Meandering opening with only circumstantial connection to actual meat of post, containing one of
A) too many nothing connector words for folksy emphasis
B) multiple obscenities
C) a quote from either The Princess Bride or The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
D) all of the above.
Secondary paragraph, expanding on opening paragraph so that reader understands what post is actually about. Show of consternation or possibly enthusiasm, this latter only in rare circumstances. Additional pop-culture reference, made obliquely. Additional obscenities. Hyperlinks.
If subject of post nerdy, joke made at Geoff Johns’ expense here. (One time in three, follow up joke with disclaimer stating critical admiration of some of Geoff Johns’ work, for purpose of balance.) If subject of post not nerdy, joke made at Michael Ignatieff or Stephen Harper’s expense here. (Disclaimer never necessary and never used.)
.jpg file, possibly animated.
Final portion of post, summing up argument in relatively cohesive fashion (if reader not legally trained) or in disorganized but charming mess (if reader legally trained). Obscenities. Possibly snappy turn of phrase. Obscenities.
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70 users responded in this post
Comment.
Getting a bit Jaded with the whole blogging scene, MGK?
Insert of non-related comment or joke. Potential to start a flame war, but only by the twentieth such comment.
jpegs do not animate!
Great Geoff Johns joke, by the way.
Poorly thought quasi-snarky remark, only slightly conected with the actual subject of the post.
insert completely off topic comment about dinner last night and where the guys are meeting for drinks this weekend.
Comment indicating agreement with post’s author, but adding nothing further of substance.
Lame joke based off of blog post.
Stuff thingy.
Gratuitous link to an unrelated subject.
Pointless comment that basically repeats what has already been said by the others because the author likes the ‘clickity clack’ sound of his keyboard.
Spam post in garbled English with links to Russian mail order bride site.
Post containing spelling mistake.
Follow-up post pointing out mistake and correctly repeating what was said.
Double post!
Double post! (with apology added)
Insightful comment on SC’s gratuitous link to an unrelated subject.
comment with blatant disregard for social norms, followed by link to horse porn
Testimonial spam for an online dating service for nymphomaniac Asian midgets.
Fawning comment offering blog writer one free Internet.
Comment repeating earlier comment, serving to illustrate that I haven’t bothered to read other commenters.
Comment indicating agreement with post’s author with added praises of his character and skills meant solely to attract attention.
Comment that is a thinly veiled plea for attention to the commenter’s own blog, in hopes that the increased traffic of the blog owner might somehow “rub off” on him.
First post!
Link to advertisement with claims of the potential enlargement of certain sexual organs.
Quotation of a previous commentator.
Critical comment about the comment quoted.
Another quotation of a previous commentator.
Comment in agreement with comment quoted.
Minor HTML formatting.
Link to possibly entertaining quasi-topical outside page.
Comment on how meta the conversation has gotten.
Request for a “If I wrote Harry Potter Slash Fiction…” article series.
Tangential reference to related topic, in attempt to discredit arguments by appeal to authority.
Noun.
Incorrect declaration of first
THEY DON’T ANIMATE AND YOU KNOW IT
obsequious comment regarding how Rex the Wonder Dog would have done it better
Lame attempt at starting a flame war over a topic completely unrelated to blog post.
Jaded, world-weary reminder not to feed the troll.
Feeble attempt at ‘featured comment’.
Over-punctuated complaint, that entire blot post is thinly veiled slur–against women or minority group!!
Elaboration on perceived slur which has nothing to do with blog post, leading readers to suspect commenter has somehow wandered over from some other blog without realizing it!
Query as to how your mother/child/grandma/disabled friend/childhood pet would feel if they read this??
OPTIONAL: Concluding line saying I hope you will allow Jesus into your life, and that I will pray for you.
“F.B.I.! F.B.I.!” Blam blam blam blam. “[Expletive]. [Expletive].” Blam blam blam. Spurt of blood. Plot twist. “F.B.I.! F.B.I.!” “[Expletive].” Blam blam blam blam blam. “[Expletive].” “F.B.I.!” “Hotel Security!” Blam. Exploding skull. Guy sits on a chain saw. Montage. [Expletive]. Plot twist. Roll credits.
Obvious but unsuccessful attempt at trolling.
Needless offense taken at substance of earlier comment.
Insulting reference to the author of earlier comment, misattributed to a different commenter.
Sulking insinuation of leaving in huff.
(Lurking, waiting for response to earlier comment)
[b]Formatting error[/ b]
This post is made of _______ (with optional inclusion of the phrase “…as the kids say” to make it semi-ironic)
Rickroll
I think we’re all beating this into the ground at this point.
So take that, MGK!
LOLCat
Unfavourable comparison to Flapjacks’ latest offering.
Allusion to internet meme du joir and/or Josie and the Pussycats.
Obscene gerund
Spamming me too like a braindead AOLer
Fan girl squee! Fan girl squee!! And a promise to rip the fingernails out of anyone who has ever said anything even slightly critical about this post because they are obviously NOT a fan like I am a fan (sqqqueeeee!).
omg lol post about u are awesom with no discushun to the akshul content of post no which mke sens gramer
Assertion that Flapjacks does or does not exist.
First post!
response to Zifnab with example of tangential link
Observation that this is the most surreal “Why I Should Write Doctor Strange” post yet.
Jaded annotation that this has all been done before.
“intentional failure” above to link to quasi-topical video
Link to relevant LJ community.
Anus joke.
Display of regret that Kyle W.’s link does not function.
Comment on funnier thing he saw at website.extension
Modulation and I hold a high NOOOOOOOOOOOTE.
Complaint about obvious meta-humor.
Emoticon of amazement.
Snooty remark meant to attract the attention of everyone but actually alienates all.
Flippant remark
Inadvisable attempt to add something new to the mostly played-out discussion after coming in late!
Snide remark deriding one of the commenters’ ideological stance.
Undecipherable two-days-later post by Orient-based spammer hawking shoes / penile enlargement pills / shoe enlargement penis
Comment expressing amazement at random comment made above. Secondary comment from out of nowhere in stark opposition to random comment mentioned in first comment above.
Lengthy paragraph tying subjective judgments together to validate secondary comment. May or may not include list of up to 15 items in vain attempt to validate secondary comment as the only viable option.
Second through fifth paragraphs containing linguistic fluff.
Inappropriate anti-religious remark with possible side comment of application of random kitchen utensil upon sensitive part of currently “newsworthy” spiritual individual’s body.
Immature, confused comment by someone who grasps only the most tangential portion of your post, making sure to add “LOL” at the end of their poorly constructed, misspelled run-on sentence.
OR
Approving comment by another blogger that you completely loathe, resulting in an existential crisis about why you even write your blog to begin with.
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