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The Crazed Spruce said on January 27th, 2012 at 7:13 pm

ONLY two? I would’ve guessed ALL of ’em….

Off-hand, I’m guessing “Titanic: Adventures in the Third Dimension” and “Amazing: Rise of the Spider-King”. (With “The Avenged” and “Grimm’s Snow White” as possible runners-up.)

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I want “The Avenged” to be real, so therefore it can’t be. Ditto “Phantasmal Menace.” I’m going with “American G.I.: Retribution” and “Fury of the Titans.”

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Randomquest said on January 27th, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Well John, you might be in luck as they’re currently accepting pitches.

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Cookie McCool said on January 28th, 2012 at 9:30 am

I’m just saying, Antonio Sabato Jr looks like hell. As much as two million dollars isn’t near enough for the CGI he’d need alone. AND he probably demands to be paid in protein shakes, which probably aren’t that cheap. Might as well get Joe Cortes.

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Man, a LOT of these sound plausible for The Asylum. I’m gonna go with the two public domain ones, Prince of Mars and Grimm’s Snow White, but Fury of the Titans, The Avenged, American Battleship, Spider-King, Three Men in Black, and all the zombie-related titles could be real too.

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Candlejack said on January 28th, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I couldn’t help myself; I looked. I guessed one, but the other one just makes me look skyward screaming “Why?! WHY?!” Doesn’t the movie it’s knocking off look dumb enough already?

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Man, I would totally watch The Avenged.

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I would really like to see The Avenged. You know, assuming it was actually given a real treatment, because that sounds like a bitchin approach. any chance a frontline movie is on Marvel’s horizon?

And George Washington, Zombie Hunter sounds cool, because I assume George Washington would hunt zombies.

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Without looking, I’m going to guess Prince Of Mars and Fury Of The Titans. Now I’m going to go look.

Dang.

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I think you’ve stumbled onto Asylum’s secret, which is to make cheap movies w/such a mix-master of ingridients that you can slap any ol’ title on ’em so long as it sould like a current release.

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This is why Blockbuster Video stores went out of business. No one trusted the dvd titles anymore…

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Jim Caldwell said on January 29th, 2012 at 8:40 am

I know it’s way too dated a title for Asylum, but I saw “Three Men In Black” and my mind turned to their first go-rounds, “Three Men and a Black Baby” (starring Kel Mitchell) and “Three Men and a Little Black Lady” (starring Kel Mitchell and Lori Beth Denberg) wherein the three MIB try to integrate an alien academy.

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Movies like these were the bane of my existence at Blockbuster. You have NO idea how often some customer would come to me, angrily demanding to know why we ‘gave them the wrong movie’ because they got taken in by the title. It got to the point where I’d tell everyone who brought one up to make sure that was the film they wanted.

And for the record, there are still Blockbusters around. Not a lot of them, and I wouldn’t give them much lifespan at this point, but they’re around. Although it IS worth noting that the company publicly declared bankruptcy the day after my two weeks notice were up. I like to call that a personal victory.

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I guessed Prince of Mars (because I know for a fact that Princess of Mars is real — and damn, Traci Lords can still fill a metal bikini), and George Washington, Zombie Hunter.

Then I went to their website to check, and discovered your great omission.

2 Headed Shark Attack.

When a college educational ship is sunk by a mutated two-headed shark, the survivors escape to a deserted atoll. But when it starts flooding, the coeds are no longer safe from the double jaws of the monster.

Mutated. Two-headed. Shark.

Dude.

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They have an upcoming movie called Celebrity Sex Tape. Wow.

My guesses were Spectral Riders: Vengeful Spirit and Grimm’s Snow White, based on how they rip off almost every third rate superhero movie and the fact that there are 2 big budget Snow White movies this year.

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Paul Reaney said on January 30th, 2012 at 6:43 am

I was very excited by that list and then very sad reading that only 2 are real.
I would add my vote for the Avenged – that film surely must be made!

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I’m going to guess “The Chronicles”, and “Fallen Sky”. I went to the movie theater yesterday to see “Haywire”, and I’m 90 percent sure I remember the poster for “The Chronicles”. walked by the posters for those. However, “Fallen Sky” is just a guess; it seems like the least ridiculous option. Who knows, though.

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Oh, wait, “The Asylum” is a low-budget, direct-to-video, mockbuster production company? I missed that. I think I might have misunderstood the guessing game, then. Were we supposed to guess which of those were “serious” movies as opposed to Asylum titles, or which of them were movies at all as opposed to your invention, which was my understanding?

Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. My guess is the same either way. (Maybe I shouldn’t be that confident of my memory of the “The Chronicles” poster, but still.)

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William Kendall said on January 31st, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Oh, I’m falling about laughing!

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Okay, “Grimm’s Snow White” is one of the real ones, but what’s the other? All I see are two near misses: “George Washington, Zombie Hunter” (it’s actually “Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies”) and “American Battleship” (really “American Warships”).

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Never mind — I just checked what the Wikipedia article looked like when this was originally posted, and “American Battleship” was on the list. Maybe it was a working title.

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