As I’m sure you’re at least dimly aware if you read this blog, Marvel is…decidedly NOT rebooting the Marvel Universe! Because Marvel never does that! That’s the sort of thing DC does, heh heh heh. We’d never ever do a ‘Crisis’ style reboot, not when we can just mush all of the parallel universes together and then pull them apart into a new continuity! It’s totally not the same thing HEY LOOK A RARE THREE-BILLED WOODPECKER! **runs away**
(Or so I imagine Editor-in-Chief Axel Alonso saying.)
The point is, we’ve got a new Marvel Universe coming up, one which is totally going to make sense and be internally consistent and not be an attempt to bury any bad decisions they might have made under the rug, and I for one am looking forward to it! But as a fan, of course, I have a deeply-held sense of entitlement that must be catered to, and as such I have certain very particular expectations for the new Marvel Universe. I am setting down my demands now, with the implied threat that I will go on Internet message boards and declare for all to hear that the new comics “suck”. (This is not an idle threat, Marvel.) To wit:
1) Starlord needs to get his own pack of semi-tame velociraptors. Actually, come to think of it, while I’m not demanding that every Marvel character get their very own pack of semi-tame velociraptors, I wouldn’t say no to it.
2) New series: The Amazing Chipmunk Hunk. Additional new series: The Spectacular Chipmunk Hunk. Possible additional new series: Nuts of Chipmunk Hunk? (Maybe not that last one. We’ll discuss it.)
3) Bring back the Sentry. Then kill him off again, in an even more painful and ignominious fashion.
4) Bring back the Spider-Marriage. Then bring back Gwen Stacy and have her marry Peter too. Then have Betty Brant, Liz Allan, Felicia Hardy and Deb Whitman all marry him as well due to a series of wacky misunderstandings, turning the series into an anime-style harem comic.
5) Grumpy Old Wolverine should have a new series where he’s joined by an angel (not Warren Worthington, an actual angel) and they travel the American Heartland learning lessons about sharing and kindness.
6) A monthly comic that is entirely Kamala Khan’s illustrated fan-fiction about the Marvel Universe. Wouldn’t that be so awesomely meta that you’d freak?
7) Less Deadpool. Maybe knock it down to six, seven appearances a month, tops?
8) More alternate reality Gwen Stacies. In specific, I demand the Uncanny X-Gwen, the Gwenvengers, and Gwenpool. (She can be one of the six or seven.) Also, look into some sort of Spider-Gwen/Spider-Ham mashup? Just brainstorming here.
9) New series: ‘Shirtless Loki’. Not for me, but I know a few fans who’ve been asking for it.
Last but not least:
10) Look, would it kill ya to bring back US-1? I got a feeling that Citizens Band radio is coming back in a big way, here. Maybe include Razorback as a supporting character for added sizzle.