak for me:

Aaaaaawwwwwwooooooorrrrroooooooooaaaaaawwwwwooooooa

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“Then Portugal threatens to sue FIFA, and they go to court, and Portugal’s lawyer at a key moment clutches his knee and falls down to the courtroom floor and starts rolling around in agony.”

HAHAHA. Flapjacks knows more about football than he lets on.

But yeah, Christiano Ronaldo is a pussy, and I hope he Brazil and Ivory Coast kick the ever living crap out of him.

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mygif

great.

now i’m gonna have that korean national anthem in my head all day long.

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the South Koreans are the Germans of Asia and everybody knows it

Bull. Everyone knows the Japanese are the Germans of Asia.

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mygif

As a proud American, I have to ask “When did Brazil get a football team?”
Or North Korea?
Or Ireland?
Or Portugal?

Do they have any wide receivers or running backs that are worth while?

Is this another attempt at a World Football League, with a group of players that are second string at best (except Kurt Warner)?

I mean I love me some football like the next guy but I really can’t stand the Canadian version with their three downs, 110 meter long 55 meter wide field and team in Saskatchewan. I mean nothing good comes from it (except Warren Moon and Doug Flutie.)

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New Zealand has qualified for the first time since 1982. The fact we are going to be massacred is of little consequence. We qualified!

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Mary Warner said on December 10th, 2009 at 10:29 pm

I have no interest in sports, but I might watch just to see this North Korean madness.

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This is the best post about the World Cup ever. I bet Italy could fake a broken leg right in front of the goal but they couldn’t get that penalty past THE WHALE!

Also, why does Brazil always randomly suck, then be awesome for five critical seconds, then suck again but too late, they’ve won?

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Lawnmower Boy said on December 11th, 2009 at 1:44 am

You can’t say that you play gridiron football if you allow four downs. It’s like pretending that slo-pitch is baseball.

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Flapjacks idealisation of Football would actually be interesting to watch.

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Brazil or Spain are my picks to go all the way. Argentina is the 3rd best placed. The Netherlands will underperform when it matters most (quaterfinals for them) France is a spent force and will have more of the neutrals against them. Italy (with their streetwise team) and England (with their ORDINARY TEAM) have the easiest draws by far (and bear in mind that England usually get the gift of having Andora and Lichtenstein in every qualifying round to qualify for every tournament they play). The fact that I only have a vague idea where these ‘countries’ are located should give you a fair idea of their football fame. I would have loved Portugal v England in the group stages, but pounds spent on beer talks…

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HammerHeart said on December 11th, 2009 at 10:59 am

North Korea will need a LOT of whales to qualify from a group that includes Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast (hailed as Africa’s strongest team), and from which only two teams will qualify. I just hope Kim Jong-Il doesn’t feed the Korean players to the whales after their inevitable elimination.

Loved the bit about the Portuguese lawyer clutching his knee and rolling on the floor in pain, though. 😀

And I believe the US team will qualify from their group. They won’t even need whales. But how far can they go? Physically the US team is like a cross between linebackers and wide-receivers with kicker skills, and if they really want to go all the way they should start wearing wrestlers’ makeup to terrify their opposition. At least they finally stopped trying to play like South Americans (they’re too big and muscular for that) and are now going for a cornfed variation of the German style, which suits them far better.

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mygif

You had me at “intercontinental ballistic corner-kicking technology.”

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Also, no. 1 reason this is going to be an awesome World Cup: unlike the Germany 2006 heat wave, it should be relatively nice during a South African winter. What does this mean? More goals! (Like the recent Euro Cup.) Also: SPAIN. And some interesting underdogs (go Slovakia, my Czech team surrogates!).

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mygif

We have a soccer team in the US? When did this happen?

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Long time ago. They used to be hilariously bad, all not able to volley the ball and unclear on the rules, they were like our wacky comic relief team whenever they made a cup. Sadly thats pretty much changed and now they mostly just play physical, if not very creative football and even win matches sometimes. Ruined a great tradition.

So you dont have to watch the world cup, you guys will probably struggle to make second in the group, go out in the second round. Spirited, but not really having the talent or depth, like the asian teams.

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This proves my theory that any sport can be livened up by the introduction of double agents to the defense strategy.

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Cookie, anything can be livened up by the introduction of double agents.

Cooking: who really knows who all those sous chefs on Iron Chef are working for? They could be trying to steal critical cuisine technology!

Lawsuits: maybe I’ve been watching too much Boston Legal, but who wouldn’t love to be in court some ordinary boring Tuesday only to have one of the lawyers pull off their costume and turn out to really be Alan Shore?

Shopping: associates from various stores trying to actually steal customers from each other. They’d need a lot of smoke pellets.

Breakfast: what better way to start the day than with a bagel and a little light espionage?

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“Bagel? *gasp* This isn’t a bagel! It’s bread in disguise!” (shrubbery)

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Evil Abraham Lincoln said on December 16th, 2009 at 12:49 am

Wow. Flapjacks is insane. And I like it!

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