FAVORITE CHOCOLATE BARS OF SUPERHEROES
Superman: Whatchamacallit (he thinks it’s a funny name even now. Lois just grimaces)
Kitty Pryde: Reese’s Pieces
Aquaman: Bounty (he prefers it to Mounds)
Cyclops: Snickers
Martian Manhunter: everyone gets him Hershey’s Cookies N’ Cream but it’s not proper cookies and he doesn’t really like white chocolate anyway; he likes Terry’s Chocolate Orange
Wolverine: Coffee Crisp (because Wolverine is Canadian, see)
The Flash: Mars bars (fun fact: you can cram an entire Mars bar in your mouth incredibly fast)
Hawkeye: M&Ms
Green Lantern (Hal Jordan): “Chocolate bars? Oh, I dunno. I haven’t had a chocolate bar in a while, mostly because I spend all my time in space. Hey, you know who makes a great dessert? Thanagarians. They do this thing, it’s kind of like a chocolate bar but it’s way better. I can’t really describe it. It’s a shame you can’t go to space.”
Mr. Fantastic: Milk Duds
Spider-Man: Payday, because actual chocolate bars always smear on his mask and then he has to put the mask in his laundry and that’s such a pain but Payday is just firm caramel and peanuts so it doesn’t leave stains
Captain America: Hershey Bar
Beast: anything with toffee in it, but Bobby always buys him Chicken Dinners because Bobby thinks that is a funny joke and Hank just sighs1
The Thing: Valomilk
Wonder Woman: Green & Black’s
Green Arrow: Avoids most chocolate because of third-world labour issues but since he found out Cadbury has at least an okay labour force, if not exceptional, he will occasionally indulge in a Caramilk
Dr. Strange: York Peppermint Patties
Deadpool: Everlasting Gobstoppers
Batman: 88% dark Peruvian chocolate when he chooses for himself; Three Musketeers when Alfred brings him one for a snack
- NOTE: this is a time travel joke because the x-Men time travel a lot [↩]
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Hulk: Mr. Big
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Phenomenal-Swag-Shaq-candy-bar?urn=nba,199643
Man, why can’t YOU write Hal Jordan instead of Johns? I’d love an entire series with Hal being “Ha ha, space is awesome.”
Are we acknowledging that some of these can’t be true in the awful, awful New 52 Universe? =(
in the New 52 universe superheroes only eat candy bars made of shredded glass and nougat, to show how much pain they can endure
SIDEBAR: I wonder exactly how much of their fanbase DC has lost over the New 52?
Well, this explains the whole Phoenix Five/Uncanny X-Men storyline.
“Cyke, eat a snickers.”
“Why?”
“You get a little totalitarian when you’re hungry.”
Why stick to heroes?
Two Face: Twix
Catwoman: Godiva Chocolates
Riddler: Kinder Surprise
The Joker: Good n Plenty (He’s Crazy!)
Larfleeze: Two of Whatever You’re Having
Black Adam: Turkish Delight
Vandal Savage: Necco Wafers
Lex Luthor: Does Not Eat Candy
Ironman: “Oh, there’s these guys in Austin that used to work for Google, but now they’re crafting the perfect chocolate bar by taking EVERY chocolate bar and reverse-engineering it, only instead of a bar it’s going to be a DRINK because that’s more efficient, flavor-wise, and anyway the Kickstarter isn’t over yet but it’s going to be pretty great.”
Dr. Doom: Werther’s Original
“in the New 52 universe superheroes only eat candy bars made of shredded glass and nougat, to show how much pain they can endure”
Haha, that cracked me up
Does Ollie realize that unless he goes to an import store, the Cadbury bars he’s buying in the US are made by Hershey under license?
This seems like a good thread to remind everyone they should be reading JL8
http://limbero.org/jl8/archive
The Joker prefers Reese’s Big Cups because you can fit tiny bombs in them with a little effort.
I’ve had a very rough week, so this post made me smile. Kudos.
Kudos? I think those are Thor’s favorite.
Thor prefers his chocolate in fondue form so he can dip various haunches of meat into it.
Thor?
http://pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/fuckyeahmikegrizzly.jpeg
Luthor exclusively samples Debauve and Gallais chocolates, garnished with the tears of orphans who he invites to taste one only to pull the box away at the last second.
And, if he were to think about it, Batman actually enjoys the Three Musketeers way more. Obviously.
Brother Warth likes Payday bars, I’d imagine.
Nah, scratch that. No one likes Payday bars.
Booster Gold: Whichever one he has a sponsorship for
All supervillains prefer Hostess fruit pies to other snacks. This is a proven scientific fact.
Now I’m wondering whether any superheroes have peanut allergies. Definitely some supervillains do in their origin stories. (I don’t care how good of a person you are — if you have that sometimes-fatal allergy, and the yogurt place keeps getting bits of peanut mixed with the strawberries, you’re gonna start thinking about some kind of superscience-based revenge.)
To be fair, Captain America DOES eat Hershey’s, but every time he has one, he looks a little disappointed. They’re not like they were when he was a kid. But every so often he convinces himself that’s just nostalgia talking, and he gets another one, and… no, it really isn’t the same.
Chicken Dinners?
I’m glad I’m not the only one confused by Chicken Dinners. Best I can figure is similar to #6 here http://mightygodking.com/2009/04/28/he-also-likes-nachos/ , in some time that the X-Men have visited, Chicken Dinners were eaten in place of chocolate.
Sometimes, just sometimes, Wikipedia can be used for Good and not Evil:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearson%27s_Candy_Company#Chicken_Dinner_Bar
Also, Whatchamacallits are pretty good. So are Paydays.
Hal Jordan: Space Hipster? (At least it’s more modern than “Badass test pilot, they still have those, seriously you guys.”)
You figure Wolverine would be more into the Snickers.
It’s odd that “space hipster” is less hateable than how he’s usually portrayed.
Not many superheroines on that original post. Heck, half the Fantastic Four made it; no Invisible Woman or She-Hulk.
Invisible Woman: is sick of chocolate from the amount of apology chocolate that Mr F has to buy her for repeatedly being an eejit. Half of which is weird alien chocolate from another dimension. She tends to hand it off to Jonny before the kids can get at it.
She-Hulk: maybe one of hte larger sizes of Toblerone?
Black Widow: a finely crafted bar from an obscure Moscow chocolatier with an edge on one side you could slit a guy’s throat with. Just in case.
Nick Fury: whatever damn chocolate he wants.
One obvious reason for Doctor Strange to love York Peppermint Patties: the opportunity to puff the Frosty Fumes of Freshness into Dormammu’s sizzling kisser.
(And, speaking of Ditko characters: what else could be Squirrel Girl’s munchie of choice but…
http://www.necco.com/candy/squirrel-nut-zippers.aspx
Also, Almond Joy–because she always feels like a nut.)
Somebody in Alpha Flight keeps leaving Big Turk wrappers around, but nobody will own up to it – not the littering, but liking Big Turk.
It’s probably Puck.
Only alien taste buds would enjoy a Terry’s Chocolate Orange.
That’s right, I said it. THROW DOWN