4
Aug
Not Quite Improved Archie
Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time PartySearch
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“Hey, the fans melted into tapioca pudding!”
“YUM!”
REGGIE: You ever think about the transience of youth and all that shit?
MOOSE: Every day.
REGGIE: If the Wondersquad over there doesn’t win, we can all kiss the Ivy League good-bye, my friends.
MOOSE: Lose to win. Pride only hurts.
Reggie: “Dibs on the beanpole.”
Moose: “Well played, old chap!”
“See, there’s a long one and then two round ones… they’re totally a cock and balls!”
“Go, 4chan Reggie!”
“Break their bones. Shatter their hearts. Blind them with their tears.”
“Hoo-rah.”
REGGIE: They don’t look like much, but they know how to rock a sissy slap fight!
MOOSE: Hell of a slap!
“His nose, his hair… the Bee sticks out like a sore thumb!”
“Not Flutesnoot?”
REGGIE: “Whoa! Oh, man! “Juno” was sure right about those tiny track shorts! Just look at all that Old Man Junk swinging around, Archie! Archie? Oh, c’mon, stop screaming, you big baby.”
MOOSE: “Archie clearly not comfortable with male form, own sexuality.”
Reggie: “Here comes Team Lifestyle Diabetes and Dietary Bone Loss.”
Moose: “All is vanity.”
Reggie: And they say *that’s* what we’ll look like when we get old!
Moose: Mmm, tapioca in the stands… :p~~~
“How is it being bait for the annual ‘Running of the Bears’, Moose?”
“Ah it’s great, they still haven’t noticed that I ducked out on them.”
“We will corral the beasts in the box canyon. Bring your spears and bows.”
“We will eat well tonight, and honor the great buffalo spirit.”
“We shall give them one half-hour, and then begin our pursuit. It is only when exposed to peril and forced into action that their full potential shall be unlocked. He who survives will become either an indispensable asset, or the greatest danger we will ever face.”
“Aye, man is indeed the most dangerous game.”
REGGIE: Worst. Baywatch. Episode. Ever.
MOOSE: Here comes Miss Beazley.
Reggie: Archie! Save yourself, don’t look at the top left corner!
Moose: FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Reggie: I ain’t never ran from a geezer and I damn sure ain’t ’bout to pick today to start runnin’!
Moose: GET MONEY!
Reggie: “Looks like the Early Bird buffet is open.”
Moose: “Eat now?”
Reggie: Wow. Care to sum up this experience in one word, Moose?
Moose: “Arousing.”
Reggie: Well, at least I know what my night terrors for the next few months will look like.
Moose: Can’t…stop….picturing….assbellys….must….kill….self….
“Ah, the Three Stooges. Still funny after all these years, even when relying on old and hackneyed character ticks. Gives you hope for the future, eh, Moose?”
“Duhh … yep!”