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mygif

You’re B-level now?

/I keed I keed

Also, needs more El Tyrano Magnifico.

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mygif

Dude, you totally should have got Flapjacks to do a post about AXE. Or about Kick-Ass. Or Power Pack. Or all three. Really I just want more Flapjacks…

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lance lunchmeat said on April 20th, 2010 at 10:06 am

Power Pack? Lame. The cool kids read Sonic.

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hilzoy fangirl said on April 20th, 2010 at 11:09 am

I would gladly purchase shower gel that made me smell like El Tyrano Magnifico.

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mygif

This one time I got totally smashed and puked on a stormtrooper and got sent to the spice mines of Kessel. It was worth it.

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Illuyankas said on April 20th, 2010 at 11:15 am

“You’ve run this organisation right into the fucking ground, Hot Rod!”

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mygif

I just saw mention of El Tyrano Magnifico and I got excited. Then I reached the end and alas, no El Tyrano Magnifico.

I’m sad.

P.S. Please tell El Tyrano Magnifico I said hi.
P.S.S. And ask him if he wants to come to my birthday party.

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mygif

Kia Driveycar. Best model name I’ve seen in forever.

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mygif

El Tyrano Magnifico does not need AXE!

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mygif

Axe was the nasty stuff my college roommates use to spray on each other as a prank. One spritz made us all gag, so we had exactly one can, just for that purpose.

Then my brother got a giant box of Axe, and we had no idea how to handle it. One can was a way to mess with each other. 40 just seemed too cruel to be true.

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mygif

People my age will remember that, when they were teenagers, Old Spice was the scent of desperate boys trying to get laid

I remember Drakkar Noir being the miasma of choice.

Every story would have Stormtroopers in it.

This is, of course, completely untrue.

Some would have Batman.

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mygif

Doesn’t Axe know that you’re a grown-up? And that even grown-up douchebags wear stuff that smells nice from Abercrombie & Fitch, and only 12-year-old douchebags wear AXE, and since you are not 12-years-old or a douchebag, a basket of AXE is more of a threat than an incentive?

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malakim2099 said on April 20th, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Just watch out for the Muscle Milk ads.

“Yes, you are a total useless douche, but use our product and get studs/babes* draped all over you.”

* Depending on your preference.

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mygif

I still want to see a picture of Jughead eating a hamburger.

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mygif

I’ve always preferred “The Touch” over “Dare,” myself.

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mygif

The worst part is, the guy who sent you this is going to write up a vaguely worded report for his boss, who doesn’t really get this whole “interweb advertising” thing, or he’d be doing a rather more professional job of it himself.
He’ll say you ran a blog post due to their request (technically true) logging so many hits and cite the general site traffic level, and claim a success. He’ll probably get a bonus. And if you didn’t follow up about the cameras and the “gift” set, well, that’s really too bad, and entirely not his fault.

Oddly enough, Axe was on the news this morning. Seems Darwin Award wannabes everywhere have discovered the stuff is flammable when freshly applied and , well, Fire! Fire! FIRE!
It seems to be a minor Youtube sensation, at least until someone gets really hurt.

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mygif

I wear AXE occasionally, but only because the fiancee actually likes it.

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mygif

“AXE: By Douchebags, For Douchebags!”

I’ll add my voice to those Tyranitos crying for the return of El Tyrano Magnifico, who surely needs no scent beyond the musk of righteousness!

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mygif

Oddly enough, Axe was on the news this morning. Seems Darwin Award wannabes everywhere have discovered the stuff is flammable when freshly applied and , well, Fire! Fire! FIRE!
It seems to be a minor Youtube sensation, at least until someone gets really hurt.

They just learned that? I knew that in 1995! Great mosquito repellant.

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mygif

I kind of toned out after the Stan Bush song, because its hard to go back to talking about deodorant after hearing something so awesome.

But yeah, Axe. Definitely a product for douchebags. And yet, some girls do like it. Strange but true.

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mygif

Somehow, I don’t think you’re getting the camera.

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mygif

That whole thing just reminds me of something Joey Comeau wrote in one of his Overqualified letters:

“I send out application after application, looking for work in the marketing departments of big companies, and I don’t have the right degree. I don’t have enough experience. And then I sit in front of the TV and holy shit every commercial is so bland and toothless and ineffective. If these commercials are the product of those degrees and that experience, then I hope to fuck I never acquire them.”

I honestly have a hard time believing a prescient human being wrote those words in the E-mail and, having done so, expected that they would be effective.

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Benjamin said on April 20th, 2010 at 2:31 pm

And yet, you have posted an entry on your blog that mentions AXE 15 times. (Yes, I counted.)
Well played, AXE marketers, well played.

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Fred Davis said on April 20th, 2010 at 2:55 pm

This all makes a bit more sense once you understand that the french company that owns AXE and LYNX and ALLCAPSDOUCHEWASH and other such “grooming” products recently won legal ownership of, and the global rights to all incidents of, the concepts of misery, despair and skeeviness as part of an overarching marketing strategy that will link their artificial canned odours with such experiences and emotions.

Presumably the plan is to make it so that every single time you experience a moment of despair, misery or witness something really fucking skeevy, you’ll then be reminded of how much you’d rather have armpits that smell of the never changing stench of the latest AXE or LYNX or CAPSLOCKDOUCHEWASH rather than experiencing whatever major life crisis you are in fact going through, thereby turning despair itself into an advertisement for Le CAPSLOCKSTANK plc. Products.

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mygif

I’d try to be snarky, but right now I’m kind of awed by the sheer amount of funny in one post. Welcome back, MGK.

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mygif

My brother has said on more than one occasion that he has never met a woman he’d consider remotely dateable who wasn’t given a headache by AXE instantaneously.

Just thought that stood mentioning.

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Badficwriter said on April 20th, 2010 at 3:33 pm

Dear MGK

Please post more Power Pack.

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mygif

I recently saw an Axe product that alleged to be the “scent of rare leathers.” One can only hope that means it smells of Triceratops and Hippogriff.

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equinox216 said on April 20th, 2010 at 3:59 pm

When we went out shopping with such purchaseables in mind, my 12-year-old stepson stopped in front of the antiperspirants/emollients/condiments arrangement at the grocery store, and went “Hey! I want to get Axe!”.

My wife and I explained to him that their commercials were obnoxious, dumb, and horribly objectifying of women (which we then also explained; this is a kid who gets the concept, even if he still (*HILARIOUSLY*) calls it ‘being sextist’), and therefore he could get Axe only when we had fallen prey to the Ultimate Sanction, i.e., death, and he had clambered Gollum-like over our crumpled corpses to reach their product.

He said “Oh. … Okay.” and picked a different antiperspirant.

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mygif

Hey, not to mention the really complimentary commercials they put out — Women: They will uncontrollably throw themselves at you just because *you smell good.*

@david: Yeah, and some girls like douchebags. What’s your point?

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mygif

Ooooooh, AXE liiiiiiiikes you! I bet that marketing guy tells people that he totally has a client, but they wouldn’t know him, because the client’s in Canada.

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Badficwriter said on April 20th, 2010 at 5:30 pm

I used to hate AXE, til I realized it was a plot to make guys wash more often. Now if only somebody would just make a product line that had decapitated body parts and weapons on it, that’d be awesome.

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mygif

Data point: I would still read even if you stopped writing about comics. But then, I would wear AXE if I had reason to believe the girl I was pursuing liked the scent, so my opinion counts for little. (I even know that Tag smells better. THE SHAME)

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mygif

100% props for using Dare over The Touch.

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mygif
singular quartet said on April 20th, 2010 at 8:58 pm

I’d like to point out that my fiance does like the smell of axe, but that just means that *she* wears it, not me.

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Mary Warner said on April 20th, 2010 at 9:18 pm

When I was a teenager, the guys who were desperate to get laid wore Brut. It was ghastly. The first time I smelled a guy wearing Brut, I was really confused as to what he’d been doing that would make him smell like that. I thought maybe he’d had some kind of accident with cleaning fluids or something, and he didn’t have time to go home and wash it off. It never occured to me that someone would smell like that on purpose.

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mygif

Fun fact:

Axe was developed from chemical weapons the U.S. confiscated from Saddam Hussein.

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mygif

Wait, you DON’T want to hear about other people’s pukefests, then?

(Passive aggressive voice:) Well! I guess I won’t bother sending you that e-mail about what happened to me on opening day for The Corpse Bride, NOT THAT I MIND EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY WROTE IT AND IT’S RILLY RILLY FUNNY.

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mygif

@Gloria: No point really. Just sort of weird/gross is all.

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mygif

I’d suggest you reply and just include a link to this article to see if he replies asking where to send the bag of crap.

I’m sure he just got your address on a list that some intern handed him and likely has never read nor has any intention of visiting your site, so if you sent a link he might assume you posted without bothering to check, just to reach his quota of 25 packages sent out to various bloggers.

On the other hand once you acknowledge them, they’ll never leave you alone. Another lesson from internet dating.

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mygif

I use AXE deodorant just because Old Spice smells like my grandpa. And not the live one.

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mygif
Jeff Stolarcyk said on April 21st, 2010 at 1:08 pm

So, the big takeaway here is that you want all of us to know that Kia wanted to send you on a trip to Korea. Got it.

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mygif

Reading the request, I THINK they’re trying to define “power anthem” as “night you lost your cherry”. The “wild night that changed you”, where you partied [or other euphemism of your choice] so hard that you might need to clean up afterward…

So I don’t think they’re as confused about “power anthem” as they are about how to communicate.

Not that it excuses them their myriad other offenses, mind you.

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mygif

I automatically assume that anyone who says, “My fiancee/girlfriend like AXE/TAG,” that they have a real significant other the way *my* pet bear wouldn’t ever eat me.

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mygif

An anonymous female student at my University once took out an ad in the campus newspaper BEGGING the male student body to quit using AXE in the locker rooms and reeking up the kinesiology complex. I think the words “for the love of all that is good and holy” may have been used.

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Jackabug said on April 22nd, 2010 at 3:56 am

I hate it when marketing idiots decide words mean whatever they want them to mean.

I also hate AXE just based on their advertising. Next time I’m in a store that sells it, I’m going to make a point of finally finding out what it smells like, just so I can differentiate douchebags who smell disgusting because they voluntarily applied AXE to themselves from douchebags who smell disgusting for other reasons. Now I know to bring a barf-bag with me. (Now I also know why those “cleanup on aisle 5” announcements are for the HBC aisle so often.)

@Fred Davis: “ALLCAPSDOUCHEWASH” is genius, sir. Pure genius. Why isn’t there body wash that smells like *you*?

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mygif

Utter failure at marketing, or clever guerrilla ploy by AXE’s competitors?

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mygif

Damn you MGK! I have been totally ear-wormed by that song ever since I read this post.

*shakes fist at MGK*

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mygif

BAHAHA ALLCAPSDOUCHEWASH! I lol’ed! Also lol’ed at the opportunity to smell like ancient leathers such as Hippogryphs. Teehee. That said, AXE is an older product no? I remember the first smells not being horrible or having douchetastic commercials. It still gave me a headache (I’m allergic to almost all smells like that) but it didn’t smell asstastical. I agree it does now =/.

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