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mygif

You know what, there are no Chinese mummies. I thought it sounded stupid when I saw the trailer, but since I’m a huge Jet Li fan I went and saw it anyway, and you know what? There really AREN’T ANY CHINESE MUMMIES. Even in the movie itself, the undead Chinese emperor is clearly not a mummy, and the terracotta army consists of clay soldiers (i.e. not mummies), and yet Brendan Fraser and his crew call them mummies the whole time. They’re really not very good Egyptologists. You would think “Mummy vs. Not Mummy” would be covered in the first week of Egyptology 101.

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mygif

The reason the kid grows up so quickly was explained in the Mummy animated series. He’s got magical powers.

As for no mummies in China? Wrong. I have seen several specials on the mummies of China and there are several books on the subject.

http://library.thinkquest.org/J003409/china.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarim_mummies

And are we forgetting the various mummies discovered in other countries??? The bog mummies of several European countries, The Chinchorro mummies of South America, there’s also been many found in North America (there’s a Mummified Cowboy on display at the Oddities Museum in Seattle). Nearly every continent has mummies so it’s not just Egypt.

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mygif

Dierna: Brendan Fraser killed all those other mummies too, as will be detailed in direct-to-DVD movies over the next ten years.

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mygif

Y’know, I always feel kinda silly admitting this, but I really love the first two Mummy movies. The primary actors are uniformly charismatic, the plots are kinda sprawling but fairly well-paced, and the CGI actually holds up. I admit, the first movie came out when I was under 10, but even now I love just sitting down to watch Fraser get beaten up by Arnold Vosloo.

*Even though the second committed one of my cardinal sins of filmmaking: god DAMNIT, people, Anubis is NOT evil! Nor is he the God of the Dead! If you’re gonna spend that much effort making a film involving an Egyptian god, can you at least go with one of the actually malevolent ones?

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mygif

Don’t be silly, there aren’t any such things as Jewish mummies.
It’s true. Jews are more like zombies (but there are some differences).

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karellan said on August 4th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Dierna: There may be mummies from other places than ancient Egypt, but there sure weren’t any in this movie. Clay monster =/= mummy.

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mygif

Bird & Flapjacks Reveal the Secret Mysteries of the Universe should be a thing. A weekly thing. With fireworks…

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mygif

Bah,

Anubis not evil?? Of course he’s evil!! He’s a partially ascended gu’aold!! He’s like pure evil!

As for him not being a god of the dead. He’s considered to be a lesser god of the underworld by some. He’s a protector of lost souls/orphans. Altho the greeks ended up making him a version of Hermes/Mercury with the guardian of the souls thing. Hermanubis… *lmao*

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mygif

It’s too bad Rachel Weisz pulled that ankle in the preliminary trials, though. I’m sure Maria Bello will acquit herself admirably but it always hurts to break up a winning team.

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mygif

Diema:

Yeah, he’s definitely a god of the underworld. I just don’t consider “God of embalming” quite equivalent to “God of the dead,” especially when you’ve already got a quite acceptable God of the Dead already. I mean, no, Osiris doesn’t have the cool jackal head… nor does he have certain *other* important characteristics… but… OK, he’s really kinda dull compared to Anubis. Still…

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mygif

if the Mummathalon were a broadcast event, I’d actually be interested in the Olympics.

stupid FCC.

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Rob Brown said on August 5th, 2008 at 3:30 am

I gotta know, are you transcribing these conversations from memory or have you got something handy to record this stuff whenever it gets bloggable? Either way, please don’t stop. 😀

I also can’t believe that one of Brendan Fraser’s most impressive accomplishments from “The Mummy Returns” was overlooked here. That it was left out of the mummathlon is a travesty, in my view. As a suitably impressed Roger Ebert wrote in 2001:

I have written before of the ability of movie characters to outrun fireballs. In “The Mummy Returns,” there is a more amazing feat. If the rising sun touches little Alex while he is wearing the magical bracelet, he will die (it is written). But Rick, carrying Alex in his arms, is able to outrace the sunrise; we see the line of sunlight moving on the ground right behind them. It is written by Eratosthenes that the Earth is about 25,000 miles around, and since there are 24 hours in a day, Rick was running approximately 1,041 miles an hour.

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mygif

Yeah, I must also know what Rob Brown must know… I also am curious as to how quickly the dialogue moves, because I’ve seen similar, but it usually involves some dead air in the places where the greatest leaps occur.

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mygif

The other day I almost posted a humourless ponder that the Chinese might be offended by this film. But I decided not to bother as that would be too humourless and po faced on an amusing entry. Then I made the mistake of reading some of the YouTube comments under the BBC’s animated short promoting the Olympic Games, I know internet people are internet people the world over, but if they’re representative of the general mood on the street then the entiere nation is switched to “prickly and oversensitive” mode at the moment.

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mygif

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