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mygif

To be fair, Anne Hathaway is reallllllllllly pretty. Also, this gets a lot better after a nearly full bottle of wine.

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The only enthusiasm I’ve had for Billy Crystal in years has been in watching “The Princess Bride.”

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@ AMS: what about Monsters Inc or Analyze This?

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Blackface isn’t “sorta-racist.” Anything that comes from minstrel shows forfeits the word “sorta” from the beginning of “racist.”

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The Dean from Community is an Academy Award winner!

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Nothing to do with the Oscars, but Rex the Motherf@#$ing Wonder Dog turned up on Cracked today.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/adventures-dog-who-doesnt-give-f234025/

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mygif

I can tell you exactly what the dialogue that lead to the static reel was:

“Lets show the actors in thier roles!”

“But we want to have people like sound editors and stuff”

“So?”

“We don’t have film of them, it would be unfair.”

“But people don’t care about producers and sound editors, they care about actors.”

“Not the people who actually put on and produce the Oscars, they care about producers.”

“FINE we do static images for everyone.”

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mygif

also these actors talking about movies they like is so forced and try hard it makes me not like movies anymore.

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Portman looks really nice, which is a big change from her normal look.

What the fuck is this shit? Everyone gets a pep talk before the award? The fuck now.

Dear god Clooney’s face is all teeth isn’t it?

Jean looks like he’s going to cry, SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Why isn’t Gary Oldman already winning? If you Haven’t seen Tinker Tailor, go see it, it’s kind of totally amazing. And hey they used the clip from his best scene in the movie. That is awesome.

Damnit why can’t I make my hair do that? My hair is long, it looks nothing like that. YOU ARE SETTING UP UNFAIR EXPECTATIONS BRAD. Also Brad Pitt isn’t good unless he makes you kind of scared to be around him.

AND OF COURSE LETS COCKSUCK THE ARTIST S’MORE CAUSE WE’VE GO TO BURY OURSELVES UP OUR ASSES.

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thank you Jean for delivering a book report.

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I wanted them to cut the mic on Dujardin and have the music try to play him off. Not because I hate or even really give a shit at all about “The Artist,” but because I thought it would be appropriate.

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Ha ha, Racism! Thanks Billy.

Oh man if Colin Firth just wants to play homoerotic period pieces for the rest of his life I am fine with that.

SO raise your hand if you didn’t buy Glenn Close at all in Noobs. Still felt like drag.

Oh man Violet that color is not you. At all. Ever. Love the lashes however. Well she cries so I guess she’ll win.

ACTIVATE AUDREYBOT AUDREYBOT SMILES TO POSITIVE STIMULI. Anyway crazy roles don’t win Oscars.

Oh hey Colin and Meryl are actually being natural and human-like with each other. Okay then. That being said Springtime For Thatcher is fucking bad.

Oh man Michelle Williams looks literally starstruck. It’s like naked admiration. That Mia Farrow cur isn’t doing her any favors however

AND HEY LOOK GUESS WHO WON WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE I GUESS SHE CAN USE THEM TO BUILD A HUTCH OR SOMETHING

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HEY MERYL YOU WHERE RIGHT EVERYONE IN AMERICA DID JUST GO OH UGH HER AGAIN

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what is wrong with Tom Cruise’s face?

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wow the level of applause is REALLY telling

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IT TURNS OUT HOLLYWOOD LIKES MOVIES ABOUT ITSELF AND HOW WONDERFUL IT IS.

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Is Langman like, 12?

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re stars in a dark room talking about movies: Bonus points to Brad Pitt to ‘fessing up to lovin’ WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS when he was 5.

THE ARTIST is better than SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE b/c S IN L didn’t have a cute dog in it.

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Mitchell Hundred said on February 27th, 2012 at 1:17 am

Two thoughts:

1. Even in the ads, ‘Missing’ seems to me like a series whose novelty and grippingness will peter out pretty damn quickly. “Parent searches for their kidnapped child in a foreign country” is the plot of a thrilling movie (ahem ‘Taken’ ahem), not a thrilling TV show.

2. If you haven’t seen ‘Monsieur Lazhar’ (Canada’s nominee for Best Foreign Film) yet, get on that. It’s one of those movies that you feel should come across as saccharine and cliched, but somehow manages not to. It paradoxically managed to warm my heart and break it in impossibly quick succession.

That said, I have no quibbles about ‘A Separation’ winning the award. That movie was excellent.

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mygif

While watching Cirque du Soleil a something crossed my mind that I’d never before given thought: “I kind of wish Brett Ratner were here, because then this wouldn’t be.”

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I read the news about the Artist winning best picture and figured I’d check and see if there was a liveblog from MGK with no timestamps that just read FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU over and over

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Wolfthomas said on February 27th, 2012 at 7:34 am

I find the black face thing…jarring?

There was this huge thing when Harry Connick Jr got angry at a blackface performance on Hey Hey, It’s Saturday (kind of like the Australian version of The Gong Show). Even though the troupe was made up of several different races (only one white guy) and Australia doesn’t have as long and troubled a history with people of African origins, that isn’t to say we don’t have racial problems (treatment of aboriginal australians, those riots a few years ago, the attacks on indians) but they’re different.

But yeah Billy Crystal gets a free pass?

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mygif

I liked “HUgo” when I saw it. but yeah, the phrase “Giant self-congratulatory circle jerk.” popped to mind even more quickly this year then it normally does.

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mygif

I still have not forgiven the Oscars for ignoring TRON for Best Visual Effects.

TWICE.

And after Crash won Best Picture (a selection that even makes The Greatest Show On Earth look sensible by comparison), I don’t go out of my way to watch the show…

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MonkeyWithTypewriter said on February 27th, 2012 at 10:22 am

Missed opportunity: Celebrities in a dark room talking about movies with Paul Reubens!

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MGK, I love you, but I just have to say: the firs thing I said after walking out of Tintin (it might have been the second) was “John Williams phoned that score in.” There was not a single memorable piece of music. I immediately went home and watched the opening sequence from the old Nelvanna cartoon, and went: Awesome. John Williams did not bring the awesome, musically speaking. His score was aggressively functional – which is fine, I guess, but doesn’t the Oscars celebrate mediocrity enough already?

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mygif

MGK, I love you, but I just have to say: the firs thing I said after walking out of Tintin (it might have been the second) was “John Williams phoned that score in.”

I don’t disagree – my complaint was not that Tintin didn’t win, but that they couldn’t be bothered to spell it properly. I mean, fuck, it’s a billions-watching show. Spell things right, for fuck’s sake, if you’re going to give everything to The Artist.

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mygif

Billy Crystal has “fallen so deep into his schtick that the jokes are increasingly about his schtick.” Soooo….basically, Billy Crystal has now become Krusty the Clown?

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Jack-Pumpkinhead said on February 27th, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Meryl was right, my mom went “Really?” My big complaints are 1-they didn’t perform the original song nominees (but we have to keep panning to mini band in the balcony?) and 2-Animated Film was a joke. No Tintin, no Winnie the Pooh? Yeah Rango needs an asterisk by it’s oscar victory *because the best ones weren’t allowed in. And 3-it felt pretentious and stupid this year.

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mygif

It wasn’t blackface. Blackface was portrayal of stereotypes.

This was Billy Crystal doing an impersonation of Sammy Davis Jr….which he’s been doing for years and I’m pretty sure did with Sammy Davis himself.

If it makes you feel better, a quick google of “blackface” shows the world is freaking out over it anyhow. Because we live in a world where you can’t tell the difference between the thing and the thing.

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William Kendall said on February 27th, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Your blog is, of course, more entertaining then the Oscars themselves.

Nolte looks pissed because he knows he’ll never get nominated again.

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I really dug that Meryl Streep pretty much acknowledged that she was winning a lifetime achievement award.

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Your paragraph about SIL vs. the Artist (having rather enjoyed SIL) has now made me dread this evening’s work outing to see the film, as I am That Person who left Avatar ranting and raving about the vapidity. My work colleagues need not see my true, standards-having self yet! Argh

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mygif

@buzz: SIL did have a cute dog in it. In fact, it made a joke out of saying that that’s what people want — love, comedy, and a bit with a dog in it.

(I may have missed a joke.)

I like SIL too. It was just funny and clever enough in most parts, and it had plenty of enjoyable acting. I get the Best Picture-oriented hate, but it’s overall a tidy little flick.

And there just aren’t enough happy films about art … Ratatouille?

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Aussiesmurf said on February 28th, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Shakespeare in Love absolutely rocked, and Saving Private Ryan was incredibly mediocre.

I will carry that opinion to my grave.

Now THAT’s an idea for a thread : movies that everyone but you seems to love. Here are mine :

Blade Runner
Avatar
Titanic
The Hangover
Forrest Gump.

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Ed (Jack Norris) said on February 28th, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Not to say he was right to have done it but to say “Which, it seems, now must be done in blackface.” seems to be saying that he never did the impression that way before, which isn’t accurate: in at least one years-ago instance (the SNL game show sketch with Christopher Guest as an Indian) he had the dark-brown makeup fully slathered on.
Wrong & racist: quite probably.
A new development in Crystal’s SDJ impression: clearly not.

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mygif

“It wasn’t blackface. Blackface was portrayal of stereotypes.
This was Billy Crystal doing an impersonation of Sammy Davis Jr….which he’s been doing for years and I’m pretty sure did with Sammy Davis himself.”

Right. I think we need to dial back the sensitivity on this a smidge, because people seem to have forgotten what blackface was.

Blackface was an exaggeration of supposed black features, like exaggerated red or white lips that didn’t even resemble lips, just a big oval, and big bulging eyes.

Blackface was “HAHAHA black people look funny!”. Which was not the joke of Billy Crystal as SDJr.

Confusing the two is like missing the difference between a “Barbie Princess Charm School Princess Blair African-American Doll” and an old racist Mammy doll.

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Nonesuch said on March 1st, 2012 at 6:40 pm

@aussiesmurf: Agreed on all except Blade Runner. Well, and Hangover. I would Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon to the list of MTEBYSTL. A cute dog could have saved even that, but no.

By the way, when were the Oscars ever not soulless?

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LegionQuest said on March 6th, 2012 at 3:34 am

Mr. Me aka Billy Crystal.

-Plugs his own film about twenty seconds into the opening.

-Quickly learn the terrible plastic surgery and terrible hair dye job isn’t to look like the comatose wife of Clooney’s character

– Makes a bar mitzvah joke solidifying himself as the Borscht Belt buffoon he portrayed in Mr. Saturday Night

-Can’t control himself from commenting on the Harry met Sally clip in the montage

Can’t stand this narcissist

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mygif

Thank you for such a fantastic blog. I have a presentation that I am presently working on, and I have been on the look out for such information…….

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