“I Can’t Believe He’s Just Doing Improved Archie Again”

Something about getting my rocks off.

Something about getting my leg over.

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RONNIE: What is it
That thou dost see, or think thou look’st upon?

ARCHIE: Myself, and thee– a peasant of the Alps–
Thy humble virtues, hospitable home
And spirit patient, pious, proud and free;
Thy self-respect, grafted on innocent thoughts;
Thy days of health, and nights of sleep; thy toils
By danger dignified, yet guiltless; hopes
Of cheerful old age and a quiet grave,
With cross and garland over its green turf,
And thy grandchildren’s love for epitaph;
This do I see– and then I look within–
It matters not– my soul was scorch’d already!

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“You can see my house from up here, Archie.”

“Can I see your — no, we’ve done that one to death…”

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“So what happens if I slip and fall, Archie?”

“Well, you’ll take me with you, since we’re hooked up together, and let’s face it, I’ve got all the sure footedness and steadiness of a high strung cat in a room full of rocking chairs, so there’s no way I’ll be able to stop from going over the ledge with you. We’ll fall to our deaths off Mount Widowmaker, shattering upon impact with the valley floor, where Betty will collect samples of my DNA to clone me as part of her ongoing plans to have my baby. The problem then will be that your blood and mine will be so mixed that the resulting clone will be a mixture of both of us. A bitchy redhead with a beat up car.”

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Did Daddy carve a hole in that rock in the shape of a vagina?

Yes. Yes he did.

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“Hurry! We can’t let Manannan catch us with the magic ingredients until we brew the potion!”

“Relax! That old wizard’s probably fast asleep!”

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“Isn’t this the plot of, like, 1/3 of all Ziggy strips?”

“Wait, you read fucking ZIGGY?”

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