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Steven said on January 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm

“As I have said before about Dane Cook, I would give all my earthly possessions to kick Karl Rove repeatedly in the nuts until he was incapable of breeding.”

Wait, there’s a moment you’d stop kicking him in the nuts?

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MGK said on January 11th, 2008 at 12:54 pm

I always include that caveat so I can’t be accused of making death threats. I’m pretty sure it’s possible to nut-kick a person to death. Or at least so they wish they were dead.

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Will said on January 11th, 2008 at 1:16 pm

I think nut-kicking someone to death would be up there with getting gut-shot in the “overly long and painful ways to die” category

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malakim2099 said on January 11th, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Wait… the former demonic minion (former minion, that is, still demonic) of the Dubya is complaining about someone ELSE’s intellectual laziness???

Irony, thy name is Rove.

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Sage Freehaven said on January 11th, 2008 at 1:19 pm

Why doesn’t he just have a heart attack and leave the rest of the normal, free-thinking world in peace?

Fuck, where’s a Death Note when you need one…

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J. Bryan Shoup said on January 11th, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Meh. I thought reading racism into Rove’s essay was a bit of a stretch. I also think Clinton is more substantive than Obama by far.

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Nick Shogun said on January 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm

What’cho got against Dane Cook, now? Is it the absurdity or his choice of bad movie roles?

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MGK said on January 11th, 2008 at 2:25 pm

Personifying a person as “lazy,” because he speaks poorly? Trash-talking basketball player? That’s racial coding, pure and simple.

As for substance, Obama has more policy pages on his site than can be conveniently counted. Going to rhetoric was a calculated campaign decision with mixed success, and I’d like to see him speak more substantively on the campaign trail, but suggesting that he lacks substance is just… wrong.

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MGK said on January 11th, 2008 at 2:25 pm

What’cho got against Dane Cook, now?

It’s because he FUCKING SUCKS.

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Nick Shogun said on January 11th, 2008 at 2:28 pm

“When it comes to making the case against Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Obama comes across as a vitamin-starved Adlai Stevenson.”

Wow.

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Greg Morrow said on January 11th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

J. Bryan Shoup: I’m with MGK. It’s the usual Republican appeal-to-racism, standard since Nixon’s Southern Strategy, and codified in its present form by Reagan. It’s in code, so it’s not obvious unless you’ve learned the code, which is, of course, the point of using the code.

It’s frankly appalling that forty years after the civil rights movement, we still have rich white dickweeds reminding poor white trash that at least they ain’t … well, I don’t use that word, ever, but it starts with n. America should be better than that.

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Brad Reed said on January 11th, 2008 at 3:02 pm

The worst part about Rove is that, for all of his evil, he’s not interesting. You’d think such a vile man so ensconced in the halls of power would be a compelling Shakespearean villain, a hypnotic and conflicted demon made flesh. Instead, he’s just a soulless College Republican grown up, an empty striver, a sweaty car salesman in a cheap suit.

C’mon, Karl! Stretch yourself a little! Take that last step!

Hijack an airliner! Steal a nuclear weapon and threaten San Francisco with annihilation! Build an orbital death ray! Something!

If you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly.

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J. Bryan Shoup said on January 11th, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Morrow: by the by, I find the term “white trash” to be as offensive as the n word. Both are used to denigrate a generally-marginalized culture of folks with different economic opportunities than the elite. Maybe it’s cultural differences, but where I grew up, “white trash” was used by upper income folks of various races to dismiss lower income whites and to mock them. I think both terms are distasteful and evidence prejudices in many folks. I assume you were using it innocously, however.

Bird and sundry:

First off, be careful not to read too much into my words. I said “I also think Clinton is more substantive than Obama by far.” As a logic teacher talking to a lawyer, we both know that this doesn’t imply that Obama “lacks substance” anymore than saying “Michael Jordan is more athletic than the guys in my pick-up soccer group” implies that those footballers aren’t athletic. I was just saying that Clinton hits me as more substantive than Obama. I certainly think Obama has more substance than the majority of the Republican candidates.

Overall, I think Clinton has made her goals as our next president much clearer than Obama’s. I’m not saying there are things I don’t like about Obama, but Clinton, despite our differences, strikes me as more direct.

As for racism…

Rove said: Sen. Hillary Clinton won working-class neighborhoods and less-affluent rural areas. Sen. Barack Obama won the college towns and the gentrified neighborhoods of more affluent communities. Put another way, Mrs. Clinton won the beer drinkers, Mr. Obama the white wine crowd. And there are more beer drinkers than wine swillers in the Democratic Party.

That just doesn’t seem like “He’s a black stereotype” playing, when Rove associates Clinton with the working class and less-affluent rural areas, where generally people mentally place America’s black population. Furthermore, in this paragraph, Rove associates Obama with the “white wine crowd.” Does that sound like associating him with racial stereotypes?

I greatly dislike Rove, mainly because I think he needs to be investigated as a criminal. I just think you’re reading too much into his words.

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MDK said on January 11th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

It’s my opinion that Rove isn’t remotely racist, he’s way too jaded and soulless to let a little something like skin colour inform his venom. He’s speaking coded racism TO racists in order to achieve his goals.

This is the kind of guy who’d solve the third world food crisis with Soylent Homeless.

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Steven said on January 11th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

“be careful not to read too much into my words”

Man, that phrase ought to be bronzed in the Internet Troll hall of fame.

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Greg Morrow said on January 11th, 2008 at 4:59 pm

JBS: You are not the first person to complain about “white trash” to me. I’m not sure how to respond. I don’t view it as racist (the head of the compound is trash), and only marginally classist (there are plenty of poor white folk who aren’t trash). But I will take the topic under consideration. Thank you.

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SpaceSquid said on January 11th, 2008 at 7:40 pm

Nut-kicking can be fatal? I demand scientific proof! Rove would be an acceptable test-case, although we hardly lack for candidates over here in the UK. Might I suggest Richard Littlejohn?

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John said on January 11th, 2008 at 11:30 pm

i gotta agree with the rest of the comments, JBS. just because in one paragraph he says that obama is with the white wine crowd, doesnt mean hes not racist the rest of the time. and bringing up trash talking in a basketball game is a predominantly racist move, and when you combine it with the phrase pickup basketball, its just like MGK identified it: a racist fucking move from a man who should be kicked in the nuts repeatedly.

and when the hell has barack obama trash talked anyone in the senate? if he’s giving rove shit on the court because he’s too fat to move, that’s not obama’s fault. but the court and the political arena are different places. much like how fred thompson on law and order and fred thompson the politician are different people.

karl rove and giuliani however, are assholes no matter where you are.

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gattsuru said on January 12th, 2008 at 12:26 am

I’m sorry to point this out during the local five minute’s hate, but last I checked, pick-up basketball was pretty common even in OhGodMyEyesTheGogglesDoNothing Albino white colleges. It’s a fairly quick game, and over the last thirty-odd years, nearly every college has gone out of their way to slap basketball courts anywhere possible. Trash-talking, as anyone who’s gone near X-Box Live or simply heard the consistently racist and homophobic commentary has heard, transcends race rather cleanly if not leaning heavily on the side of white youth.

The emphasis on white wine fits more with yuppie characteristics than anything else; while a fair share of African and African-American individuals enjoy it, the sorta thing seems more middle-class white in modern media.

And attacking the use of a teleprompter and poor speeches is off-limits? We’ve made a friggen art out of butchering Bush for his abuse of that crap.

If you want any negative ads in the upcoming election to be met with cries of racism, feel free. I think the modern Democratic party could do better than that.

Since this is also my first post here, I think I’m required to say that the Marvel Civil War parodies were extremely well done.

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Zenrage said on January 12th, 2008 at 2:03 am

If you’re going to waste the energy on Karl Rove, don’t use your foot. You may hurt yourself.

Use a cheese grater instead.

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Ken Lowery said on January 12th, 2008 at 3:50 am

And attacking the use of a teleprompter and poor speeches is off-limits? We’ve made a friggen art out of butchering Bush for his abuse of that crap.

That is because, after seven years of being president and several years before that of being a CEO and governor, the man still cannot form a complete sentence. That is a whole new class of completely retarded.

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Austin Clark said on January 12th, 2008 at 4:37 am

If you stare at a picture of Karl Rove long enough, his face will actually metamorph into the visage of a full-fledged pig. Try it! It’s AWESOME.

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Austin Clark said on January 12th, 2008 at 4:41 am

And to be fair, part of me relishes the thought of all those sad Republican faces as BILL MOVES BACK INTO THE WHITE HOUSE. Even if he’s not president.

It’s no reason to vote, and I’ll vote democrat no matter who gets the nod, but ohhhhhhh, that would be SO SWEET.

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Heksefatter said on January 12th, 2008 at 7:16 am

I am pretty sure that Rove did mean to appeal to people’s prejudices. Rove is, if nothing else, a master of appealing to the basest instincts, and have made that an integral part of his strategies.

Also, I see nothing inconsistent in implying that Obama is a stupid black man and that he received a lot of votes from the “white wine drinkers.” Actually, it is pretty good tactics. After all, “we all know” that the white wine segment are effete liberals and out of touch with ordinary americans, and that they are just the sort of people who can be conned by a substance-challenged black man, merely BECAUSE he is black.

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Salieri said on January 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am

To quote Bush in Berkely Breathed’s “Opus”:

“Hey Barbara! A Penguin grabbed Karl Rove’s loins!”

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Llelldorin said on January 12th, 2008 at 3:47 pm

Well, from what I read it looked like the full-court lock-up-the-base strategy that Rove always uses. The fact that it doesn’t actually make sense to say that Obama is both stupid and a wine-sipping liberal intellectual doesn’t make a bit of difference here–Rove’s playing energize-the-base bingo. Wine sipping? Check. Describing a black guy as lazy and stupid? Check. Elitist egghead? Also check (don’t think too hard–generally speaking, the guys Rove is talking to certainly don’t).

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awa64 said on January 13th, 2008 at 2:40 am

Karl Rove is like the neighbor’s dog. He’s loud, he’s annoying, he’s unpleasant, and he shits in your yard every once in a while.

Unfortunately, in the seven years those neighbors have lived next door to you, you don’t really have a choice to get used to the barking at four AM, and it’s not like the turd he left in the yard THIS time is the worst present he’s left in your yard. And ultimately, if you really want to be upset with someone, be upset with his owners–they’re the ones who put him up to it/let him run wild anyway. The little turd goblin isn’t really worth acknowledging on his own anyway.

As far as Dane Cook goes… somewhere along the line, he confused the words “loud” and “funny.” Someone really should correct him on that misconception. Possibly using a 2×4 with a rusty nail in it.

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Gustave Flaubert said on January 13th, 2008 at 6:02 am

“I’m sorry to point this out during the local five minute’s hate, but last I checked, pick-up basketball was pretty common even in OhGodMyEyesTheGogglesDoNothing Albino white colleges.”

Fine, but, the language is driven by x = stereotype, not the actual truth of things. Back to logic class for you!

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motteditor said on January 14th, 2008 at 8:27 pm

Wouldn’t Karl Rove’s appearance and personality prevent him from breeding? I’m not saying I wouldn’t be happy to have you repeatedly kick him in the nuts, but I don’t think the breeding would ever be a problem.

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