(NOTE: Due to Flapjacks complaining vociferously, from now on I will not be editing his posts for clarity. You have been warned. — MGK)
so last time i posted here i was all “hey guys “max payne” is the best movie of the year.” but MGK was all “that is so anti-intellectual flapjacks, you should try watching the oscar nominees at least,” and he has a point because if it wasn’t for the oscars i never would have found out about arthouse hits like “gladiator” or “lord of the rings.”
so i went to my local theatre and paid honest dollars to go see the best that hollywood and independent hollywood have to offer, and my new pick for best movie of 2008 is “the reader.” cause kate winslet is in it and, basically, the first forty minutes of the movie is kate winslet boning.
she does full backal and you can see her tits. but it is not just about seeing kate winslet’s tits, because although they are great tits you have to admit watching kate winslet get naked and fuck is not exactly a new thing. after all there are top five lists devoted to kate winslet fucking on camera.
but there is forty minutes of it this time around! and although kate winslet boning is not new, kate winslet boning a lot makes this the best single supply of kate winslet doin’ it that exists known to man short of sam mendes’ private video collection. sure, in this movie she is boning some german teenager who looks like that guy from “cabaret” and that is kind of weird, but if you squint you can kinda pretend that he is george michael from “arrested development” and who wouldn’t want to watch that kid fuck kate winslet?
you’d download it off the internet if it existed. you really would.
but you can forget everything after the first forty minutes because after that there isn’t any boning and it’s about how the holocaust was bad and stuff. it is almost like they said “hey, we have this movie which has kate winslet getting fucked silly for the first half. how do we balance that out? oh, i got it, genocide.”
which just goes to show you that porn is almost always better than hollywood. cause no genocide.
Related Articles
21 users responded in this post
“…which just goes to show you that porn is almost always better than hollywood. cause no genocide.”
Can I have your permission to put this on a shirt? (For personal use, not for sale)
I dunno. I have seen Holocaust porn…
I really wish I hadn’t.
That’s really annoying. Could you go back to editing them?
Oh I GET IT…heheheh…this ‘Flapjacks’ character is just your insane double-persona, bent on trying to ruin everything that your original mind created, e.g. your good taste.
You have no more sex appeal, Flapjacks, since you’re too lazy to type with uppercase letters.
Bah!
This…means something. This is important.
But what about explosions? How can any movie be “good” if it doesn’t have both Sex AND Violence?
“cause no genocide”.
Dude, millions of babies die in those. Take a look at what some call baby shampoo in the Evangelical Porn Film about the abortion holocaust called “No Soaps: Shampoos and Milkshakes of Life”.
If Soderbergh doesn’t get around to making the prequel to “Full Frontal,” “Full Backal,” I will.
So, Flapjacks is kinda the Deadpool to your Batroc, huh MGK?
One of the best Flapjacks lines ever.
It’s puzzling the way Flapjacks doesn’t seem to know when to use capital letters, yet knows how to hyperlink without any problems…
He claims the shift keys on his keyboard are broken.
Flapjacks II: The Flappening (The Jackening sounded too dirty.)
Heh. I guess given the alternative of CAPSLOCK!FLAPJACKS, I prefer this.
MGK you should have called bullshit as soon as you saw that he was using double quotes, which require the shift key (and unlike capital letters, you can’t work around broken shift key with capslock)
Damn, people, can’t a brother experiment with style? I bet e.e. cummings didn’t have to deal with all this “where are your capital letters” persecution.
STOP THE HATING!
You fucking bitch. Don’t hide behind that “experimenting with style” bullshit.
e. e. cummings also didn’t review Max Payne.
For poetry and other near worthless disciplines the standards are much lower than for critiques of great art.
e. e. cummings never wanted his name written all lower case. His editors insisted on doing it, as a kind of “fuck you” to the guy who was too cool to capitalise.
While Mr. Jacks is still amusing as a solo writer, he works better as a team. He needs a straight man to bounce things off. Perhaps if MGK is too busy he could get a parrot?
i can’t believe people value correct capitalization over correct comediazation.
You guys are really part of Fafblog, right? Fess up!