So I have triumphed, as anybody looking to my sidebar can see, and become the Best Canadian Humour Blog for 2008, stomping my competition into the dust where they rightfully belong. However, in the midst of victory I am disquieted, for while I of course dominated the category, much like Hulk Hogan dominated his opponents during the 1980s, I did not dominate my category most powerfully when compared to a certain other category. That would be Best Activities Blog, won by a tsunami-like margin by Yarn Harlot, and if history is any guide Stephanie Pearl-McPhee will also win Best Blog overall by the same redonkulous amount.
This cannot be borne.
Some might say, “but Mr. Bird,” (no first names, you people, I’m better than you now because I have an award) “isn’t this only a self-aggrandizing plot to sate your own monstrous ego?” And the answer is of course no, for this is not the case. I am on a mission of divine providence, because it is obvious that Yarn Harlot is a blog filled with Nazis. Not the safe, adorable face-melting Nazis of Indiana Jones, but the most terrifying Nazis one could imagine! Like Edward Norton in American History X (before he went to prison and learned that black people are actually really cool), but EVEN WORSE!
Fact. Consider this Yarn Harlot post from December 12th: “I’m still behind, and thanks to the schedule, I know exactly by how much – and that’s about 3 knitting hours. Three knitting hours ago I should have finished the Madeleinetosh Earl Greys, and I haven’t. God! I wish I could just invade Poland right now!”
Fact. “Yarn Harlot” anagrammizes to “Aryan Rolth.” I am not sure what a “rolth” is but you just know it has to be bad, because it is Aryan!
Fact. Yarn Harlot’s knitted garments conceal secret swastikas! They are not always evident on first glance. Consider, for example, this hat.
But now take another look!
You see? YOU SEE?
Fact. “Stephanie Pearl-McPhee” sounds uncannily like “Adolf Hitler.”
I believe these facts speak for themselves. We must stand up, as one, and unite to defeat this menace! And by “unite” I mean “do whatever I say.” So march forth! March to BLOG WAR! Though they may stab you repeatedly with knitting needles and entwine you with purl stitching, soldier on! We (IE, you) march for justice and honor and so forth! (Those readers who may themselves be knitters are permitted to act as noncombatant medics, pursuant to their ability to successfully pass a loyalty examination.)