Over the past month a new Axis of Evil has emerged — not one based in Damascus, Tehran or Pyongyang — but instead in Cedar Rapids, Charleston, South Carolina, Derry, New Hampshire and Boca Raton, Florida.
No, seriously. He’s not kidding!
I can hear you saying, “surely you aren’t saying that South Carolina has gone liberal — are you?” Are you kidding me? Drive through the Carolinas and count the number of license plates from NJ, NY and Pennsylvania. There is not much Dixie in the Carolinas; it’s more like Trenton and Long Island with fireworks.
HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS, HE IS SERIOUS WHEN HE WRITES THIS. This guy is actually theorizing, for reals, that the South Carolina primary was manipulated by out-of-state voters, who moved down to South Carolina to subvert it with their liberal values. You could not make this sort of person up if you tried.
“But”, you protest, “New Hampshire, is Live Free or Die, it’s been a backbone of conservatism since the 1950’s.” No longer my friends — NH has become an exurb of Boston, with Boston’s sensibilities and, ugh, their voting tastes. NH hasn’t been reliably conservative since Reagan’s first term. These voters would rather be loved by the Boston Globe, than respected by the Union Leader.
In fairness, he has a point here. I mean, just last week I got an email saying “dear Chris, I have a problem. As a native of New Hampshire, I know I should be rightly considerate of my local media’s respect of me. However, the Boston Globe has a bigger comics page and a crossword daily, rather than five days a week. I find myself torn. Do you think perhaps if I lobbied the Union-Leader to add more sudoku, I could remain loyal to my home state’s newspaper? Signed, An Imaginary Person Who Does Not Exist.”
“Iowa, that’s America, with small town values and homespun sensibilities.” Wrong again — Iowa is just a state brimming with farmers on the federal dole, college students and ex hippie professors looking to con, libs in training at Grinnell.
oh god i can’t breathe
make him stop
If liberals from Englewood Cliffs NJ want to vote liberal, it’s going to get cancelled out by conservatives in Chattanooga — who might actually get to vote for Fred.
And here we come to the crux of it – this is Angry Fred Thompson Voter Man #789. This is the man who just can’t get over the fact that most people think Fred Thompson is a lazy-ass bastard who, while he may be awfully good at saying things like “the Russians don’t take a dump without a plan, son!” is not actually a particularly impressive politician, thinker, or much of anything else other than a second-rate character actor.
Make every state vote on exactly the same day. Make every candidate compete in EVERY state at the exact same time and hold every single GOP primary and caucus on Super Tuesday.
There’s pros and cons to this idea, but dumbass here doesn’t seem to realize that this plan would have annihilated Fred Thompson, who entered the campaign with not a lot of money and hoped to build momentum from a couple of early victories – you know, the traditional route for candidates who don’t have a lot of money. That’s the advantage of the primary system – it allows good candidates with low resources to gradually gain them.
The other advantage of the primary system, incidentally, is that it allows voters to spot bad candidates over the course of the campaign, like Rudy Giuliani – or, to a lesser extent, Fred Thompson. Seriously, can you imagine Fred Thompson, the biggest verbal stumblebum in the entire 2008 presidential race, as the Republican nominee? Chris Dodd and Joe Biden would have eaten him for breakfast, let alone Clinton, Obama or Edwards.
But wait, I still haven’t given you the dramatic conclusion of this dimwit’s “voters I disagree with are the new terrorists” spiel:
RINOS and Liberals have taken the GOP plane hostage, and its time for us passengers to revolt…and do what has to be done — Let’s Roll.