JANINE (a friend): So, FYI: Down’s Syndrome jokes? Not the new hotness.
ME: I had heard.
JANINE: Man, did I ever get burned by that fad.
ME: That’s what you get for thinking Dane Cook is funny.
JANINE: Cystic fibrosis? Not funny either.
ME: Lupus, on the other hand, is always funny. Say it with me. Luuuuuuuuuupus.
JANINE: You know what’s weird? On House, the mystery disease is never, ever lupus.
ME: You know, I think you’re right about that.
JANINE: It’s never multiple sclerosis either. It’s never anything with any auto-immune deficiencies. They should just stop testing for those things on that show because nobody ever gets them in Universe-House.
ME: True. It’s always something totally obscure like British Moose Syndrome, or alternately it’s so obvious and mundane that House is a genius because he figured what everybody else missed because they’re stupid.
JANINE: “This man is suffering from a common cold, which has gone septic, but only in his lower intestinal tract! He needs saline and some orange juice, stat!”
ME: Hee. Stat.
JANINE: And another thing, it’s always injections on that show.
ME: Well, they are medical doctors. I would expect injections. Just like if House were a homeopathic doctor, I would expect him to, I dunno, rub herbs on his patients or something.
JANINE: “THIS MAN NEEDS CORIANDER!”
JANINE: “Sir, we need you to sign this consent form before we give your wife an experimental thyme and verbena drip.”
ME: “I don’t know! It sounds dangerous!”
JANINE: “Do it, or I’ll do something strange that makes sense when you apply tortured logic to my tragic-hero situation!”
ME: “Herb her, Dr. House! For God’s sake, herb her already!“