SCENE. A TTC subway station in Toronto.
ME: Goddammit, why don’t the subway drivers keep the train long enough at the station for everybody to board? The train wasn’t even close to full yet.
ALEX (a roommate): Because they’re trying to stick to their schedule.
ME: Since when do TTC drivers give a damn about sticking to schedule?
ERIC (also a roommate): He’s got a point. I was on the Keele bus yesterday and the bus driver stopped ten minutes for a cup of coffee. I was late for work. That sort of thing happens all the time.
ALEX: Subway drivers are insanely strict about keeping to schedule, though. I wonder what the difference is?
ME: Maybe they are rival factions in the TTC. Like the Jets and the Crips.
ERIC: I can see that. They would have a dance-off at Union Station.
ALEX: Actually, they wouldn’t, considering the Jets danced off against the Sharks and Chris mixed up his metaphors there.
ME: I was really hoping you wouldn’t notice that I did that.
ME: Although you have to admit, the Jets and the Crips? Shortest feud ever.
ERIC: (sings) “When you’re a Jet you’re the top cat in town, the gold medal kid with the heavyweight -” (stops singing) BLAM BLAM BLAM! “EAT THAT, MUTHAFUCKA!”
ME: “Who snappin’ their fingers in a musically threatenin’ way now, bitch?”
ALEX: “Bernstein and Sondheim? That all you got? I said that all you got?”
ME: Of course, the Jets would counter with precision uniform dancing. We can’t underrate that.
ERIC: I find it surprisingly easy to underrate that when the other side has guns.