“Watch me win at pixie shuffleboard AND digitally stimulate Grundy, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! …WEATHERBEE!!!”
King me, Hawking!
That’ll put marzipan on your pie plate, bingo!
It may look like a mere disk, Grundy, but this is a high yield explosive, and if you watch as I slide it under that Andrews motherfucker’s car, I can detonate it when that assfuck gets in with his friends after class. Then we’ll be rid of that jerkoff dumb fuck once and for all! Hah hah hah hah!
Come on seven! Daddy needs to stay in Vegas away from those brats.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my old age, Andrews… when you get to be a bastard, SAVOR IT.
I’ll just attach one of my handy-dandy weather-tracers to Andrews, then use my weather-sense to track him to his secret hideout!
“CALL ME IMPULSE!”
(My apologies to John Seavey)
Ha ha! I win again, Olive! Did you see? Did you see?….Oh it’s no use, this isn’t the same. Since Popeye died I’ve lost interest, I’ve let myself go. You had me lose the beard, wear suits… I can’t breathe woman! You’ve changed me! Meanwhile, look, you don’t even try to dress up, and you’re nowhere near as flexible. Popeye, Popeye! Why didn’t you eat the spinach when I threw those girders at you? Oh how I miss wrestling with you, our arms entwined. I realise now, it was you I loved! Popeye!!!!!
“You fell into my trap, Spider-Man! You came to rescue Aunt May, but now you face – SHOVE HA’PENNY!”
*insert joke involving Canadian curling and seeing anuses here*
“When Mister Weatherbee throws his mighty puck,
All those who oppose his puck won’t give a fuck.
If he’s led to a fight and a duel is due,
He won’t know quite what he should do.
When Mister Weatherbee throws his mighty puck.”
“And… THIS will win me the penny-pitching championship! That Grundy RealDoll is MINE!”
“To keep up with what you kids are into nowadays, the Riverdale High Board Game Club has made checkers EXTREME!”
“I wonder if MightyGodKing is ever gonna present more Legion or Doctor Strange plot suggestions?”
“Pogs will never die!”
If it lands heads up: Veronica
On its edge: Archie gets a magical sex change
Make fun of MY left armstub, will they?
“Escher Girls dot Tumblr dot Com dared me to top them. They don’t know Weatherbee.”
“I may be representing WOOSH at the Principal Pageant, but don’t think I let my hopscotch game get soft!”
Fuck you money!
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