but I am in the mood for a “nerdiest sentence ever typed” competition.
So I shall lead off:
My Hogwarts homebrew expansion for “Settlers of Catan” needs tweaking.
Beat that, nerds!
EDIT TO ADD: I would like to thank Mark S. for making the first Dr. Strange joke within the first ten comments, thus allowing me to win my side-bet with a friend. My twenty dollars is because of you, Mark S!
Top comments:
Oh, oh. Someone help me out. How do you say “It’s a TRAP!” in Klingon? –Zifnab
nuvonlI’!
… Yeah, I can’t believe that was on Google. — Emma
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My Hogwarts sci-fi AU homebrew expansion for “Settlers of Catan” needs tweaking.
Wait? Does it have to be a riff on the same or can we start fresh?
I was going to go with:
Is there a calculator plug-in that can help do the min-maxing for my Ewok fantasy football league?
heh…
“nono! he’s like a reverse hercules! and a pervert! it works!”
You got it:
Okay, my podcast is up from the latest session of my Farscape-Brisco County Jr-Fringe homebrew campaign using hybrid True20-Burning Wheel rules.
“Okay, here’s how you calculate Earned Run Average…”
Reason #30 Why I Should Write “Dr Strange”: Eli’s Coming, or “How all this crap actually works with regards to present continuity”.
‘Dude, I spent all weekend documenting myself building a custom Warhammer 40k chaos space marine legion based off the evil mecha in escaflowne-wanna watch a slideshow of the pics?’
“I have a blog.”
… no ?
Or..
“Moons of Krypton isn’t the correct expression, after the Black zero terrorist group blew up one of the moons they should have changed the phrase to the singular.”
I once inspired a “nerdiest sentence ever” thread on MiGK’s site, which qualifies me as Dangerously Nerdy on my self-created MGK Nerd scale.
‘Your party enters the clearing where a battalion of Goa’uld are facing off against a village of Hork-Bajr natives. As you prepare to enter the fray you hear the distant call of “Exterminate!”‘
i once remixed the entire star wars saga into three four hour epics. when i realized that no one would watch them, i re-remixed them into ten minute episodes and posted them on youtube.
i really wish i was kidding.
I have a pet Tribble.
On the internet nobody knows you’re a coyote-dragon hybrid with two prehensile penises in love with Jon Stewart (my winged bear life-partner.)
Am I the only one who hears that and thinks its an STD?
And that is his robot son who with the clone of his dead girlfriend from an alternate future timeline who now rides dragons on middle earth.
Reason #30 Why I Should Write “Dr Strange”: Eli’s Coming, or “How all this crap actually works with regards to present continuity”.
I think MarkS hit the nail on the head with that one.
Mark S has got the lead, without a doubt.
Yeah, gotta go with the Mark S love here.
The moon gleamed in the night sky as Optimus Prime sighed and looked at the paperwork on his desk; he knew he could count on Holmes to have his back in a firefight, but the fleshling was nowhere to be found when it was time to file the report.
Now, is the opposed roll for an Iron Chef Profession: Cooking, or Craft: food?
“I almost have my Legends of Galactic Heroes full conversion of NetTrek running on BeOS, would you like to help me test it?”
That depends on whether you’re using the 2ed Gygax Limited Edition Cook Craft Compendium, the newest erratas for Complete Hireling, or the Engrish translation of the Japanese release of the Monte Cook 2006 alt rules for d20 combat cooking.
Actually said on my Facebook feed last week:
“Helping start a Feminist WoW guild based on a blog post someone made last week. Name probably from Terry Pratchett. Apparently, today is made of win.”
“I based all the supporting characters in my Sailor Moon/Mythbusters slashfic on people I met in scans_daily.”
The bard class for my larping group needs to have its weapon requirements tweaked so it balances with the Ranger and Jester class.
Today is a good day for win!
“So I was reading this thread on MigthyGodKing.com…”
hohoho
“There should be one called ‘Win Omen’ for when you raidwipe by drawing aggro from the MT with DOTs. Right? It’s like… L2P, nub.”
From Penny Arcade.
–but Brian’s at 11:19 above is pretty right-on.
hza
I was reading my RSS Feeds and stumbled across an online photo gallery from a Jedi Wedding: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2411163.ece?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News
Wait… is there some sort of nerd contest going on?
@Brian: But do you ship Usagi/Adam or Tuxedo Mask/Jamie?
“It’s obvious that Thingol and tlhoy’ come from the same root — who’s writing this Sindarin-Klingon dictionary anyway, Cory Doctorow, you or me?”
“I’m writing a story where KOS-MOS and Samus Aran meet and fall in love.”
Even IF Ultraman counts for that 1d6 rule (which is up for debate as the mechanics of Cthulhu and colossal sizes is still unclear), Ultraman Great’s escape from Gudis II’s digestive tract stands as solid evidence that swallowing a being from Messier 78 is never a good idea.
Big McLargeHuge said on May 5th, 2009 at 9:30 am — “Okay, here’s how you calculate Earned Run Average…”
WRONG!
“Okay, here’s how you calculate Value Over Replacement Player.”
Reason #31 Why I Should Write Dr Strange – “Rex the Motherfuckin’ Wonder Dog is the 616 equivalent of Superboy Prime.”
“My homebrew RPG is like Rolemaster, if Rolemaster hadn’t been dumbed down for the masses.”
http://albruno3.tripod.com/
“I spent the weekend writing Twilight fanfiction to prove my hypothesis that Esme Cullen makes a convincing love interest to John Constantine.”
D&D 4e is nice and all, but I had to house-rule an extensible magic system based on the 3.5 vancian system with some tweaks or my campaign “Wyrmhole from Hogwarts to Hoth” would be completely unrealistic.
Please roll against CON for STDs.
Yesterday, I got a message on my Blackberry from my friend Emily, saying: “May the Fourth be with you!”
To which I replied:
“That’s terrible.”
And she said:
“I do it out of love.”
Which leads to my entry:
“Love; love and fear; love, fear and surprise… and a near-fanatical devotion to the Emperor.”
Because seriously, Star Wars + Monty Python + Blackberry Messenger? Nerd trifecta. I probably lose points because I was talking to a girl, though.
“Just because The Doctor travelled back in time to prevent the assasination of Nikolai Tesla in the DCU, it doesn’t mean it also happened in the DCAU”…
Oh please, you say that like it’s not what everyone was thinking the day after we all read the source books.
My Hogwarts homebrew expansion for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Board Game” needs tweaking.
“My Avatar/Doctor Who cross-over fic kind of got away from me after Doctor Doom summoned the Uruk-hai onto the bridge of the Enterprise, but I figure I can resolve it if I have some friends Larp it out for me.”
Oh, oh. Someone help me out. How do you say “It’s a TRAP!” in Klingon?
I’ve worked out an algorithm for a simple GURPs conversion which makes it clear that Aeryn Sun would pwn Luna Lovegood.
I get all the jokes on this website.
I had Sergals in mind when I made mine but forgot what they were called. Oh well.
“My LARP group doesn’t understand the amount of research I did to get the magic systems in Harry Potter, Dresden Files and Kingdom Hearts to mesh in my homebrew RPG system, to say nothing of how they all exist in the Firefly setting; there’s nothing I hate more than immersion-breaking plot holes, a sentiment with which all true fantasy role-players would agree.”
nuvonlI’!
… Yeah, I can’t believe that was on Google.
.*.
-()
Excuse me, miss, but you’re so beautiful… I’d love for you to model Samus Aran in the Super Metroid romhack I’m currently working on.
What? Oh, sorry! I meant “on which I’m currently working.”
The fact that someone even asked how to say something in Klingon counts pretty strong.
Also, I’m confident (and more than a little frightened) that the SD crossover stuff, if not happening already, is occurring now.
Rex as Superboy Whine? NO.
I finally got a display case at Hobby Lobby for my “Star Trek Generations” french fry boxes autographed by Walter Koenig and James Doohan so they can sit on the shelf right next to my Dave Prowse autograped box of “Episode III” Cheez-Its.*
* this statement is true in every way, and I have even nerdier “collectibles.”
You really need two copies of “World of Synnabar,” one to play with and one to keep in the collection.
For those unfamiliar with this “game,” here’s the infamous review on RPG.net: http://www.rpg.net/news+reviews/reviews/rev_4762.html
I’ll accept that the Enterprise beat the Star Destroyer this time, but remind you that it was only because of the additional morale dice gained by putting Honor Harrington on the bridge.
“Frodo, don’t wear the ring” by Flight of the Conchords may be good, but it’s not a patch on the songs from the Lords of the Rhymes crew!
Not technically a sentence, but an actual conversation had when playing the Star Wars tabletop RPG about 12 years ago:
Me: I’m going to Force Choke the guards until they’re unconscious.
GM: Okay, you gain three dark side points.
Me: What? I didn’t kill them.
GM: Choke is a dark side power.
Me: Shouldn’t it depend on it’s use? I mean, in ROTJ Luke used Force Choke to choke the Gammorean guards when invading Jabba’s palace to rescue Han Solo. You saying Luke took dark side points there?
GM: Yes.
Me: That’s bullshit! Luke, the guy that refused to kill even when Obi-fucking-wan Kenobi and Yoda were telling him “Screw conversion! You can’t really be a jedi if you don’t kill Vader.”
GM: The book says dark side points so you get dark side points.
Me: Screw the book! Continuity is my co-pilot!
Also, here’s my entry, and I think it tops Eli.
And the cartoon had, among other things: a talking parrot, approximately forty billion laser beams color-coded by side, a tribe of shapechangers, an alien race living beneath the earth, an army of robots that would make Cylons jealous, a vampire youth machine, Atlanteans, a giant blob which the Joes killed by throwing apples at it, a trip to a parallel universe where some of the team found their own bodies, sea serpents, Cobra trying to steal Alaska because of some technicality regarding a seal, giant energy-sucking cubes of dark matter, a bio-dome in the Antarctic, a device that vaporized all of the world’s money, ghost warriors, a magic conch shell that hypnotized men but not women, time-traveling to ancient Greece, the Baroness disguising herself as a chunky fat guy not once but four separate times, Destro attempting to take over the world with giant vegetables, Cobra shrinking its entire army to miniscule size and hiding in toys given away to needy children, the Egyptian god Set, Cobra setting up its own television channel and trying to take over the world with propaganda, dinosaur stampedes, an evil clone of the talking parrot, subliminal messages in rock songs, a crime telethon, and Sgt. Slaughter.
Here are a series of 42 flow charts that explain Flash continuity, not that I need it, but I made them for the laymen.
Randy B.: You should have show him Luke’s character page, if shows that he has Dark Side points on him. I think it’s 2. You don’t become a Sith until, I want to say, 3.
“Ernst Stavros Blofeld, you have the capacity to instill great fear. Welcome to the Sinestro Corps.”
Clambone is so frakking sick of everyone ripping off his Tranzor Z fanfic.
Harris O’M: Nonsense. Blofeld would clearly be eaten by Agent Orange and become an Orange Lantern construct.
@Polychrome and @Harris O’M: Oh, please, you’re both wrong, obviously Geoff Johns would decide that he was a badly misunderstood character and refigure him as the best Green Lantern ever.
What’s a girl?
“Gee, I’d like to go see the advance screening of the new Star Trek movie, but I’m in line to get Weird Al’s autograph on this replica of the ‘UHF’ theatrical one-shot poster I painted and don’t want to lose my spot.”
Not based on a true story in any way….
Lister Sage: If I remember correctly, at 3 DSp’s, you roll a die, if you roll lower than the # of dark side points you have, then you turn to the dark side. If higher, you’re still good, until you gain another DSP, then you roll again until you finally turn or remove the DSP’s.
“As soon as Tony Bedard replies back to me about how deep Barbara Gordon’s vagina is post-Killing Joke and Alan Moore definitively explains whether or not The Joker actually raped her, I’ll be able to corelate that date with an article on USENET from 1987 which has a baseline for me to work from on Black Canary, based on some homebrewed stats from when Longbow Hunters came out and I’ll be able to post my Birds of Prey FATAL character guide to RPG.net!”
I may not get the nerdiest statement, but I can damn well get the creepiest. And for the record, no, I don’t play FATAL.
Could Ash defeat Jason Voorhees if he was confined to Davros’ chair?
Preamble:
After coming home from the preview screening of LOTR, with Peter Jackson and Rhys-Davies in attendance (A full week before the theatrical release.)
Me (to MightyGodKing): You know I’m just itching to tell you how awesome it was.
My entry:
MightyGodKing (to me): If there was any justice in this world, I would have had that ticket.
I would like to thank Mark S. for making the first Dr. Strange joke within the first ten comments, thus allowing me to win my side-bet with a friend.
It may seem to contradict established canon, but technically Laurell K. Hamilton never said Anita Blake isn’t half-Vulcan, so she could still possibly undergo a variation of Pon-Farr and mindmeld with The Doctor to recieve Time Master-like traits.
@Polychrome: you are clearly wrong. Blofeld is the head of a secret criminal organization that even MI6 was in fear of. Clearly he is a prime candidate for the Sinestro Corps.
Jaws (of Moonraker and The Spy Who Loved Me), on the other hand, is ID personified and would likely be consumed by Agent Orange. However, as evidenced by Moonraker, he would eventually be saved and redeemed by the Zamorrans in the name of the Swedish girl he meets.
@Harris O’M: By saying this, you have put the image of Jaws in a Zamorran Corps outfit into my mind.
I will never forgive you.
last week somebody explained how the Masters of the Universe live action movie didn’t technically contridict cartoon continuity
Posting without looking at anyone else’s entries first:
If you calculate it out, the Autobot that gets the best gas mileage across all the cartoons, comics and movies is Prowl, but according to their specs it ought to be Sideswipe, so the writers need to make the stories more realistic.
Tweeting this slashfic about Earth-889 (“Warren Ellis Steampunk”) X-Men in iambic pentameter just isn’t viable, so I’m switching to semaphore between my furry-themed WoW guild members.
“Somone should write a parody of Larry Niven’s ‘Man of Steel, Women of Kleenex’,to explain how Scott Summers has three adult children living in the present timeline without even having impregnated anyone….yet!”
-or-
“Never go on a blind date with Scott Summers – before you even pick up the cheque you’ll be his quantum babymama.”
one from real life:
“I can’t go out with you, me and J are watching the Supernatural Halloween Marathon, since it’s day 15 of the Iron Man suit build.”
I have pictures.
Oh, please. Goldfinger would obviously be eaten by Agent Orange, while Jaws would be a member of the Red Lantern Corps. Scaramanga, of course, is not a member of any of the Corps, but is a mercenary who hunts down Green Lanterns with his specially designed gold gun (to exploit their weakness to yellow, of course.)
That’s not even my entry, motherfuckers. That’s just the kind of shit I say every day. 🙂
I can beat you. This is an actual text message I sent a friend about a year ago.
“OMG there’s a WW:TA LARP at AC this year.”
Acronyms FTW.
For those of you not hip enough to know…
AC = Anthrocon
WW:TA = Werewolf: The Apocalypse
There’s porn on the internet?
“I’ve made a diagram in MS Paint to show how Tron, Terminator, The Matrix, and Transformers could all take place in the same continuity if you allow for alternate timelines, and it actually makes each franchise make more sense.”
(I wish I still had that diagram.)
“I really liked Deep Space Nine.
…What’s that look for?”
Hey, I DID really like DS9!:-p
We talkin’ smack about DS9 in here? Who’s talkin’ smack? I will break genitalia.
“I’ve made a diagram in MS Paint to show how Tron, Terminator, The Matrix, and Transformers could all take place in the same continuity if you allow for alternate timelines, and it actually makes each franchise make more sense.”
huh? what part dosen’t make sense? Tron’s first, then Terminator, then Transformers, then Matrix. Matrix can be seen as the endpoint of any ‘machines take over the earth’ scenario
I need to make a new dress to wear at my LARP so my cleric looks less like a druid.
Also, DS9 was the greatest Star Trek. I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Probably with a boffer sword, as it’s appropriate.
“Tron’s first, then Terminator, then Transformers, then Matrix. Matrix can be seen as the endpoint of any ‘machines take over the earth’ scenario”
Get ready: Transformers is actually the endpoint!
Each successive franchise is dependent on the good guys losing in the previous one, which is where the alternate timelines come in. If Flynn and Tron fail, Master Control Program becomes the basis for Skynet. If the humans fail in Terminator, Skynet evolves into the Matrix. If the Matrix wins, eventually the machines develop Energon Cubes as an alternate power source and let the humans go extinct. The Earth becomes overrun with machinery and becomes Cybertron. Prolonged exposure to humans in the simulated world infects the machines, and they develop humanoid forms and personalities. (This explains some of the Transformers’ names; concepts like “bumblebees” and “jazz” have to originate *somewhere*.) Eventually, they split up into factions, the Autobots decide a great injustice has been done, and they *time travel* to a point before Master Control Program existed to try and prevent their future.
This is like a Tarantino scene gone wrong, isn’t it?
marvinmartian: That first one doesn’t work. Scott totally banged Nathan Christopher into existence back when he was married to Madelyne Pryor. And Nate Grey has been dead for years, so he’s down to just the two.
DistantFred: Maybe he was counting Stryfe, who was living in the present in the 90’s. I don’t even fully understand how he could have survived to Messiah War. The only other Summers’ kid I can think of is Ruby, but she’s from an alternate future (well, they technically all are) so I don’t know if he meant her or not.
Oh God. I forgot about Stryfe. So that means in the 1990s there was Rachel, Nathan, Stryfe and Nate Grey.
Rife with all kinds of incredibly disturbing slash possibilities, too.
“thye lost me at the trailer. Comeon, everyone who saw ‘piece of the action’ knows James T Kirk cant drive’
“Get ready: Transformers is actually the endpoint!
Each successive franchise is dependent on the good guys losing in the previous one, which is where the alternate timelines come in. If Flynn and Tron fail, Master Control Program becomes the basis for Skynet. If the humans fail in Terminator, Skynet evolves into the Matrix. If the Matrix wins, eventually the machines develop Energon Cubes as an alternate power source and let the humans go extinct. The Earth becomes overrun with machinery and becomes Cybertron. Prolonged exposure to humans in the simulated world infects the machines, and they develop humanoid forms and personalities. (This explains some of the Transformers’ names; concepts like “bumblebees” and “jazz” have to originate *somewhere*.) Eventually, they split up into factions, the Autobots decide a great injustice has been done, and they *time travel* to a point before Master Control Program existed to try and prevent their future.”
You’re missing two vital links.
Knight Industries are the ones who put the MCP in a vehicle, the Knight Industries Two Thousand (KITT).
But the program originally has an extra-terrestrial origin. It was reverse-engineered from a crashed alien fighter.
A cylon raider that that crashed in 1980.
The truth is out there people!
“Silence Earthling! My name is Darth Vader. I am an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan!”