JEFF (MY BROTHER): So I saw that you had good things to say about New Normal and Go On in your column this week.
ME: Well, sorta. They’re both uneven. Comedies generally don’t bust out of the gate on all cylinders, you know? Like, you can tell when a show is just going to suck, most of the time. But a comedy can have a mediocre pilot and then become really good.
JEFF: Like Men At Work.
ME: No, that one is just shitty.
JEFF: Are you sure? I mean, you just said all about how you can never tell. Maybe you’re getting elitist.
ME: I stand firm in my conviction that Breckin Meyer does not, as a rule, lead to good things.
JEFF: Who’s he?
ME: He’s that guy. Who’s in things.
JEFF: That’s not very specific.
ME: That’s the sort of actor he is.
JEFF: So he’s a character actor.
ME: Not really.
JEFF: But you said he’s that guy –
ME: I didn’t mean he’s a Hey-It’s-That-Guy guy. Because he’s not that guy. He’s just a guy who acts and writes.
JEFF: Has he done anything I might recognize?
ME: He was the guy who made Robot Chicken who was not Seth Green.
JEFF: I think you have to give him some credit for being involved with Robot Chicken. What else was he in?
ME: He’s in Franklin and Bash right now.
JEFF: Okay, I’m gonna iMDB him and see what’s what. Surely this guy has been in lots of stuff you like.
ME: Oh, sure he has.
JEFF: And I’m gonna – wait, what?
ME: Look, I’m not saying he is bad. He is there. Do you understand the difference?
JEFF: Look, he was in Josie and the Pussycats and Can’t Hardly Wait and Rat Race. You own all of those.
ME: You just listed two cameo roles and one where he’s part of a large ensemble cast that has John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson, Alfre Woodard and Jon Lovitz in it. Also, Seth Green is in all of those movies, so I think we have established a pattern now.
JEFF: Yeah, but Breckin Meyer didn’t ruin those movies, did he?
ME: No. In fact, he wasn’t even a negative. But you’re missing my point. I didn’t say “Breckin Meyer ruins things.” Because he doesn’t ruin things. I said “Breckin Meyer, as a rule, does not lead to good things.” That doesn’t mean he leads to bad things. Breckin Meyer is just sort of there. I think he played Jon in Garfield, which is the ultimate “just sort of there” role. I mean, at least when you play, say, Dave in Alvin and the Chipmunks, you get to shout at Alvin like you matter.
JEFF: I think this still seems terribly harsh. I mean, he did help create Robot Chicken.
ME: He’s also responsible for Inside Schwartz.
JEFF: Good point.
ME: Actually it isn’t exactly, because I don’t blame him for that show sucking because, again – just sort of there.
JEFF: I hope he doesn’t read your blog and get offended, seeing as how I am sure you will blog this.
ME: It’s my understanding that he has millions and millions of dollars, so presumably he has people to read blogs for him, and even if he stays true to his roots by reading blogs himself, he has millions of dollars so he can afford to not care what I think.
JEFF: True enough. I mean, I don’t have millions of dollars, but I don’t care what you think.
ME: Yeah, but you’re family.