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Savage Wombat said on November 30th, 2010 at 10:24 am

Why in god’s name haven’t you been hired by somebody yet? Are they afraid of decent story ideas?

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Patrick Rawley said on November 30th, 2010 at 12:16 pm

The Lone Ranger is NOT corny and his original origin is perfectly serviceable. The Dynamite Comics series was actually quite good and offered a decompressed version of the origin and it worked. (It also made Butch Cavendish a bad-ass.)

That said, I liked your take on it. It could work. They’ll never do it, though.

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… And now for some reason I see Chris Pine as the 2nd Ranger.

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Sounds like you’re quite familiar with the period. Any good recommendations for reading about it?

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Candlejack said on November 30th, 2010 at 1:24 pm

I’d watch this, but I’d rather not watch it with Johnny Depp. Don’t get me wrong, I like Depp. But I’ve already seen Dead Man, and any standard western with Depp will just remind me I could be watching that instead.

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I would see the movie made from your plot summary many, many times. Seriously, that’s the sort of story I’m dying to see.

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Remember, his great-nephew is the Green Hornet. Who also has an interesting sidekick. It already runs in the family. :-)

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Sounds like you’re quite familiar with the period. Any good recommendations for reading about it?

Empire of the Summer Moon: Quanah Parker and the Rise and Fall of the Comanches by S.C. Gwynne. It’s about the Comanche rather than the Apache, but if you’re looking for one book that will give you a good feeling for the decline of the great Indian nations, I vote this one.

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I would arrange for the premier of this movie to be in a high mountain valley of the Rio Grand National Forest, with the film projected against the sheer cliff face of the northern end of the hidden canyon. A waterfall would mist gently down the vertical cliff face to a rough camp set up at the base, where attendees would be required to arrive on horseback, wearing black masks to hide their identity. A 40 piece orchestra seated precariously on a narrow trail above the camp would serenade them with the William Tell Overture, while chunks of venison turned on the spits over the fires burning brightly under a carpet of a thousand stars, and patrons passed around stone gallon jugs of smooth rye whiskey. Tickets would be awarded via a selection process of awesome comments left on a few select blogs.

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Holy crap I would watch the hell out of that.

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“…but with the Power that very few Apache have, to leave no tracks and know men’s thoughts”

And also to say wise things and care for the environment and cry whenever somebody litters.

And nurse Kevin Costner back to health.

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And also to say wise things and care for the environment and cry whenever somebody litters.
And nurse Kevin Costner back to health.

I know “the Power” sounds odd, but that’s what the Apache called it. They all believed Geronimo had it, and that because of it he was also unkillable by bullets and had telekinetic powers.

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Mark Temporis said on November 30th, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Hell, bulletproof telekinetic Geronimo sounds like a pretty good movie too. X-Men: Wild West?

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Oh yes, I’d watch the hell out of that.

The thing is, I don’t think the Lone Ranger concept is hokey or corny. I think that past execution of it strikes people that way.

Let’s be honest: any Lone Ranger remake is not going to have:

* a matching powder blue top and pants ensemble.

* a domino mask

* a literally white hat

* “Hi-yo Silver, away!”

It’s just not. You can’t do that today unless it’s a comedy. Those things ARE corny. If you were in a certain mood they could be the good kind of kitschy, but not for a serious movie.

I don’t see why anyone would imagine a 21st century movie remake would contain any of those elements, though. What you’re left with really is just the character concept, and most likely, a more or less “accurate” treatment of the West (at least in comparison with a 50s television treatment).

It could still be astonishingly bad. Depends on the treatment. As your outline here shows, there are ways to do it well. (I highly doubt that the Hollywood answer will be nearly as interesting as your suggestion, though.) Then it will depend on casting and on decisions made about certain details (look and feel, and so on.)

Let me be clear: Depp is the wrongest of wrong choices for Tonto. Any modern production of the Lone Ranger needs, IMO, to be aware that the original is racially problematic, and it needs to at least be trying, with that awareness, to do better. Casting a white guy (I don’t care how far back he’s supposed to have some drop of Cherokee in him) would NOT be a step in the right direction.

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Cleofis Randolph said on November 30th, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I am totally stoked to see The Lone Ranger make a comeback, and that “going to the Mask Of Zorro well” as you put it is an excellent idea. It’s kind of funny, I’d been thinking idly about what a Lone Ranger movie made today might look like, so this is an oddly coincidental post.

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That’s better than any Lone Ranger movie Hollywood is going to cram down our collective throat. Too bad they won’t make it. Since Hollywood is going the whole Yellowface/Last Airbender route, that movie and Johnny Depp can go to hell. You should write your script or better yet as a novel just to show all those dumbasses how it’s done… properly!

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Will it have explosions? Maybe the Lone ranger can have like explosing silver bullets that slow down time so we can see the silver shrapnel.

And Tonto can have dynamite arrows.

And they can fight a giant steampunk spider!

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Yes I’d see your idea. But by sharing your awesome thoughts you’ve only doomed me to greater disappointment when the inevitably mediocre movie is finally released.

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The Lone Ranger is a guy in a mask who protects the innocent. If people on the internet find that corny, then I officially don’t know what people on the internet like anymore.

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The reason many poo-poo The Lone Ranger is the 1980s movie, and THAT isn’t because the movie was good OR bad. It’s because at the time, the studio that had the rights to LR had an injunction against Clayton Moore (1950s LR) from wearing his mask in public. Yes, HIS mask – he’s actor most known for the role, and he would often appear at events espousing the “Lone Ranger Code” to kids. Yea, corny – put a generation grew up with it.

When the 80′s movie tanked BADLY because of the negative publicity, they quietly let Mr. Moore wear the mask again, and the “unknown actor cast as The Lone Ranger!” seems to have left acting altogether.

As for Johnny Depp, I’d rather see him cast AS The Lone Ranger. (But they don’t ask me these things…)

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Ian Osmond said on November 30th, 2010 at 8:56 pm

I wrote a Lone Ranger fanfic a couple months back, actually. My goal was to see if I couldn’t create a take on the LR which could pass the Bechdell Test.

Annoyingly, my fanfic doesn’t, but, oh, well. I’m still rather proud of it.

http://xiphias.livejournal.com/579282.html

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Rangers are not exclusive to Texas; each state or territory had them or the equivalent. There were Arizona Rangers and Oklahoma Rangers.

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What are the chances of the trailer including some comic relief guy saying “If you’re the Lone Ranger, why are there two of you?” and then the music drops, and there’s a brief shot of LR and Tonto looking at each other in classic “whomp-wooowwww” fashion?

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Dr. Creaux said on December 1st, 2010 at 9:44 am

[i]Let me be clear: Depp is the wrongest of wrong choices for Tonto. [/i]

Oh, I don’t know. I can thing of wronger choices than that. Off the top of my head:

Jack Black
Micheal Cera
Carrot Top
Rosie O’Donnell
Johnny Weir

DC

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Okay, the wrongest of any choices likely to actually happen.

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Jason Barnett said on December 1st, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Brian G: and the response should be “Does he look like a Ranger to you?” while pointing to Tonto.

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Simon Jones said on December 1st, 2010 at 6:40 pm

The Lone Ranger’s mask is badass.

It’s made from the clothes his murdered brother.

The eyeholes are from the bullets that killed him.

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I didn’t know that about the mask. Very cool.
I like MGK’s concept, even though I have a reflexive flinch at any “Look, a white man who fulfils our ancient native prophesies!” concept. But at least Tonto gets to fulfil half of it.

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Sean D. Martin said on December 1st, 2010 at 8:41 pm

>> that “going to the Mask Of Zorro well” as you put it is an excellent idea

Indeed. And part of that well would include stoking up the action at the right spots. Opening scene action. Alejandro gets his horse. Zorro vs Elena. The horse chase. Zorro at the villa. And, of course, the final dual duel.

The movie got some criticism for being over 2 hours but, really, how would you notice?

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Sean D. Martin said on December 1st, 2010 at 8:42 pm

>>It’s made from the clothes his murdered brother.

>>The eyeholes are from the bullets that killed him.

Dang. Didn’t know that. Badass indeed.

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Sean D. Martin said on December 1st, 2010 at 8:46 pm

Let’s be honest: any Lone Ranger remake is not going to have:
* a matching powder blue top and pants ensemble.
* a domino mask
* a literally white hat
* “Hi-yo Silver, away!”

I’ll give you the powder blue. But if it’s not going to have the mask, the silver bullets, a horse named Silver, then it isn’t The Lone Ranger.

It’d be just another “why did you bother?” from the ilk that wanted The Flash TV series to feature a lawyer who wore a track suit.

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or the lame Phantom show

aren’t silver bullets for killing vampires?

and damn i would watch this movie

you know what was cool? Sam Elliot as the old Western Ghost Rider in Ghost Rider. bring that back

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highlyverbal said on December 2nd, 2010 at 6:45 am

I would watch the heck out of Rosie O’Donnell as Tonto. That alone would be worth the price of admission.

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versasovantare said on December 3rd, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Huh, MGK’s take on how Tonto and the Lone Ranger met seems fairly reminiscent of the Lone Ranger-esque figure’s origin in Planetary.

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