You mean that Glenn Beck is real? I thought the Onion made him up.
You’re talking to the wind, Chris. But this is a kick ass map nonetheless.
Wait, what did he say now? I stopped paying attention.
Simo Häyhä still needs an action movie made about his exploits.
I can’t believe I watched that entire idiotic clip. Is Beck trying to frighten people into mass suicide?
Oh wait, he’s probably just trying to frighten them into xenophobia and adopting his crazy hardline stance against the rest of the world.
Awesome work here, sir.
I just watched the Glen Beck clip. Is that man completely and utterly insane? Or does he merely earn a living talking to insane people?
Is he seriously thinking that France, Spain and Italy are about to become part of a Grand Caliphat? Is he seriously comparing what’s happening in London to the million people demonstrating in Cairo? Does he seriously think that Europe is about to fall into a civil war, leaving it open for Russian conquest?
The above are actually genuine questions. I’ve never watched Glen Beck before, being from a country blessed with not having Fox News.
In all fairness (and speaking as an Alaskan), almost ANYBODY would put up less of a fight against the Russians than the Finns. I mean, DAMN.
So there’s that.
Yeah, that man was amazing. Spartakos, do yourself a favor and look up the guy That Guy mentions (I’d write his name m’self but my computer isn’t having any Umlaut nonsense, apparently). Greatest killer on record.
Damnit, you’re asking me to watch Glen Beck. In the interest of me not having a stroke from pure rage, can someone supply a cliff notes version of whatever he was spewing?
I agree with Josh. Can someone sum up the stupid for us, so we don’t have to endure direct contact?
I will give you the Cliff notes version, because it really, really, really is unhinging to watch Glen Beck’s drivel.
In short: Egypt will go the way of Iran, just with Sunnis instead of Shias. So will the rest, or at least a large part of, the Sunni world. Meanwhile, the Muslims of Europe, particularly those of the mediterranean countries, will revolt, introducing a Grand Califate consisting of the North African countries, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, France, Italy and Spain. This is part of a Islamist/Marxist conspiracy. The Russians will grab the opportunity to invade Europe, while the Chinese will grab Pakistan and Afghanistan.
DISCLAIMER: The above drivel is not mine, but Glen Beck’s. I am referring what he says, not in any way agreeing or condoning his ravings. Nonetheless, even reading this shortened version is liable to make you more stupid.
@Heksefatter: Yes, Beck earns a living pandering to crazy people. It’s all a completely cynical act, he doesn’t believe a word that he’s spewing. You can tell from the kindergarten-teacher tone he adopts. Well, that and the fact that he only started spouting this crap when he moved to Fox from CNN.
Long Shorter version of that Video:
Basically Egypt is on the verge of being ruled by a tricameral quasi-democratic/oligarhy/theojudiciary system of government, and then Egypt is going to invade Iraq so as to create a new persian empire, and then come into conflict with Hezbullah’s invasion of Israel through Iraq, as Hezbullah have secretly ruled Iran all along and will thus have to move their armies through iraq to reach israel.
Then the ousting of the government in Tunisia will lead to a coalition of the nations of serbia, austria, turkey and most of the middle east declaring war on Bosnia and Herzegovina, leading to russia declaring war on the coalition, leading to germany declaring war on russia, leading to france declaring war on germany and the coalition, leading to italy declaring war on france and russia, leading to the UK, india, canada, australia, south africa, kenya, nigeria, the gambia, hong kong, pakistan and many many other countries, declaring war on italy and everyone other than france and russia.
Also: The current tunisia riots are the cause of last year’s anti-student-fee demonstrations in the UK. I can’t unpack what the fuck that is about because Beck has apparently already “told” us about that, and didn’t want to rehash it in that particular video.
And what does Brazil have to do with this?
I watched the first thirty seconds of it and then remembered why I can’t watch Beck. Every time he uses the word “progressives” while looking like he’s about to vomit it makes ME want to vomit.
Sorry the progressives robbed you of your chance to own slaves, Glenn.
Fred Davis: That sounds like the plot of the next Modern Warfare game if the writers were on an eight day drug binge.
The problems in France were about the Retirement Age being risen, right? How’s that connected to Muslims?
Oh, wait, this is Glen Beck. This is just crazy talk. Seriously, his rantings are like a homeless guy. “The Radical Islamists and Commies are working together to steal from my secret booze stash in my sock draw! It’s true, I tells ya!”
I never thought I’d miss the day when crazy Republicans would consign nutty ideas like that to plot outlines that they’d give to the likes of Harry Turtledove to ghostwrite into novels.
Beck considers himself an “entertainer”.
Basically, he’s doing a right-wing “parody” of Stephen Colbert, thereby causing Ouroboros to pull us all into a black hole of suck.
I made it through five minutes and had to stop watching. I don’t understand how anyone even watches him; I don’t even know what the fuck he’s TALKING about. Like…the talking, it is bad. I am so confused.
My reflex is mockery but then I remember that he is being listened to by MILLIONS and I get really panicky and scared.
If it’s any consolation, Beck’s ratings have apparently been in freefall for the last year. He’s lost almost half his (admittedly huge) audience.
You can only cry “ARMAGEDDON” so many times before people stop listening to you. Even the kinds of people who would listen to Beck.
All reich wing values are based on paranoia.
Glenn Beck’s paranoia just adds batshit insanity and jaw-dropping stupidity onto it.
It’s really not fair to compare anyone’s potential Russian resistance to the Finns, except for maybe that bear that served in the Polish army. That bear would kick Russia’s ass so hard.
I live in London, and I have absolutely no idea what riots he is talking about. I went to school with both Sunni and Shia Muslims. They conspicuously failed to kill each other for the whole six years.
Playing “Risk”, with Glenn Beck must be a living hell.
@ Heksefatter: The answer you seek is, “Yes.”
I like how he constantly rags on the “media”, apparently not noticing that he’s a part of it.
LOve the fact that at no point does he mentioned why Iran is sooooo angry at the U.S. For those who do not know google Operation Ajax, which is why the U.S. should not play with other people’s governments. And yes I am American, and even I admit it was a stupid move.
@ cubic_balloon: I don’t know, he writes a hell of a post-game summary, really gets into character and everything. What, you people thought he was commenting on recent events or something?
I’m always amazed at what people will believe. I managed to watch upwards of 30 minutes of it, and more than anything, it is simply bizarre. Spain and Portugal, flipping to a theocracy? Any European nation? Far-fetched does not begin to describe it.
Beck, Palin, Westboro….
Remember when your school teacher would tell you to ignore the jokers in your class because paying attention to them was “encouraging them”. Well watching Beck gives him attention, and attention (good or bad) makes him his money.
“But he’s saying something crazy and wrong!” And this is different from last year? Or the year before that? Or the year before that? (I don’t think anybody heard of Beck before Obama hit the stage, but Coulter was still around)
At this point I think Beck is right in that his shows do provide a certain form of entertainment. There’s a lot of people who hate everything he says, but can’t stop watching him. They must be getting something out of it? Maybe news commentary took a page from wrestling in a way, and Beck (along with a good chunk of Fox News) is a “heel”?
“Remember when your school teacher would tell you to ignore the jokers in your class because paying attention to them was ‘encouraging them’.”
Yeah, I remember that. I also remember that it didn’t fucking work. If what they did was no longer getting under your skin, they’d up the ante until it did. Ignoring them would only have worked if it made them forget that they’d ever gotten to you, or if you just preemptively ignored everyone so nobody could ever get to you.
“Well watching Beck gives him attention, and attention (good or bad) makes him his money.”
What money? He’s actually a net loss for Foxpac, but Murdoch continues to subsidize his sorry excuse for an ass.
Jake Stonebender, a much wiser and cooler man than I will ever be, once had this to say about television:
“It’s like China, Eddie. If you don’t pay attention to it, it just gets worse.”
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