I’m sure that as comics fans, you’re bursting with anticipation to find out just what Geoff Johns has planned for the DC Universe after the “War of Light”. After all, those nine Corps didn’t go anywhere, and there’s plenty more potential stories out there! Well, you need wait no longer. I was recently invited to view a top-secret document that unveils the future of the emotional spectrum in the DC Universe after the “Brightest Day” ends next year!
As it turns out, plot-master extraordinaire Geoff Johns has already planted the clues in the existing books. You know how there are nine colors in the “emotional spectrum”, right? (Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet, Black, and White.) These correspond to the spectrum produced when you break up pure white light into a prism–the classic ROY G BIV effect. But modern scientists don’t recognize indigo as a distinct color within that spectrum! Everyone thought that was just an indulgence on Johns’ part, like continuing to list Pluto as a planet for aesthetic reasons, but the truth is far more shocking. The Green Lanterns (led by Hal Jordan, who is the smartest, fastest, strongest, and best-endowed of the entire Corps, according to the document) discover that there are actually dozens more “secondary colors” to the emotional spectrum, just like indigo! Each one corresponds to an emotion that is more specific than the primary spectrum, and has a very specific shade associated with it! (Thank goodness for modern comics coloring techniques. Back in the day, they just didn’t have the technology to render this stuff accurately.)
Some of the upcoming ring corps waiting to be discovered, according to Johns (there are actually going to be over two hundred new colors in the emotional spectrum, but I can’t list…or without the original document at hand, even remember all of them):
The Pink Lantern Corps: Pink corresponds to “joy” or “happiness” in the emotional spectrum, something sorely missing from the previous crossover. One of the big stories to come out of “The Greater Spectrum” will be an explanation of just how this emotion has been sealed away from the DC Universe over the last decade, and how DC reacts to it being freed.
Their oath: “In brightest day, in brightest night, let joy spread over all in sight; things aren’t that bad, they’re really great, so let’s go out and celebrate!”
The Brown Lantern Corps: This color represents “shame”, or “embarrassment”. Apparently, one of the big twists involved in the discovery of this Corps comes when Carol Ferris gets a look at herself in the mirror and sees just what she looks like wearing her Star Sapphire costume. “Oh my god!” she says. “Why didn’t anyone tell me I was dressed like this? I look like I should be dancing around a pole or serving drinks at ‘Hooters’! Oh, this is so humiliating.” It’s then that the Brown Lanterns make her an offer she can’t refuse…
Their oath: “In blushing day, concealing night, I wish I could escape all sight; the earth should open up a hole and then close up and eat me whole!”
The Aquamarine Lantern Corps: This color represents “intense competitiveness in what was supposed to be a friendly game”. In a shocking twist, it turns out that Guy Gardner’s been a member of this corps for years.
Their Oath: “That ball was out, I saw it land; that point was mine, this I demand! We’re keeping score, oh yes we are; and loser pays when at the bar!”
The Lavender Lantern Corps: This color represents “that feeling you get when you’re around someone that you’ve been friends with for years, but you’re not quite sure if it’s actually more than friendship or if it’s just your imagination, and you don’t want to ruin the friendship by asking, but you remember that time the two of you got drunk and made out, so maybe you should at least try for ‘friends with benefits’, but…it’s complicated, you know?”
Their Oath: “Um…yeah, that’s nice. Looks good on you. Say, do you know what we should do? Just hang out Sunday, just us two, and see what happens…or not, too!”
The Fuchsia Lantern Corps: Representing the emotion of “confusion over exactly how to spell ‘fuchsia'”, this corps is dedicated to making sure that everyone in the universe gets a helping hand from those who have been helped in the past!
Their Oath: “It’s F-U-S, no that’s not right, the S goes somewhere, is that right? That looks all wrong, this ain’t no breeze, I just can’t spell it, help me please!”
The Persimmon Lantern Corps: Secretly, the persimmon emotional color is one of the strongest forces in the universe; it represents “the last little surge of appetite you get when you think you’re full, but they wheel out the dessert cart and there’s one of your favorites out there”. Let’s just say that Hal’s going to have a hard time fitting back into that spandex after a fight with a Persimmon Lantern!
Their Oath: “Oh, no, I couldn’t, I’m too full; just half a slice then, almost null–is that a brownie that I spy? I’ll try that then, with pecan pie!”
The Taupe Lantern Corps: In a word, “pretension”. When an entire audience of a new avant-garde piece of performance art is empowered by the Taupe Lantern, Hal must endure endless lectures about where they are, as artists, and defeat them in their coffee-house lairs!
Their Oath: “It’s brilliant, love, so avant-garde; you’re brave and noble, it’s so hard/ to truly find someone who sees/ expressionistic forms in cheese!”
The Ivory Lantern Corps: Ivory, as it turns out, represents “the frustration you have when you can never quite get it to look the way it does in commercials or on the picture on the box or even the way it did when you bought the damned thing, no matter how many cleaning products you use”. It turns out to have a lot of untapped power for the citizens of Earth.
Their Oath: “I’ve scrubbed and scrubbed, all day and night, but perfect shine escapes my sight; let those who sold me OxyClean/ beware my anger, sharp and keen!”
The Cyan Lantern Corps: Cyan’s power, though brief, is quite strong; it’s “that vague feeling of uncertainty and trepidation you get after you order from the drive-in but before you actually start eating, when you don’t know if they made your order right or whether this is the day that the guy making it decides to spit on your burger”. (I’m not at liberty to divulge the story involved with this color, but let’s just say it involves Jon Stewart and an irate Wendy’s employee.)
Their Oath: “Did I say ‘plain’? Did I say ‘diet’? The only way to know is try it; I hope this time, they got it right; I’ve come back through three times tonight!”
The Beige Lantern Guys: Ironically, this color represents “apathy”, and as a result, there is no Corps as such. Getting them to participate in the final battle of the crossover could be Hal Jordan’s greatest challenge!
Their Oath: “In brightest day, in…you know what? Fuck it. Let’s just watch TV.”